Jack Smith Was Great But Did Y'all See Michael Fanone Almost Beat The Sh*t Out Of That Guy?
Also when Fanone coughed 'GO FUCK YOURSELF' at Troy Nehls? Congress is fun!
Three interesting things happened at the big hearing with Special Counsel Jack Smith yesterday in the House Judiciary Committee:
Jack Smith detailed chapter-and-verse of all the lengths Donald Trump went to in order to spearhead a massive conspiracy to steal the 2020 election, which he lost like an absolute bitch.
Trump was so triggered by it he started having a temper tantrum on Truth Social. Watch out, Mister President, the rotting body bruises on your disgusting corpse hands might get aggravated if you get too stressed!
Former DC cop and January 6 survivor Michael Fanone almost beat the shit out of a far-right conspiracy theorist creep, while wearing a Dropkick Murphys “Fighting Nazis Since 1996” T-shirt. It. Was. Legendary. Hey, nobody tell Fanone about Tom Morello’s “Nazi Lives Don’t Matter” T-shirt, just kidding, you can tell him about it. Fanone also coughed “GO FUCK YOURSELF” at a Republican congressman, loudly.
The rest was noise.
Jim Jordan and the Republicans had one job yesterday, and it was to scream and gnash their teeth and demonstrate for Fox News and for Donald Trump whose tongue could get the furthest up President Traitor Hitler’s colon. Jordan, as usual, gave his own lizard tongue a head start. They needed to throw as much shit at the wall as they could, to keep their pigfuck supporters convinced that Jack Smith’s credibility is somehow in question, when everybody in Washington knows his credibility is literally unimpeachable.
Smith testified that Donald Trump knew he was trying to steal the election, that he knew it wasn’t stolen from him, and that he admitted as much privately. He testified that he had the goods on Trump’s many crimes, from spearheading a conspiracy to overturn the election he lost, to a conspiracy to steal and retain classified documents, even after the feds started trying to collect them. Smith was the same cool customer he was in his earlier closed-door testimony.
You can watch his opening statement if you’d like (we’ll put the whole thing at the end of this post):
See? Cool. Prepared. Right about everything. Goddamned patriot.
Meanwhile, here is Trump’s conniption, where he basically orders Pam Bondi to criminally charge Smith for something, anything, FIND SOMETHING, OMG OMG OMG, TRUMP PANICKING, GONNA ATTACK GREENLAND, GONNA ATTACK ICELAND, GONNA ATTACK GRACELAND, OH FUCK OH FUCK OH FUCK.
Later, Smith responded to a question from Democratic Rep. Becca Balint about whether he thought Trump actually would get his minion traitors at DOJ to indict Smith for something. He replied that yep, sure, he reckons, why the fuck wouldn’t he.
So there’s your Goofus and Gallant for the day, Trump and Smith, respectively.
Here is Eric Swalwell telling Jack Smith what the Republicans really think about Trump, the things he hears them say that they aren’t allowed to say out loud in that room, while they’re busy dancing for Daddy and Fox News:
Jasmine Crockett was amazing, thanking Jack Smith for being there, and noting that “this was something that you wanted to do. The Republicans wanted to make sure that you were hid in a room with no cameras, ‘cause I was there. They didn’t really want you out public, because they were afraid of what you would say, which is that you could have proven your case, because you are a career prosecutor who knows how to prosecute criminals.” She was on fire.
You should just sit back and watch Rep. Crockett cook here:
That’s all this entire hearing was. Republicans are just absolutely fucking pathetic. They control the entire government, they’re literally trying to bumblefuck their way through a full fascist takeover/destruction of the United States, and they are just goddamned fucking pathetic.
They tried to find holes in Jack Smith’s theory of the cases against Trump, impotently, and they came off looking like stupid asses. They tried to get Smith on stupid technicalities, and they stupidly failed. Because they’re fucking stupid people, and they’re bootlicking traitors, and they’re bad at all of it.
“Democrats have been going after President Trump for 10 years. For a decade. And the country should never, ever forget what they did,” [Jim] Jordan said.
You bet.
Jim Jordan should focus on things he’s good at, like looking the other way while his students are getting sexually abused.
House Judiciary ranking Democrat Jamie Raskin summed it up in an interview during a break:
“Our Republican colleagues want to try to dirty up his investigation, but they want to try to avoid as much as possible the underlying facts, because it’s all about what is incontrovertibly true: Donald Trump’s determined plan to overthrow the 2020 presidential election.”
As Politico notes, it went so well yesterday for Smith that Democrats want to do another hearing, as soon as Smith’s report on Trump’s classified document theft-treason is unsealed.
Anyway, as we alluded to above, the most fun parts of this hearing involved Michael Fanone.
Below, you may watch Fanone almost beating the living shit out of Ivan Raiklin, the fucking dork conspiracy theorist who thought he was going to be Donald Trump’s “Secretary of Retribution,” one of the dried dingleberries that dingles in orbit out of Michael Flynn’s butthole, an election denier (obviously), who played a special role in aiding and abetting Donald Trump’s attempted coup.
Raiklin — who looks like what would happen if Roger Stone’s forehead fucked an ingrown toenail and the ingrown toenail got pregnant, and then the ugly toenail forehead baby grew up and had a torrid affair with Uncle Fester, and then another ugly toenail forehead baby shot right out of Uncle Fester’s butt — claimed to have no idea what Fanone was sooooo upset about, so Fanone told him:
“Why do you have to lose your cool with me?” Raiklin said. “I’m always professional with you. Every time I communicate with you, I’m always professional.”
“This guy has threatened my family, threatened my children, threatened to rape my children, you sick bastard,” Fanone said as officers escorted him away. “You’re a traitor to this country.”
And Fanone got pretty close to beating the shit out of him right then and there. Here is a whole entire video of that!
Here is another angle:
Congress is fun!
Here’s the other Fanone moment. MAGAt Rep. Troy Nehls was, like a real fucking piece of shit, attempting to talk down to Fanone and other Capitol Police January 6 survivors in attendance, telling them January 6 wasn’t Donald Trump’s fault, it was Capitol Police leadership’s fault. And Fanone loudly coughed in response, “GO FUCK YOURSELF,” which is an absolutely perfect way to respond to a little bitch like Troy Nehls.
So that is how the Jack Smith hearing went.
Motion for Michael Fanone to attend all important congressional hearings going forward, and for Jack Smith’s account to be the one that makes it into the history books.
Here’s the whole thing.
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The Michael Fanone hate is always crazy to me bc in another world this is EXACTLY the type of guy conservatives (and most Americans) would love
You just hate him bc it was MAGA that he stood up to
According to Evan. this dipshit “looks like what would happen if Roger Stone’s forehead fucked an ingrown toenail and the ingrown toenail got pregnant, and then the ugly toenail forehead baby grew up and had a torrid affair with Uncle Fester, and then another ugly toenail forehead baby shot right out of Uncle Fester’s butt.”
That’s the sort of careful, precise description we appreciate from Evan.