437 Comments
author
May 7·edited May 7Pinned

Hey, in case I need to remind you filthy fuckaducks: while it's fine to imagine Donald Trump having to eat nutri-loaf without any ketchup, the topic of "prison" DOES NOT mean that joking about prison rape, dropping the soap, being Bubba's bitch, or even the prospect of the grifting bastard getting a beatdown in the exercise yard have magically become OK.

The Commenting Rules remain in place. You don't have to say anything nice about the shitbag, but violent fantasies will not be tolerated.

Not sure if a comment is over the line? DON'T FUCKING POST IT, THEN.

— Yr Moderator.

https://www.wonkette.com/p/rules-for-commenting-radicals

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You are absolutely correct, not that you needed to hear it. Iz rules. But thanks for the reminder. I sometimes toe that line. xx

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The nutriloaf will be pretty funny, especially if Turmp discovers he likes it!

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I want him to have Sheriff Joe's green boloney.

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Is Nutraloaf made with actual Nutra? Never heard of this before.

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Complete nutrition, no flavor or joy. Like British cuisine.

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It's nasty stuff, just a lot of food waste baked into loaf form. It will keep you alive if you can get it down.

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Well, now that you went and used them all, there's none left anyway.

Fuck Ted Cruz.

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A native Texan here, and you can never go wrong with a FTC.

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I believe we can, however, hope for him to slip and fall in the exercise yard, on a rainy morning, and the COs won't let him shower for a couple days. For his fancy ass, the mud is probably worse than torture.

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I don't wish any prison violence upon him or anyone else. I just want him to have to do everyone's laundry or scrub crappers.

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I'd like to see him build a birdhouse

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If he has to scrub his own goddamn crapper that would be enough for me.

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That golden terlet must be the stuff of nightmares. His cleaning people definitely don't get paid enough.

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May 7Liked by Doktor Zoom

I never make rape jokes, ever. I don't care who it is about. No. Just no.

I would be ok with him being dropped in an oubliette, though.

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He’ll be suffering enough without access to his phone, bronzer and hairspray.

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My mom texted me today "He looks pale" and I could not stop laughing

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They’ll let him have all that stuff so he can be pretty for the cameras.

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He won't get those either. Before and after, sure. But not during, unless its posing for selfies with all the guards.

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Oh, the guards! With tears in their eyes! Sir, oh sir! We are awash in agony to see you, our noble leader, wrought thus. Oh sir, you bear your burden with such dignity. Would you do your humble servants the honor of posing with us? Why yes, of course we'll donate to your legal fund.

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I'm trying to imagine his fear of not being the center of attention and the fact that he's not in charge, and that alone fills me with joy.

there's absolutely no need to take it any further than that.

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Just that is going to be MIGHTY ugly

People with no malignant narcissists in their extended families or executive ranks literally have Zero Idea

If you're a New Yorker who works in NYC you're already on notice (the Deliverance New Yorkers are not gonna know)

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IKR? his narcissistic injury is already cranked up to eleven.

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I KNOW RIGHT??

It's going to be SO MESSY

People need to be googling "narcissistic collapse" right TF now

I mean, honestly -- people can look at what happened to Hitler (and at least watch that "Conspiracy" movie with Kenneth Branagh and Stanley Tucci if they don't feel like reading anything)

Sometimes I'm really afraid "failure of imagination" is going to be the downfall of the country

Just because something happened in a time when people didn't live, or in a part of the world where they've never SEEN it happen ... they believe it can NEVER happen, unless they have more practice with visualization than a current segment of the population seems to be exhibiting

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oddly, the same people have no issue believing any crazy crap they read on the internet as long as the story has a little bit of razzle dazzle.

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He's going to totally think he can waltz into the Warden's office and start cutting deals.

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Plus the GERMS.

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How about if we mention Trump daydreaming about that magical 30 seconds with Stormy?

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I'm swearing off mushrooms forever.

Thanks a lot!

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No reminder necessary for me.

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About what?

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Dok Zoom's advice above.

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author

What advice?

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It's another word for suggestions, but that's not important right now.

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Some cereal, supposed to be good for you.

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May 7·edited May 7

Give it to Mikey. He won't eat it; he hates everything.

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Sadly, Dok, you do need to remind some of us.

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"don't have to say anything nice about the shitbag"

An appropriately moderate statement from the moderator.

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You sound like Judge Merchan telling trump's lawyers that he won't babysit trump's online blarps and that they should err on the side of caution regarding his posts.

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Judge Merchan's Bailif really needs a bigger pee pee whacker and a better microscope to make its use easier. I'm tired of Pabs shit.

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May 7Liked by Doktor Zoom

I am proud to belong to a community that enforces rules like this. Although I am a little disappointed at not being addressed by the affectionate term “fuckaducks.”

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author

Oh dear, I was in a hurry. Will revise to make sure others are not let down.

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May 7Liked by Doktor Zoom

Ha ha ha! You did it!

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author

I am a man of my dirty word.

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If you change your username to “Fuckaduck” I’ll bet you get called that more.

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Sorry, Dok. I am still ded from That's Just Farts.

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I was overweight and out of shape back when I was around 40 and made a change, now, at 62, it's still hard to hit the weights or the bicycle sometimes, but I do it. It pays off.

No way a man like Trump, with his obesity and comorbidities, will be able to even start an exercise program, especially one where he would leave prison w/ a "prison body." Watters is secretly salivating over the young men he saw in "Oz," not knowing perhaps that as the body ages, you have to do more to achieve fewer results.

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Can someone explain "Yeti pubes" to me? I know what each word separately means.

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Bwahahahaha Evan 🔥

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Trump is 77 years old, is frightened of stairs and believes exercise reduces your lifespan. But Jesse thinks Trump will get buff and work his guns and emerge an 88-year-old Charles Atlas with a silvery beard and 6-pack abs.

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I'm not fantasizing about Trump meeting a "Bubba," but I would very much like him to meet a "Bobby," an incessantly yappy sycophant who bounces around Trump all day asking him if wants to play ball, but Trump just casually slaps him and tells him to 'shuuud'up.' But at the end the roles are reversed and Trump is the incessantly yappy sycophant who bounces around the other guy. That'd be nice.

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That neck of his could certainly use some Prancersize.

https://youtu.be/o-50GjySwew?si=k4eVHFDH4OoC4-rg

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Dude thinks way too much about Trumps bod. Ick!!

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Ta, Evan. Some people work out in prison. Others get fat (or fatter) on the high starch diet served.

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I think if they locked Trump in a room where he could or could not (even BETTER!)see the trial, take away any reading material and his phone. Let him sit there, without anything, not even crayons. ONE Day and he'd STFU forever!!! Oh and videotape him so when he starts telling lies about the abject cruelty and the whipping that no one could see, then show it so everyone would know that, again, he's a got damn lying liar!

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During the Troubles in northern Ireland, the Loyalist prisoners spent their time working out. The IRA prisoners spent their time studying. And now that's why Sinn Féin are now the biggest party across the island of Ireland and the Loyalists are just a bunch of drunken rednecks dealing drugs in the poorer neighborhoods of Belfast.

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Well, than and the fact that while Sinn Fein has supporters all over Ireland, nobody in England has every given a fuck about the so called 'Loyalists'. Fuck em.

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It is objectively hilarious that, on the day Stormy testifies about Trump's tiny mushroom peepee and pasty obese body, Jesse Watters is busy with homoerotic fan fic of Trump's rock-hard "prison body". If this was an SNL skit it would be an instant classic.

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I know, right? Lol!!

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Riders on the Stormy...

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My exercise group of women in their 60s have been doing a variation of the Navy Seals workout, provided by one member's son. Would love to see him try to keep up.

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No, Trump is not going to get a prison body.

Trump could have that, right now, TODAY, if he'd bothered to put in the work. No prison required! He can afford everything he needs to be a musclehead, he just lacks the interest and motivation. Prison won't change either of those things.

He's not going to decide, at 70+ to get swole. It's not happening, and if it did happen, the stress to his body would likely kill him. Clean, Jerk, Dead.

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He could hire a personal chef that could make healthy high protein food that tastes delicious and nails all the macros. He could hire a personal trainer to optimize a daily workout in a few hours and get him in pretty good shape in about two years.

But he would have to give up the hamberders and actually do real exercise, two things he cannot handle with his little shriveled shitgibbon brain.

Hell, even semaglutide would probably work wonders on him, but he'd still have to do a little bit of diet and exercise even with that, and he won't.

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