Jesse Watters Says Trump MEDITATING In Court, Guess Those Are His MEDITATION FARTS
OMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMM.
One of the biggest, most important things we’ve learned about Donald Trump during his criminal trial in New York is that he farts a lot. Huge, cavernous, cacophonous farts, like God hired an entire orchestra full of tuba players who had chili for lunch. This shouldn’t be a surprise, considering his diet, but it’s still hilarious to learn that the answer to “What’s that smell” is literally “Trump farts,” if you are in a certain courthouse in NYC. It’s reportedly terrible for his lawyers.
This happens when he’s napping in court, of course, because of how he is a sleepy old lonely man who only has energy left for lying, babbling, sleeping, and farting. Know those stacks of papers Trump is always carrying around, the articles that say nice things about him the hired blonde lady prints out to make him feel better? They probably smell like farts.
But oh! What’s this? Jesse Watters on Fox News says Trump isn’t actually sleeping in court? He says — and we are taking him seriously, because he’s a journalism man! — Trump is actually meditating?
Well that changes things. (About Trump’s farts.)
Watters said:
WATTERS: He’s meditating, Greg. He’s in a meditative state, and when you’re defensive about something, you avoid something. Trump’s not defensive of being old and tired. He can shut his eyes and not feel about it like Sleepy Joe.
OK.
Now granted, Watters said it with his trademark smirk, the kind of smirk that says “I just let the air out of your tires and now I’m going to lure you into my van and later on you will become my wife.”
And also granted, Greg Gutfeld was like mmhmm, yeah, whatever, fully aware that this is just one of those hilarious bits they do for their homebound, pudding-slopping viewers.
But we choose to believe Fox News, therefore if they say Trump is meditating, then his cavernous, cacophonous farts are probably just what happens when his chakras open up. They’re peace farts. Tranquility farts.
Acceptance farts.
OK, the end, open thread.
[video via Acyn]
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One of the joys of babysitting a five year old, they appreciate dad jokes. We were riding the bus and he was telling me all about insects as that was the topic at school. He told me the bug they talked about today was ants. I asked him, straight-faced, what about the uncles? Look of confusion on his face at first, then I could see the wheels turning as the joke slowly hit his funny bone. A big grin on his face, he burst into laughter and giggled with happiness at having 'got' the joke.
What a great feeling. It's the little things.
Here I was bellyaching about my sore jaw after a single tooth pull when my husband reminded me that JackJack (the cat) had the majority of his teefs pulled last month due to gum disease. Little guy is fine now, though. And Potatoes is home from the vet as of yesterday afternoon after her infection ordeal, catching up on snuggles.
But waaah, my mouth hurts 😭