Trump Is Loneliest, Maddest, Oldest, Most Upsettest Man Who Ever Lived
Trump Is Loneliest, Maddest, Oldest, Most Upsettest Man Who Ever Lived
Nothing but this stack of articles to keep him company.
He did it again, and it looks like this is going to become a thing: Donald Trump walking out of the courtroom all by himself at the end of a day of court, to stand, alone, and babble at reporters for minutes on end because FINALLY somebody will listen to him and think he’s interesting. (The clips just end up on the internet, whereupon they are brutally mocked.)
The words he said this time were much the same.
Did he bitch about being cold in the courtroom? He did, it’s “freezing” in there. Did he have a gargantuan stack of papers, articles printed from the internet by the young blonde lady who was hired to do this, who in her twisted MAGA brain thinks she’s serving an important man, articles that say nice things about Trump, and that the case against him is a hoax? He had the papers again. They are the pacifiers this woman is paid to jam in his tired, complaining mouth. She prints the articles out because he’s too old to find them on the internet himself. His stubby fingers probably don’t have the dexterity to navigate the internet, even on a Jitterbug phone.
“What do you think of the gag order?” asked a reporter. He said it’s “totally unconstitution.” That’s when he started playing with the articles. The gag order says he can’t even post these articles. “They’re very good articles,” he said. “I don’t even know if you’re allowed to put them in, we have a gag order.” He continued, gagged:
“I’d love to talk to you. I’d love to say everything that’s on my mind. But I’m restricted because I have a gag order! And I’m not sure that anybody’s ever seen anything like this before. And even having to do with articles! Somebody writes an article, if I read every one of these articles, incomplete, I’ll read some of it, I’ll look at headlines, all good headlines, that the case is a sham, but I can’t read the whole thing, I’d be reading, this is like reading a novel, so I put an article in and then somebody’s name is mentioned, somewhere deep in the article, and then I end up in violation of a gag order.”
There is nobody in that man’s life who loves him enough to shut his mouth for him, to take him for his nightly cheeseburger sponge bath.
He does this in the morning before the trial. He does it afterward. Jesse Watters says Trump is too old for this, and he’s right. Too old. Too lonely. Too rejected. His family sold the house and left him there tied to a post, barking.
He’s extremely upset that nobody is showing up to protest on his behalf, and that’s why he’s lying and saying the streets are blocked off. He has some demented pudding-covered conspiracy theory brewing in his underpants about how it’s all rigged to make the Columbia University protests look big, and his look little, with the imaginary street closures. Or that the Columbia protests are proliferating and his aren’t because all the cops are at the courthouse, preventing his from happening.
He’s wailing that “thousands of people were turned away” from the courthouse. He’s bitching that “Republicans want the right” — LOL — “to protest in front of the Courthouse.” But alas.
Even batshit Laura Loomer, whose only apparent reason for living is breathlessly repeating every word Trump babbles on Truth Social, has gone back to Florida. She had to go see her dogs, she said. And she is quite frankly kind of mad she’s the only one who follows Trump around like this, french braiding his armpit hair and calling him pretty:
“They say Laura Loomer is obsessed with President Trump,” she said on Monday. “Well, everybody should be obsessed with making America great again and obsessed with taking their country back. And sometimes you have to put your personal life on hold and go out and organize for President Trump.
“That’s what I do,” she added. “You think I have a social life?
“You think I have a dating life? You think I’m married? You think I have kids? Do you think I go out and do fun things?
No, no, no, no, and no. Never would have dreamt of accusing her of such.
But anyway, she’s gone. Trump has nobody in the streets. Trump has nobody in the sheets.
His family isn’t showing up for him either. Not his wife, not his children. You’d think somebody could come. You want to talk about the judge letting Trump go to Barron’s graduation? For a two-bit, ugly dumb motherfucker career criminal with a limited vocabulary like Trump, being a criminal defendant for the first time is HIS graduation. This is HIS dance recital.
Does no one in his family love him enough to come see Father in his ballet slippers, dancing for his freedom?
“Yeah, so it has been striking that there’s no family because I know that there was some discussion at some point in the last couple of weeks about who would be with him in court,” said Maggie Haberman, the mean woman who keeps reporting on Trump falling asleep in the courtroom, and Trump being upset about the tiny, flaccid, invisible crowds showing up to support him. (He called her “Maggot Haberman” on Truth Social, that’s how mad he is.)
“He is by himself,” she continued. “And when he feels boosted, is by his supporters. And so he has been hoping for something of a circus around his trial, but the reality, Anderson, is that only two to three dozen supporters – max – over the last week have shown up and they’re positioned to protest/demonstrate/whatever across the street from the courthouse. Trump started to suggest on Truth Social that that’s why the number’s been so small – is that they’re all being blocked. But that’s not it. It’s that people are not showing up.”
No wife, she’s with her sad Republican gays. No dumb, slackjawed Eric. No dumb Eric’s dumb wife, the one Trump shoved into the RNC to rig it for him. Guess this whole “having the Trump last name” thing is one big grift to her and doesn’t include personal functions. No dumb Don Junior, who he hates anyway. The loud one Junior is fucking, where is she? We’d hear it if she was here.
Ivanka peaced out of this shit a couple years ago. She was the favorite, and it looks like she’s never coming back. And why would she? Jared’s bringing home the Saudi grift bacon and she lives in Miami Goddamn Beach, she doesn’t have to bother herself with this shit anymore.
Tiffany? Is that one of the lesser Trump children? We forget. Oh well, she’s not there either.
The media should tell us more about how being a criminal defendant was going to make Donald Trump look big and unstoppable and all-powerful, though. How he was going to use this as a campaign advantage. How CLEVER it would make him look!
They really nailed that one.
[New York Times / Mediaite / video via Molly Jong-Fast / Howard Mortman]
Jesse Watters Says Trump Much Too OLD For Criminal Trials. Much Too Who What Now? OLD, He Said OLD.
Evan Hurst on Twitter right here.
@evanjosephhurst on Threads!
I have profiles those other places but I think I forgot how to log on.
If you're shopping on Amazon anyway, this portal gives us a small commission.
That's right, Donnie, you've got them just where you want them, and this whole "make him take responsibility for his criminal acts" will only work to vindicate him in the end. So what if they've got witnesses and documents and what not? DON'T THEY KNOW WHO HE IS???
An outstanding piece of writing!
#ThankYou