Is this a Jessica Tarlov fan blog now? Yeah maybe.
While we agree that the best policy for Democrats and Fox News is to stay off it unless you are Secretary Mayor Pete and you’ve come to shove a piece of shit in a locker, the thing is that historically, Fox News has only hired liberals to be excessively weak foils for its white rage hosts. But Tarlov on “The Five” is actually kicking Greg Gutfeld, Jesse Watters, and Judge Boxwine in their dicks, and the network is airing it.
We don’t think Rupert Murdoch’s turned any corner or anything, but it’s good TV, and hey, if OCCASIONALLY Grandma QAnonLibertyNazi in Abilene hears something true on Fox News, we reckon that’s better than Grandma QAnonLibertyNazi not occasionally hearing the truth.
Republicans and their piss spigots in the media have been telling so many vile, contemptible lies about Joe Biden’s response to Maui, it’s hard to keep up. Their specialty has always been attacking people for their strengths and not their weaknesses, and also projection.
It’s literally the only thing they’ve got. The primary thing Joe Biden is known for is his empathy. He was the comforter-in-chief long before he was commander-in-chief. Therefore they must paint Biden as an unfeeling monster whose brain doesn’t work. It’s laughable, until you remember that their target audience is half-dead white people who can’t remember why they just opened the refrigerator, much less what that smell in their pants is.
So we come to this segment of “The Five” yesterday, as Tarlov just tore every Republican lie about Biden and Maui to pieces. And yet again, the hit fascists hollered.
Watch the video, then below we will point out some highlights:
Tarlov started by saying so many “craven lies” have been told about Biden’s response to Maui. As if to make sure the viewers knew she was talking about the craven liars she was sitting at the table with, she immediately said, “Jesse just said [Biden’s] first comments were ‘No comment,’ which is categorically untrue.”
She meant Jesse Watters, craven liar, sitting next to her.
Then Tarlov brought the receipts, at which point Jesse Watters, craven liar, opened his unnecessary mouth and started yapping. But Tarlov shut it for him, citing Biden’s very early disaster declaration, comments he made in Utah later the same day, and the grateful words of the governor of Hawaii and the mayor of Maui County.
But ohhhhhh, Greg Gutfeld said, we can’t believe the mayor of Maui, because they have to be nice to Biden. “You don’t think at a time when there are hundreds of people dead and there’s another thousand people that are missing, that the Maui mayor wouldn’t have said ‘Joe Biden is lying to you’?” Tarlov asked. “You gotta be nice because you’re hoping for something,” said Gutfeld. Whatever.
The thing about the “hot ground,” where the lying shitmouths of the RNC are criticizing Biden for being “distracted by a dog”? Tarlov noted that it indeed was a dog with its paws on the ground. Any moron who ever cared about a dog should know how sensitive their paws are. But of course, the other thing they’re omitting is that those are the dogs who are trained to sniff for human remains in disaster wreckage.
Of course, those would be the human remains of people in a bright blue state who probably vote for Democrats, so we know with 100 percent accuracy that white fascist Republicans and their bullshit dispensers on Fox News don’t actually care if they’re already dead.
Speaking of, that’s when Judge Boxwine started geyser-ing forth from her Franzia pouch. “Oh what a guy! Talking about, talking to a dog? Are you KIDDING ME?”
As if she’s too stupid to understand the context we just explained in fewer than 100 words. No. She’s just a craven fucking liar. Just like Tarlov said at the beginning of the clip.
Ohhhhh Boxwine was so angry, though. She gets her own video:
You really need to watch the video so you see how hilariously and stupidly emotional she pretends to get:
THIS IS A GUY WHO GOES TO AN INFERNO! AN INFERNO! WHERE 1,000 PEOPLE AND CHILDREN ARE MISSING! BECAUSE THEY CANNOT GET ANY IDEA, THEY HAVE BEEN SO DESTROYED!
THERE’S NO [UNINTELLIGIBLE], THERE’S NO FINGERPRINTS, THERE’S NO BODY FRAMES, THERE’S NOTHING, THAT’S WHY THEY CAN’T IDENTIFY EVERYONE!
AND HE TALKS TO A DOG, AND HE TALKS ABOUT HOW HE ALMOST LOST A CAT, ARE YOU KIDDING ME, THAT HE ALMOST LOST A CAT, JILL AND I KNOW WHAT IT’S LIKE TO LOSE …
OK, please try to walk your words in a straight line, Judge.
THIS GUY HAS BEEN LYING FROM THE MOMENT HE CAME ON THE POLITICAL SCENE! HE HAS A LACK OF EMPATHY, HE IS EGOCENTRIC! HE’S GOT A CONDESCENDING SMIRK WHENEVER ANYBODY ASKS HIM A QUESTION FROM THE PRESS! HE’S LYING AND HE’S NARCISSISTIC! AND YOU KNOW WHAT? HE’S NOT TRYING TO MAKE IT FEEL LIKE HE’S PART OF THEIR MISERY! HE’S A NARCISSIST AND AN EGOMANIAC WHO’S TRYING TO MAKE IT ABOUT HIMSELF!
Madam, it is 4:00 a.m. and there are people behind you in the Taco Bell line.
Among the chyrons the Fox News graphics hacks put on the screen during the segment:
“Biden compares Maui fire to almost losing Corvette.”
“Biden slammed for making Maui visit about himself”
“All about Joe”
“Biden sympathizes with Maui with story about cat"
Again, obviously, the projection is just insane. But as we said, it’s all they have.
Here’s a video of an actual human on Maui talking about what actual Joe Biden was like on his visit:
“He was so present with so many. […] He spoke with hundreds of people and hugged them and kissed their cheek and heard what we all had to say, and […] since this happened there haven’t been that many smiles in one place on this island, and it was profoundly touching.”
Yes, but did he hurl any paper towels at their faces?
Evan Hurst on Twitter right here.
@evanjosephhurst on Threads!
I have profiles those other places but I think I forgot how to log on.
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If Biden really cared about Maui, he'd hire an obscure congressman from Montana with no industrial electrical experience to rebuild the grid like Trump and Zinke did for Puerto Rico.
It's so funny how the accusations against specific democrats have steadily shifted to more and more use of "egomaniac" and "narcissist" in the last 7 years.
I wonder why that is?