Hit Fascists Will Holler
When Jessica Tarlov talks on Fox News's 'The Five,' that's when they get to hollerin'.
This is Wonkette going on record and saying that Jessica Tarlov — the person on “The Five” on Fox News who occupies the “token liberal” slot — is really great, and you should be watching clips of her when you see them.
Usually on Fox it’s set up so that the token liberal is a model crash test dummy, so viewers can angrily tickle their permanently flaccid penises while they watch the host beat up the liberal.
Not with Tarlov. She administers the beatings.
Justin Baragona from the Daily Beast tweeted a clip that’s getting a lot of attention. Setting it up, he said, “You can tell Jessica Tarlov hit a nerve here by how Judge Jeanine and Gutfeld reacted -- especially when she points out how out of step the GOP is on abortion and other issues while simultaneously railing about the ‘tyranny of the minority’ regarding trans kids.”
That’s what they’re talking about — the way Fox News pushes this narrative where their white fascist human cow patty viewers are only and always the victims in every situation, how they are being continually tyrannied by a terrifying minority.
Watch it, and we will give you the play-by-play and expert analysis after the jump.
Was that not spectacular? First Tarlov noted that Fox News’s own polling says 57 percent of Americans think attacking trans kids’ families is disgusting. Then she reminded her cohosts how the majority of Americans thinks Republican fascist Fox News viewer types are fucking lunatics, on every issue. These people want to bitch and moan about “tyranny of the minority”? Let’s go.
She pointed out how few minors are actually receiving gender-affirming care in the United States, to underline how unbalanced conservatives’ histrionics about that really are. Extraneous white man Greg Gutfeld felt obligated to snittily interrupt and say “That’s an atrocity!” Tell a medical doctor with actual training, dude.
Tarlov noted that 5,800 kids each year are victims of gun violence, compared to the teeny number of kids getting gender-affirming care. “OH, WHAT A FALSE COMPARISON!” Gutfeld bitched, because things that normal people care about — like keeping bullets from exploding in children’s brains — are obviously not valid in the eyes of Fox News hosts.
But then Tarlov said, “ABORTION is another instance of the tyranny of the minority,” and that is when the hit fascists really started hollerin’ their lungs out.
Tarlov noted how amazingly unpopular it is among the American people for women to be bleeding out or going into sepsis or being forced to carry fetuses without skulls, all because Republicans are obsessed with banning abortion.
That made them maaaaaad.
Gutfeld shouted, “WHAT DOES THAT HAVE TO DO WITH THIS TOPIC!” (For him the topic was bashing LGBTQ+ kids, we guess, based on some bullshit Vivek Ramaswamy said.)
Judge Boxwine cut in to protest that "tyranny of the minority” is about “LGBTQ, not […] all your favorite issues!” She added, “I asked you specifically about the pronouns!”
But no, Tarlov kept on. Because if you want to talk about “tyranny of the minority,” then the Republican Party is the one that forces its fascist shitmouthed beliefs on the majority of the country, a majority that Wonkette would note detests them. Oh, Gutfeld was so ANGRY!
“PRO-LIFE ISN’T A MINORITY POSITION!”
“It is, actually.”
Tarlov noted how every time people vote on abortion, abortion wins. She noted that support for abortion rights is at record highs — 69 percent support it in the first trimester! Gutfeld feebly tried to force the conversation into fake fascist Christian talking points about Democrats wanting to abort live babies at birth. Tarlov was like nah fuck off. Democrats think these decisions are between people and their doctors. End of argument.
So yeah, that was cool, and Jessica Tarlov is the shit, for real, for real.
In this bonus clip, Tarlov beats her cohosts about the faces with their own dicks while noting how actually the economy is pretty great when you consider indicators like the unemployment rate and jobs numbers, and reflects on how Fox News anchors are always like omg whaaaaaaat literally every month when these numbers come out. Gutfeld tries to “gotcha” her into saying she too is surprised by these numbers every month, but she’s like nah fuck you, incidental white man.
And this last bonus clip is just Judge Boxwine being a total Judge Boxwine earlier this week. She’s commenting on the latest indictments of Donald Trump, and oh boy does she have a full Franzia box of legal opinions about it. And if all her legal opinions are in that Franzia box, WHERE ALL THE WINE GO?
The RICO charges? That’s just “theater,” she says. Additionally, “If you say, ‘Look, I need to find 11,000 votes, that’s very different from saying, ‘I need you to find me 11,000 votes somewhere.’ He just knows he’s behind by 11,700 votes.”
Uhhhhhhhhh, so the thing he actually on tape said.
Your honor, it depends on what the definition of “Find me 11,780 votes” is.
Sure thing. You betcha.
This was a post about Jessica Tarlov being the bee’s knees, but we ended it marveling that they pay Judge Boxwine so much money to slosh her opinions around like this literally every day on TV.
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Somewhat related - please send positive thoughts and prayers my daughter's way today. She is having a D&C, because the embryo didn't attach to the uterine wall. She would have been about 7 weeks along, and both she and her husband wanted a baby very much. She's been bleeding and in pain for over a week. Her doctor says that when she heals, they can try again for a baby. Fortunately, they live in Michigan, where they realize that this is a healthcare issue between a patient and her doctor.
OT but I found $1 and a gram of weed on the ground this morning.