George Santos Declares Jim Jordan’s Identity Not Worth Stealing
By Andy Borowitz
WASHINGTON (The Borowitz Report)—In the latest setback to Rep. Jim Jordan’s bid to be Speaker of the House, Rep. George Santos has declared the Ohio congressman’s identity “not worth stealing.”
Minutes after Jordan lost the first round of voting for Speaker, Santos took to the floor of the House and told his colleagues, “I would be embarrassed to use any credit card with Jim Jordan’s name on it.”
“Don’t get me wrong, I was no fan of Kevin McCarthy,” Santos went on. “But, when it came time to buy myself a new pair of Uggs, sure, I gave Kevin’s Amex a whirl.”
Jordan, Santos claimed, was “another story.”
“I would never in a million years steal Jim’s identity,” he said. “Pretending to be Jim Jordan, even for a minute, would leave me feeling unclean.”
I was born in '68. The early stuff (Nixon/Watergate) are outside my baliwick, but JFC I remember everything from the hostage crisis, the air traffic controller firings, Iran arms for hostages, extrajudicial killings in El Salvador, cocaine money funding CIA operations in Central and South America, the US supplying arms to both Iran and Iraq, the US giving Iraq a greenlight to invade Kuwait, ... plenty of bad crap the Clinton admin pulled ... ... We are in an upside down totally unforeseeable world. I'm glad Biden is president, I wish Shumer had a pair, and I hope Dems retake the House in '24.
I was born 1956. It used to be that everyone remembered where they were when they heard JFK was shot. It still startles me sometimes to realize that most people nowadays don't remember that.
Fun fact: Nixon once said he didn't recall where he was when JFK was shot. This is particularly unlikely because he was in Dallas that day.
Joy Reid and Jamie Raskin on MSNBC were discussing a possibility that the Republicans WANT to keep the House speakerless so as to shut down the government.
I think that they really do want to “show the Dems” who’s boss thinking that a shut down will strong arm them into giving into their unreasonable demands. That will seriously backfire. Fed employees stop being paid all the way up to the military (in some cases). Let’s see how popular the Republicans will be in upcoming elections.
Members of congress should be subject to this too but they aren’t. You can bet if THAT were the case they’d finally do their jobs.
"Fed employees stop being paid all the way up to the military (in some cases)."
And think of the ripple-effect. All those people not getting paid will not be spending the money they are not getting. All the private contractors who will be laid off, "pending."
And those people will, hopefully, know it was the GOP who fomented all this craziness. I mean one would hope. We still see those nut jobs blaming the Democrats for not helping them install the village idiot so he could get on with fucking the country.
Concession 1: Hand purse springs over to Uncle Joe until new speaker is formally elected.
Concession 2: Sloppy Joe in the GOP mess hall is now Sloppy Crow
Concession 3: Matt Gaetz resigns for being a sex trafficker and Santos resigns for being a fraud and they will be replaced with two actual pachyderms whom McHenry must clean up the poop for and instead of a gavel he will be given a sand castle building shovel that he can also use to clean up the poops.
S.O. Republican P.- if what you are doing is not working, do it more, harder and louder, you only failed at first because you didn't try hard enough. Neither your tactics nor your goals could POSSIBLY be the problem, so don't waste time examining either for flaws. If other people do not give in to your demands, shout at them and insult them, that will break their spirit and they will do as you say.
What terrifies me is how many Repubs did vote for Jim Jordan, who is a monstrous choice in oh-so-many-ways.
Odd that Repubs go ballistic about imaginary pedophiles operating in non-existent pizza shop basement, but they have no problem with an actual pedophile enabler.
he is a model on whose example all the rest seek to better themselves. The perfect idiot, to lead all the lesser knuckleheads to the morons' promised land (which is in Pig Doots Creek, Ohio).
GOP voters all fell for that Reagan BS about government being the problem, they send assholes to DC on purpose that make a mockery of government. The fact that we are here shouldn't surprise anybody that's been paying attention. It's the media's fault for never ever pointing it out that the GOP are legislative chaos monkeys bought and paid for to make problems worse.
I really don't like this agreement. Democrats would need to receive a LOT. The worst thing about it is that Gym remains the nominated speaker and can continue lobbying for votes. I guess nobody else can lobby for votes? And isn't this just another form of election denial? Rather than accepting the outcome they manipulate the rules and let him have additional runs at it. I just don't like it.
I just got back from an errand and am now reading they have scrapped the McHenry plan and pushing for another vote. According to Massie that depends on Gym calling his wife; talking to the 22 against him; and talk to Qevin about the possibility of Qevin nominating him. Wtf if true.
At least some of Dems would be satisfied to just get work in the House done, but without an ambitious radical-righter in charge.
Of course, the radical-righters are still in charge of the Repubs, which is a problem. Maybe the Dems should demand that any single House member should be able to move to remove the Placeholder guy. It worked out so well with McCarthy.
Jimberly can lobby for days/weeks/years/millennia. he'll have as much success as he's demonstrated passing legislation - zero.zerozerozero. i for one cannot wait to revel in this for as long as he want to debase himself.
I am waiting for the threats to be shown coming from his office now that lady got the popo in on it. Though that might have been part of the "deal" he accepted to shut up for abit
"Who does the Dean Phillips campaign imagine this is for?"
Dean Philips. This is for Dean Philips.
I look at Gym Jordan and wonder why he’s not rotting in prison for being an assistant groomer.
You mean assistant rapist.
George Santos Declares Jim Jordan’s Identity Not Worth Stealing
By Andy Borowitz
WASHINGTON (The Borowitz Report)—In the latest setback to Rep. Jim Jordan’s bid to be Speaker of the House, Rep. George Santos has declared the Ohio congressman’s identity “not worth stealing.”
Minutes after Jordan lost the first round of voting for Speaker, Santos took to the floor of the House and told his colleagues, “I would be embarrassed to use any credit card with Jim Jordan’s name on it.”
“Don’t get me wrong, I was no fan of Kevin McCarthy,” Santos went on. “But, when it came time to buy myself a new pair of Uggs, sure, I gave Kevin’s Amex a whirl.”
Jordan, Santos claimed, was “another story.”
“I would never in a million years steal Jim’s identity,” he said. “Pretending to be Jim Jordan, even for a minute, would leave me feeling unclean.”
I look at Jacketless Gym and I think, every time: literal bonehead.
I was born in '68. The early stuff (Nixon/Watergate) are outside my baliwick, but JFC I remember everything from the hostage crisis, the air traffic controller firings, Iran arms for hostages, extrajudicial killings in El Salvador, cocaine money funding CIA operations in Central and South America, the US supplying arms to both Iran and Iraq, the US giving Iraq a greenlight to invade Kuwait, ... plenty of bad crap the Clinton admin pulled ... ... We are in an upside down totally unforeseeable world. I'm glad Biden is president, I wish Shumer had a pair, and I hope Dems retake the House in '24.
I was born 1961, RFK assassination and Watergate are my earliest political memories.
I was born 1956. It used to be that everyone remembered where they were when they heard JFK was shot. It still startles me sometimes to realize that most people nowadays don't remember that.
Fun fact: Nixon once said he didn't recall where he was when JFK was shot. This is particularly unlikely because he was in Dallas that day.
Joy Reid and Jamie Raskin on MSNBC were discussing a possibility that the Republicans WANT to keep the House speakerless so as to shut down the government.
Not sure if this is true, but it was interesting.
I think that they really do want to “show the Dems” who’s boss thinking that a shut down will strong arm them into giving into their unreasonable demands. That will seriously backfire. Fed employees stop being paid all the way up to the military (in some cases). Let’s see how popular the Republicans will be in upcoming elections.
Members of congress should be subject to this too but they aren’t. You can bet if THAT were the case they’d finally do their jobs.
"Fed employees stop being paid all the way up to the military (in some cases)."
And think of the ripple-effect. All those people not getting paid will not be spending the money they are not getting. All the private contractors who will be laid off, "pending."
And those people will, hopefully, know it was the GOP who fomented all this craziness. I mean one would hope. We still see those nut jobs blaming the Democrats for not helping them install the village idiot so he could get on with fucking the country.
First, Jordan going to the floor for votes
Second, Jordan wakes up on the floor, having been decked by reality
So much for "Mr Wrestler."
Chokeheld until he passed out
Concession 1: Hand purse springs over to Uncle Joe until new speaker is formally elected.
Concession 2: Sloppy Joe in the GOP mess hall is now Sloppy Crow
Concession 3: Matt Gaetz resigns for being a sex trafficker and Santos resigns for being a fraud and they will be replaced with two actual pachyderms whom McHenry must clean up the poop for and instead of a gavel he will be given a sand castle building shovel that he can also use to clean up the poops.
"crying masturbation chamber" - please, it's a masturbatorium.
and cry room
Ah, a Latin scholar.
Just read that Gym will meet with the 22 republicans who hate him at 4 pm.
Hopefully they come into the rooms with baseball bats.
Lots more who hate him but who put their political carreer ahead of their personal integrity.
He had them trapped in a room for several hours, now he wants to double down firming up their opposition?
S.O. Republican P.- if what you are doing is not working, do it more, harder and louder, you only failed at first because you didn't try hard enough. Neither your tactics nor your goals could POSSIBLY be the problem, so don't waste time examining either for flaws. If other people do not give in to your demands, shout at them and insult them, that will break their spirit and they will do as you say.
So bribes then?
Hahaha. Headline from the cnn live updates: House Republicans express frustration over disarray amid tense conference meeting.
Wait, what? CNN used "disarray" in a lede about Republicans? Surely this a a sign of the End Times. Buy canned goods.
maybe bonehead what's-his-name-who-even-knows-who-he-is-bowtie-mcNoone-short-fry will step in an save us ALL!!!!!!! fingers crossed now!
This guy?
https://substack.com/profile/155630927-fukuisanyesota/note/c-42152527?utm_source=notes-share-action&r=2knplb
What terrifies me is how many Repubs did vote for Jim Jordan, who is a monstrous choice in oh-so-many-ways.
Odd that Repubs go ballistic about imaginary pedophiles operating in non-existent pizza shop basement, but they have no problem with an actual pedophile enabler.
At this point Jordan's Christmas list must be a doozy. I wonder what he's asking Santa to bring him.
Let’s review. Jim Jordan has been is Congress since 2006. In that time
He has never sponsored a bill that has become law.
He is named as a defendant in a lawsuit, being credibly accused of covering up sexual abuse.
He is up to is eyeballs is the attempt to overthrow our government.
He ignored a subpoena issued by the body in which he serves a which he seeks to lead.
So I have to ask republicans: why this guy?
he is a model on whose example all the rest seek to better themselves. The perfect idiot, to lead all the lesser knuckleheads to the morons' promised land (which is in Pig Doots Creek, Ohio).
GOP voters all fell for that Reagan BS about government being the problem, they send assholes to DC on purpose that make a mockery of government. The fact that we are here shouldn't surprise anybody that's been paying attention. It's the media's fault for never ever pointing it out that the GOP are legislative chaos monkeys bought and paid for to make problems worse.
Voted against certifying Bidens win.
He's the perfect republican?
I really don't like this agreement. Democrats would need to receive a LOT. The worst thing about it is that Gym remains the nominated speaker and can continue lobbying for votes. I guess nobody else can lobby for votes? And isn't this just another form of election denial? Rather than accepting the outcome they manipulate the rules and let him have additional runs at it. I just don't like it.
I just got back from an errand and am now reading they have scrapped the McHenry plan and pushing for another vote. According to Massie that depends on Gym calling his wife; talking to the 22 against him; and talk to Qevin about the possibility of Qevin nominating him. Wtf if true.
At least some of Dems would be satisfied to just get work in the House done, but without an ambitious radical-righter in charge.
Of course, the radical-righters are still in charge of the Repubs, which is a problem. Maybe the Dems should demand that any single House member should be able to move to remove the Placeholder guy. It worked out so well with McCarthy.
Jimberly can lobby for days/weeks/years/millennia. he'll have as much success as he's demonstrated passing legislation - zero.zerozerozero. i for one cannot wait to revel in this for as long as he want to debase himself.
yeah he should not have gone after the spouses
I am waiting for the threats to be shown coming from his office now that lady got the popo in on it. Though that might have been part of the "deal" he accepted to shut up for abit
don't see why no one else can lobby for votes?
At one point we had like 5 people wanting to be speaker didn't we?