I agree, CBT is really helpful. I've used it on my own and my current therapist uses it. Pretty much the same situation with me, without the physical illness. I hope that you're doing better. Next month I'll be out of work for a year which threatens everything else. I am on the upswing at the moment now that we've adjusted my meds and I'm spending more time with people. Working with my hands seems to help too. But I"m totally freaked out at the idea of taking responsibility for anything other than my own survival. More job search today.
Thank you. I just keep moving forward, step by step now that I'm out of crisis. I'm trying to be kind and nurture myself at this stage. It's tough, with my resources so tight, but I'm doing what I can.
I'd like to comment on the story, but there is nothing I can say about der Pumpkinführer or his brownshirts that wouldn't severely violate the posting rules for this site.
CBT was a (slow) miracle for me, but I am recovering from a Lifewreck, too (and cancer that was diagnosed in the middle of my emotional rock bottom). On top of my illness, I struggled with employment, housing, family*, and my body itself turned against me and was ravaged by cancer treatment. I know you are probably sick of hearing that it gets better, but it does. Your inner spirit will reach out for what heals you. For me it was CBT, socializing in person, and working.
*Family may abandon you with a stigmatizing illness, or even abuse you for it. Surround yourself only with people who treat you with dignity. It may feel like you have been Left Behinded, and takes time to find people who accept you just as you are.
That literally made me cry - that poor baby is BROKEN and these fucking assholes don't even care. His blank little face when his dad is carrying him away is bloody heartbreaking....What the fuck is wrong with people who can look at a traumatized child and have no inkling of any feeling for them?
I've always subsumed my problems through work of some kind, whether volunteer or paid. I *have* to keep my mind and hands busy. Now I'm on the boards of two non-profits and tend to exhaust all my energies on trying to help others. The base levels of my Maslow's Hierarchy of Needs has never been filled or secure, yet I keep pushig forward. I've now hit the wall. I have to take the time to care for myself FIRST or I will not survive. I tend to think that us Depressives just fight until we can't anymore. I believe that's what happened with both Bourdain and Spade. You fight until you can't anymore. I've applied for disability and am figuring out SSI. At 59, fuck it, I've paid into it my whole life. I really don't think I can work full-time anymore. The idea of being responsible for anything other than myself terrifies me. I'd also like to work with my hands. A friend has connections to folks who work in the 'gray' weed market and I'd like to get a trimming job. Learn it, get my badge and start working on the legit side. But I'm trying to keep my expectations low, so we'll see what happens.
"I have a confession to make: I do not work. I am on SSI. I have very little work value (if any), and I am a drain on our country’s welfare system. I have another confession to make: I do not think this is wrong, and to be honest, I am very happy not working. Instead I spend the majority of my time doing the activity I find the most rewarding and valuable, painting."
I’m a big believer in using what works, whatever that might be. If you are comfortable, awesome. I really appreciate how sweet you are. I have had bad experiences dealing with the healthcare system for both physical (let my Fallopian tube burst in the ER waiting room because I must be drug seeking/not really in that much pain) and mental (I’d flourish in residential care and wither at home. I even ran away TO the hospital once. But they kept sending me back to my horrible mother) issues so I tend to shy away from that sort of intervention for myself. I don’t judge other people for it though. Election night was bad for me too. I was so excited, at an “artisan cocktail” bar trying amazing stuff, and it was like being punched in the back of the head.. I got home and got in bed and cried. Now I’m just mad all the time. Like keeping an eye for that bitch with the trump sticker so I can call her a cunt when she drives by (I’m a woman, she deserves it). I think turning it out instead of in and tearing myself up is what’s keeping me balanced. Ish. Yelling profanity at passing cars, regardless of the driver’s political affiliations, is not necessarily a mark of excellent mental health but whatever.
Naw, I'm not going to block you! You've made a very reasonable argument and you care about me. Unless you start constantly bugging me about it, we're cool!
It's actually lost count, I'm taking 5 meds. I have Major Depression, Anxiety and PTSD. I've been screened thoroughly for Bipolar Disorder but fall pretty far short of the criteria. I've had two serious crisis episodes so far this year. In March, before I was under care, I had a panic attack that lasted 3 days and was within 12 hours of putting myself in a locked ward for 72 hours before it broke. At the end of May I had an even more intense episode that lasted 8 days, including dissociation and de-personalization. I am currently severely mentally ill, though on my way back, day by day. As far as I can tell, none of my meds are to counteract another med. None of them are benzos, thank goodness. I just met with my PNP this morning evaluating where I'm at. I'm feeling really hopeful and much more stable and able to accomplish stuff, so we're going to hold right where we are at the moment until I have a few more months of stability before we start eliminating things.
I managed my depression with weed alone for quite a few years and was considered in remission from Major Depressive Disorder until the 2016 election. I woke up the next day; the world was noticeably darker and the sun had dimmed. My old friends were back with a vengeance. I've done most therapies over my lifetime and have found them all helpful. I've got a lot of emotional work to do. As a child, I'd just lock the bad stuff away so I've got a lot of shit to work through. This is truly a life long thing. I first got therapy when I started college and have continued to seek out therapists as stuff comes up and I can pay or have coverage for a good therapist. I've done pretty much one of everything and it's all helpful. But my trauma is like an onion and it has to be continually addressed at each phase of life. I know I'll never be 'fixed' or 'done' with my mindwork.
I also have a learning disability that I only recently realized was a 'thing'. Essentially, I do not recognize the passage of time. I'm good for between a week and a month, but beyond that, forget it. I have no clear past and can't really conceive of 'future' in any meaningful way. I'm kind of like a dog in the sense that I only have 'now'. Of course I have strong childhood memories but I can't' put them on a timeline. I can't tell you how long ago my mom died, whether it's been 5 or 15 years. Plays hell with relationships because once you're off my current 'radar' it's hard for me to remember to stay in contact.
I'm 59 years old and frankly, the future looks pretty grim for me. I certainly won't accuse you of 'pill shaming' me but I'm feel like I'm getting really good care right now. The meds I take right now make it possible for me to not spend every waking hour in some level of panic. I'm starting to participate in things again and get more things done. I'll take it for now. Now is not forever.
I agree, CBT is really helpful. I've used it on my own and my current therapist uses it. Pretty much the same situation with me, without the physical illness. I hope that you're doing better. Next month I'll be out of work for a year which threatens everything else. I am on the upswing at the moment now that we've adjusted my meds and I'm spending more time with people. Working with my hands seems to help too. But I"m totally freaked out at the idea of taking responsibility for anything other than my own survival. More job search today.
Thank you. I just keep moving forward, step by step now that I'm out of crisis. I'm trying to be kind and nurture myself at this stage. It's tough, with my resources so tight, but I'm doing what I can.
I'd like to comment on the story, but there is nothing I can say about der Pumpkinführer or his brownshirts that wouldn't severely violate the posting rules for this site.
CBT was a (slow) miracle for me, but I am recovering from a Lifewreck, too (and cancer that was diagnosed in the middle of my emotional rock bottom). On top of my illness, I struggled with employment, housing, family*, and my body itself turned against me and was ravaged by cancer treatment. I know you are probably sick of hearing that it gets better, but it does. Your inner spirit will reach out for what heals you. For me it was CBT, socializing in person, and working.
*Family may abandon you with a stigmatizing illness, or even abuse you for it. Surround yourself only with people who treat you with dignity. It may feel like you have been Left Behinded, and takes time to find people who accept you just as you are.
"Family values" they tell us.
That literally made me cry - that poor baby is BROKEN and these fucking assholes don't even care. His blank little face when his dad is carrying him away is bloody heartbreaking....What the fuck is wrong with people who can look at a traumatized child and have no inkling of any feeling for them?
That was about as clear a dissociative behavior you can see. I wanted to vomit when I saw it. That kid is probably fucked up for life from this.
I've always subsumed my problems through work of some kind, whether volunteer or paid. I *have* to keep my mind and hands busy. Now I'm on the boards of two non-profits and tend to exhaust all my energies on trying to help others. The base levels of my Maslow's Hierarchy of Needs has never been filled or secure, yet I keep pushig forward. I've now hit the wall. I have to take the time to care for myself FIRST or I will not survive. I tend to think that us Depressives just fight until we can't anymore. I believe that's what happened with both Bourdain and Spade. You fight until you can't anymore. I've applied for disability and am figuring out SSI. At 59, fuck it, I've paid into it my whole life. I really don't think I can work full-time anymore. The idea of being responsible for anything other than myself terrifies me. I'd also like to work with my hands. A friend has connections to folks who work in the 'gray' weed market and I'd like to get a trimming job. Learn it, get my badge and start working on the legit side. But I'm trying to keep my expectations low, so we'll see what happens.
Another reason for Universal Basic Income.
Thank you, Alienist. Shared.
Ugh, thanks for that cheering thought. Hope people can see it as clearly here, as there.
This article might perhaps make you feel a little bit better: https://monthlyreview.org/2...
"I have a confession to make: I do not work. I am on SSI. I have very little work value (if any), and I am a drain on our country’s welfare system. I have another confession to make: I do not think this is wrong, and to be honest, I am very happy not working. Instead I spend the majority of my time doing the activity I find the most rewarding and valuable, painting."
I’m a big believer in using what works, whatever that might be. If you are comfortable, awesome. I really appreciate how sweet you are. I have had bad experiences dealing with the healthcare system for both physical (let my Fallopian tube burst in the ER waiting room because I must be drug seeking/not really in that much pain) and mental (I’d flourish in residential care and wither at home. I even ran away TO the hospital once. But they kept sending me back to my horrible mother) issues so I tend to shy away from that sort of intervention for myself. I don’t judge other people for it though. Election night was bad for me too. I was so excited, at an “artisan cocktail” bar trying amazing stuff, and it was like being punched in the back of the head.. I got home and got in bed and cried. Now I’m just mad all the time. Like keeping an eye for that bitch with the trump sticker so I can call her a cunt when she drives by (I’m a woman, she deserves it). I think turning it out instead of in and tearing myself up is what’s keeping me balanced. Ish. Yelling profanity at passing cars, regardless of the driver’s political affiliations, is not necessarily a mark of excellent mental health but whatever.
Yeah, but with the new provincial government Ontario will be fascist in the blink of an eye
Naw, I'm not going to block you! You've made a very reasonable argument and you care about me. Unless you start constantly bugging me about it, we're cool!
It's actually lost count, I'm taking 5 meds. I have Major Depression, Anxiety and PTSD. I've been screened thoroughly for Bipolar Disorder but fall pretty far short of the criteria. I've had two serious crisis episodes so far this year. In March, before I was under care, I had a panic attack that lasted 3 days and was within 12 hours of putting myself in a locked ward for 72 hours before it broke. At the end of May I had an even more intense episode that lasted 8 days, including dissociation and de-personalization. I am currently severely mentally ill, though on my way back, day by day. As far as I can tell, none of my meds are to counteract another med. None of them are benzos, thank goodness. I just met with my PNP this morning evaluating where I'm at. I'm feeling really hopeful and much more stable and able to accomplish stuff, so we're going to hold right where we are at the moment until I have a few more months of stability before we start eliminating things.
I managed my depression with weed alone for quite a few years and was considered in remission from Major Depressive Disorder until the 2016 election. I woke up the next day; the world was noticeably darker and the sun had dimmed. My old friends were back with a vengeance. I've done most therapies over my lifetime and have found them all helpful. I've got a lot of emotional work to do. As a child, I'd just lock the bad stuff away so I've got a lot of shit to work through. This is truly a life long thing. I first got therapy when I started college and have continued to seek out therapists as stuff comes up and I can pay or have coverage for a good therapist. I've done pretty much one of everything and it's all helpful. But my trauma is like an onion and it has to be continually addressed at each phase of life. I know I'll never be 'fixed' or 'done' with my mindwork.
I also have a learning disability that I only recently realized was a 'thing'. Essentially, I do not recognize the passage of time. I'm good for between a week and a month, but beyond that, forget it. I have no clear past and can't really conceive of 'future' in any meaningful way. I'm kind of like a dog in the sense that I only have 'now'. Of course I have strong childhood memories but I can't' put them on a timeline. I can't tell you how long ago my mom died, whether it's been 5 or 15 years. Plays hell with relationships because once you're off my current 'radar' it's hard for me to remember to stay in contact.
I'm 59 years old and frankly, the future looks pretty grim for me. I certainly won't accuse you of 'pill shaming' me but I'm feel like I'm getting really good care right now. The meds I take right now make it possible for me to not spend every waking hour in some level of panic. I'm starting to participate in things again and get more things done. I'll take it for now. Now is not forever.
I do appreciate your concern. Thank you
We can NEVER allow this shit to become normal. Never, ever.
[onion ninjas]Seeing dad wipe away tears makes me want to ask "WTF?"