Junior High PE Nazi Tom Homan Will Punch You Right In Your F*cking Face, Loser!

Bargain-basement Andre the Giant challenges a heckler to a fight.

White House immigration oaf Tom Homan had himself a weekend. The marble-mouthed offspring produced when Sloth from The Goonies fucked a yeti, Homan spent Sunday morning walking back his inadvertent confession that ICE agents are engaged in racial profiling as they round up every brown-skinned person they can find. This was the morning after he spent an evening trying to out-heckle a heckler at a Turning Point USA event. Some people can handle such heckling in ways that disarm the audience.

Tom Homan is not one of those people.

First, the racial profiling, which we all know ICE is doing, mostly because the Trump administration keeps more or less saying they are doing it. But it was still nice of Homan to confirm it for everyone. In a Fox News interview on Friday, the border Führer was asked to respond to a federal judge’s imminent ruling ordering authorities to stop immigration raids temporarily, because ICE and other officers had been indiscriminately arresting people “based on their race, accents, or the work they’re engaged in,” a massive violation of the Fourth Amendment.

To anyone else, this seems reasonable. To giant pissbabies like Tom Homan trying to ethnically cleanse America, it’s hrrrr drrrr activist communist judges waging war on Donald Trump, or some shit:

“Get our typical facts based on the location, the occupation, their physical appearance, their actions ... agents are trained what they need to detain somebody temporarily and question them is not probable cause, it’s reasonable suspicion. We’re trained on that. Every agent gets Fourth Amendment training over and over again.”

We made a joke over the weekend to the effect of Tom Homan says immigration sweeps are not just about skin color. It’s also skin color plus are you in the vicinity of a Home Depot? Then we watched the video and Homan really mentioned hanging around Home Depot as one factor agents might look for. These asshats are so predictable.

That was Friday. On Sunday Homan submitted to an interview with Dana Bash on CNN, during which one fact became crystal-clear: In between Friday and Sunday, Tom Homan had talked to ICE’s lawyers:

BASH: What about an individual’s physical appearance would give immigration agents, quote, “reasonable suspicion” that they might be in the US illegally?

HOMAN: First of all, let me be clear: physical description can’t be the sole factor to give you reasonable suspicion. As I said in the interview, it’s articulable facts, with an “s.” So appearance can be just one. For example, if someone has an MS-13 tattoo on their face ...

You guys are running across a lot of day laborers with MS-13 face tattoos hanging around Home Depot in the hope someone will hire them to retile a bathroom, are you? Anyway, we’ve been through this thing with the tattoos before. Shockingly, ICE is not good at identifying gang tattoos, but that hasn’t stopped them from sending people to Salvadoran gulags based on nothing else whatsoever.

Homan continued:

“I want to be clear about that again because my words were taken out of context. Physical description cannot be the sole reason to detain and question somebody. ... It’s a myriad of factors, and I could sit here for half an hour and give you all the factors.”

He then proceeded to not sit for half an hour and give us all the factors that allow ICE to detain and question about the immigration status of any brown-skinned person who happens to be, say, enjoying the sun in MacArthur Park in Los Angeles on a random weekday. But clearly some lawyer had called him and said, Tom, ix-nay on the ysical-phay earance-appay, you’re confirming what judges and advocates are saying. Whoops.

Presumably, Homan walked off the set of the Bash interview, slapped his paws together, and shouted “Nailed it!”

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Then there was the Turning Point USA event on Saturday night, where this dime-store Michael Chiklis had been invited to tell a screaming crowd of bigots all about how he is making America white again for them. Not long after he started speaking, someone in the crowd started yelling at him, asking if he himself was a member of MS-13.

As heckles go, not great. A good heckle has at least a kernel of truth to it, like yelling at a pitcher who keeps throwing meatballs straight down the middle to Juan Soto to get another job. If you’re going to heckle Tom Homan, you need imagery that attaches itself to him, like asking how he felt about losing out on a role in Young Frankenstein to Peter Boyle.

But Homan, the giant human thumb, responded the way we imagine he responds to everything: by blundering forward like he was trying to run through a wall. First he suggested the heckler “bring it” up onstage. Then he started chanting “U-S-A" like he was watching an old tape of the Miracle on Ice. After that, it got stupid(er):

“This guy wouldn’t know what it’s like to serve this nation! This guy ain’t got the balls to be an ICE officer! ... This guy lives in his mother’s basement! The only thing that surprises me is he doesn’t have purple hair and a nose ring. Get outta here, you loser! If you’re such a badass, meet me offstage in 13 minutes and 50 seconds! I guarantee you he sits down to pee!”

Oooo, big words from the big galoot. Are there any other stereotypes he missed? Did he sneer about the heckler playing video games? Did he tell the heckler to get a job? Did he tell him to get in his VW van and drive back to Woodstock? We’re dying to know.

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Trump ICE Idiot Tom Homan: Bad Cop

Tom Homan Is Boss Of Trump Nazi Immigration Gym Class, Obey His Whistle!

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We can’t speak for the heckler, but Homan was correct about something: we do not have the “balls” to be an ICE agent, at least however this thug defines the word.

We do not have the “balls” to go to immigrant court and handcuff 75-year-old grandmothers for the crime of overstaying a visa. We do not have the “balls” to terrify small children by yanking their parents out of their cars and carting them off in our unmarked vehicles while leaving the kids by the side of the road. We do not have the “balls” to stuff human beings — hardly any of whom have any criminal records or charges, one of whom (that we know of) says he’s a US citizen — into concentration camps in the middle of the Everglades and leave them to rot. We do not have the “balls” to call a sitting politician “stupid” and “the dumbest congresswoman ever” because she knows we’re a terrified baby engaging in cruel and immoral behavior. (But then, Tom Homan said that about Alexandria Ocasio-Cortez to an interviewer on Newsmax, so as far as we know, he does not have the balls to say it to the politician’s face either.)

We also do not have the “balls” to constantly lie that all these grandmothers and day laborers are secretly vicious gang members for whom constitutional protections do not exist. We do not have the “balls” to sit on our dumpy ass in a hospital lobby in Glendale, California, and wait for anyone in need of medical attention who isn’t white to wander into our line of sight so we can do our best Gestapo impression and yell “Papers, please!” right in their faces. We do not have the “balls” to dump people in South Sudan in the middle of a war there.

No, we do not have the “balls” to be an ICE agent. We also lack the shamelessness, the indecency, the boorishness, the vulgarness, the churlishness, the crudity, the arrogance, the loutishness, the surliness, or the clownishness to be an ICE agent, a job that as best we can tell is done by dullards so unqualified for law enforcement that they would quickly wash out of a gig patrolling nursing homes to keep the nurses from stealing pudding.

You are correct, Tom Homan. We do not have the “balls” for so manly and lofty a pursuit as being an ICE agent.

On the other hand, we don’t have to hide our face behind a neck gaiter when we go out in public. Also, we can sleep at night. So there’s that.

[Bluesky / Joe.My.God / New Republic / Yahoo]

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