Pudding-faced Texas state Attorney General Ken Paxton is stepping bravely up to protect children from the scourge of being vaccinated against childhood diseases!
Yes, Ken Paxton (Q-Texas), a GOP brain genius who is also running for Senate but has no control over his own campaign, has so addled himself with conspiracy theories and whackadoodle Facebook posts that he isn’t just against the COVID-19 vaccine like a normal ghoul. He’s against all of ‘em!
And by God he is gonna jail pediatricians just to make sure everybody knows he means business. His office is sending Texas pediatricians letters with shit in them like this:
“The division believes that you are in possession, custody or control” of material, “involving potential misleading or deceptive acts regarding incentives associated with the administration of childhood vaccines,” it said, adding that such acts could be in violation of the state’s deceptive trade practices law.
Yeah, that’s right, his office — which launched an investigation of the American Academy of Pediatrics earlier this year — is going after the people who make sure your kids don’t die of fucking pertussis, or polio, or COVID, saying he has “concerns” that the AAP “may be promoting and recommending childhood vaccines for financial gain.”
He hates your children and wants them to die.
“I will ensure that Big Pharma and Big Insurance don’t bribe medical providers to pressure parents to jab their kids with vaccines they feel aren’t safe or necessary,” he said when announcing the investigation in January, describing his efforts as working “alongside President Trump” and Health Secretary Robert F. Kennedy Jr.
“Together, we will Make America Healthy Again,” he said, using the rallying cry of a movement that helped elect Mr. Trump and propel Mr. Kennedy into the top health position in the federal government.
Make Kids Preventably Blind Again, you mean.
Dear Ken: I hope you get measles, you fucking stupid eugenicist dipshit. Then I hope you get chicken pox and your eyes swell shut from the pocks, and as you are groping around your house for a glass of water you step on Legos with your bare feet and fall down the stairs, then as you are falling down the stairs I hope you somehow end up with a really bad version of the flu by the time you’re at the bottom of them! Fuck you!
It is unclear why he opened this investigation, though some people in Texas have speculated that he began it to court Mr. Trump’s endorsement in a competitive primary race (which he eventually received) or to appeal to vaccine-skeptical Texas voters.
Let’s never use the term “vaccine skeptical” again. It provides way too much cover for this exact shit. This man should be yanked out of office and prosecuted to the hilt for what he’s doing to little kids, who deserve so much better than this type of leadership. He should be tarred and feathered and run out of town.
But that’s not going to happen right now, so I’ll just have to curse him. Luckily, I am good at curses and hexes, as I am brimming over with venom, and spite, and bad feeling and all sorts of poison to spare, and according to many of my exes, I am a real goddamn witch, so here goes!
I curse you, Ken Paxton, to contract every childhood disease that exists, despite the vaccines I know your hypocritical ass has gotten. I curse you to the misery that comes with it. May you get pocks on your eyeballs, in your ears, and in every aperture that you never normally have to think about, and may you be forced to think about those apertures for the rest of your life due to a lingering, maddening itch in horrible places, which doctors cannot explain, because they didn’t forget that you tried to put them all in jail for trying to uphold the tattered remnants of herd immunity and keep us all safe.
After that, I hope you end up in the depths of Republican Hell, but still itchy, where you are forced to wrestle with Dead Dennis Hastert, for eternity.
SO MOTE IT BE.
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There's a reason your health insurer is sending you reminders to get vaccinated. That is because the vaccine costs them, and you, way way less than you contracting a preventable disease that turns serious. You vaccinated also protects other people from picking up something from you. It's called public health.
That’s a really excellent, well thought-out and comprehensive curse right there. Well done! 🧙♀️