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Kyrsten Sinema's Totally Real Not At All Made Up Perfect Plan For FLAWLESS VICTORY
Go! Bananas! B-A-N-A-N-A-S!
Kyrsten Sinema of the Sinema Party is most likely running for re-election after having spent most of her first term needlessly alienating the very coalition that actually elected her. We really must emphasize “needlessly” here because her voting record is perfectly acceptable for a conservative Democrat who flipped a once-red state. Her Republican predecessor Jeff Flake would’ve never voted for Joe Biden’s judicial nominees. That’s a clear upgrade.
If Sinema hadn’t made “jerkass” her personal brand, most Democrats would’ve tolerated even her worst individual votes. They were even willing to overlook that gross curtsy when she voted against a minimum wage increase. She certainly wouldn’t have been facing a viable primary challenge. Senate Democratic leadership is pretty forgiving. Just ask Bob Menendez.
However, Sinema went out of her way to antagonize and piss off Democrats, and now she’s at risk of losing her
lucrative Facebook Marketplace side hustle Senate seat.
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Actual Democrat Ruben Gallego leads both Sinema and any potential Republican in the polls. It seem like the only real question is whether Sinema will snag the so-so silver medal or the shameful bronze, but she hasn’t yet updated her LinkedIn job seeking status. She has a bold strategy for victory.
NBC News reports that Sinema has shared a “two-page prospectus” with her big-money donors that details her formula for a winning electoral coalition: It’s 10 to 20 percent of Democrats, 60 to 70 percent of independents and 25 to 35 percent of Republicans.
OK, so it’s official: Kyrsten Sinema is an idiot. She doesn’t even realize how stupid she is. George W. Bush, for instance, probably was smart enough to know he had to pay for the answers to his college exams.
Alongside a headshot of her and a section titled “Kyrsten Will Win Arizona,” the document says: “If the parties nominate extremists, as expected, Kyrsten will win a majority of IND, at least a third of REP and a percentage of DEM voters — making her the first Independent to win a three-way statewide race in American history.” A source shared the document, which has circulated among Arizona political operatives in recent days.
I wonder if the included headshot was the infamous photo of her slurping sangria while modeling her “fuck off” mood ring.
Gallego isn’t an extremist. He’s a normal mainstream Democrat. Sinema can try to smear the Iraq War veteran as a commie radical but that will prove as successful as her efforts to make people like her.
Now, let’s take a look at the CNN Arizona Senate exit polls from 2018.
Sinema narrowly won independents with 50 percent of the vote to professional Senate race loser Martha McSally’s 47 percent. She now contends she can get that number to 60 or 70 percent? How? Katie Hobbs won 52 percent of independents against election-denying MAGA loon Kari Lake — the very extremist Sinema hopes Republicans will nominate. Mark Kelly did slightly better against weirdo Blake Masters, but still nowhere near the numbers Sinema thinks she can deliver. Ditching her former party and smack-talking Joe Biden isn’t going to send independents stampeding to her door.
The prospect of Sinema winning 25 to 35 percent of self-identified Republicans is so absurd as to demand a mental competency check. I can’t predict the future but I can access and read recent election results. Hobbs and Kelly only managed nine percent of Republican voters against Lake and Masters. Yes, Sinema boasted 12 percent against McLoser but that was pre-Trump — the few remaining “sensible” Republicans are now Democrats or independents.
Kari Lake is evil but she’s not totally incompetent. She just has to remind Arizona Republicans that Sinema has voted for most of Biden’s domestic agenda, including the bipartisan infrastructure and gun safety deals. Sinema is also openly pro-choice and won’t support a national abortion ban. A squishy centrist couldn’t even get 25 to 35 percent support in a Republican primary let alone the general election.
Sinema did the best in 2018 among Democrats, which is not a shock because she was still theoretically a Democrat at the time. She now concedes that she will likely crater from 97 percent Democratic support to just 10 to 20 percent! That’s pathetic and yet still unattainable. Democrats will vote for the Democratic nominee. As the Sinema Party nominee, Sinema might endure McSally or Lake-level numbers of actual Democratic support.
Democrats and Republicans were united this week in mocking Sinema’s strategy. Rick Gorka, a spokesperson for Republican candidate Mark Lamb, said Sinema was “delusional” if she thought she had any realistic path to victory. Then he started dragging her like she was any other Democrat.
It seems like Sinema got high on her own narcissistic supply and greatly exaggerated her right-wing fanbase. She might’ve served as a somewhat useful idiot for Republicans, but she’ll soon learn what happens when that usefulness comes to an end. I can’t wait to see it.
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