The three-day fuckoff of BBQs and booze that marks the end of summer is unfortunately here. Real Americans are taking the dollar or two they have left in their bank accounts, loading their Winnebagos with beef jerky, and heading to the local landfill for the weekend. But if you're doing Labor Day the Elite Way and sticking around the Nation's Capital, you can enjoy yourself only if you listen to us and do at least three-quarters of the things on our handy-dandy guide to this purposeless day/weekend of rest.
I thought everyone was planning to go wind surfing on the Potomac as the hurricane came in.