Laura Ingraham Knows Who's Worse Than Capitol Rioters, It Is Jack Smith And Those Nice MSNBC Historians

We have no fucking idea.

Laura Ingraham was on one last night, and by “on one” we mean she’s still showing up to work even though her show was such a piece of shit she got kicked out of primetime and into the hour when the viewers are picking applesauce out of their butts while they get the “Wheel Of Fortune” answers wrong.

Sad for her.

Doing her trademark scoffing and eye-rolling and better-than-you-ing, like a mean girl sitting by herself at lunch, angrily protesting that if her friends who go to other, cooler schools were there, all the seats at this table would be full, she explained last night how Special Counsel Jack Smith is worse than the January 6 rioters. Or maye reporters are worse. Or something. It was Fox News propaganda intended for people whose adult kids didn’t call them last night, who knows what it really means?

(Video via Media Matters.)

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The clip starts with the “know-nothing” reporters, who have Trump Derangement Syndrome, because they are so DERANGED! Ingraham said they are “not reporters, they’re repeaters,” a bit of wordplay we bet she secretly thought belonged in the television primetime hours. “They can’t get past the last New York Times headline they read!” (Which one? Some kind of Maggie Haberman hootenanny? We need to know which NYT headline the reporters are reading in Laura Ingraham’s scoffing fantasy.)

She played a clip of repeater reporters saying mean news reports about how Donald Trump is a world-historical piece of shit criminal, and her entire criticism seemed to be that they were all saying the same things, like that it was “historic” that Donald Trump had been indicted all these times, and impeached all these times. Get a new word, nerds! Laura Ingraham scoffs at you, with her scoffing voice and face!

Then she said:

INGRAHAM: These people are so bent in the head over Trump that they’ve become what they claim he is: unhinged and unable to see the damage they’re doing to norms and democratic values. Now, in their relentless pursuit of Biden’s chief antagonist, AG Garland and his prosecutorial hitman Jack Smith are doing more damage to America than any group of Capitol rioters ever could.

LMAO. Okeydoke, clownass. Merrick Garland and Jack Smith, in bringing to justice the vile shithole-American who tried to literally overthrow the Republic, are doing more damage to America than the white supremacist terrorists who were such bigtime helpers in his Republic-overthrowing project on January 6. Sure thing, fuckface.

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But that’s not who she’s the angriest about. Not the reporters, not the special counsel. That’s not who she’s calling the manager and refusing to move her pontoon boat about. She’s angriest at historians, we guess because they’re always contextualizing history with current events, like common historians. “Where can we go to get our historians back?” said her chyron, like she was looking for a comment card hotline.

Ingraham said “anti-Trump contagion” has “infected that august group of American historians who are supposed to be able to distill the full sweep of national and world events without a blinding historical bias.” Fox News white fascist propaganda cannot conceive of the notion that Trump is literally so unacceptable to American and human history that even the historians call him a piece of shit to his face. It’s almost like the white fascist propagandists are taking the wrong lesson, from the historians.

She is angry at Michael Beschloss, who goes on the TV with his soft-spoken aw-shucks scholarly uncle thing and, you know, calls Trump a world-historical piece of shit and a threat to the fabric of the Republic. She played a clip of Becshloss saying Osama bin Laden “hated our democracy, tried to destroy it,” and said so did Trump. She made a scoffy judgmental crack about when Beschloss “isn’t busy on Martha’s Vineyard, there’s always Doris Kearns Goodwin.” (We guess the uncool kids who won’t sit with Ingraham at lunch, which is fine because these seats are taken by her friends from Canada anyway, often make fun of people for being busy on Martha’s Vineyard. You wouldn’t understand. It’s an inside joke.)

What did Doris Kearns Goodwin do? She showed insufficient deference to their babbling criminal shitlord Trump. In fact, she even said that it’s important to make sure Trump is never re-elected! What do historians know about the present? Aren’t historians just supposed to say both sides of historical facts and then say the white supremacists were the good guys? (Or are we hallucinating a PragerU video about Christopher Columbus?)

No, Ingraham really said something that vapid:

INGRAHAM: Huh! It must be my misunderstanding, I guess, because I always thought that historians were individuals who wrote about different arcs of the political parties and events, their leaders, not people who call for political action in the future!

Yeah! “The future” is a segment of linear time that’s off limits to you historians! Stick to writing down that whatever white people did in the past wasn’t that bad and everybody else is probably just whining and wants a handout.

This has been a history lesson with Laura Ingraham.

Or a scoffing lesson.

Or something, we don’t know, but you still can’t sit with her at lunch, these seats are taken.

[Media Matters]

Evan Hurst on Twitter right here. 

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