Laura Loomer Angrily Agrees Wonkette Very Nicely Asked Her How Her Dogs Were

And then she followed us. On foot.

So we were walking out of the Republican National Convention security perimeter, talking to the nicest woman named Nadine who was holding the most wonderful signs warning folks about Project 2025. Hi, Nadine! You are nailing it.

But we were hungry, so it was time to corral our troops and walk toward whatever restaurant was going to put the food on our families.

But then suddenly there was Laura Loomer.

(If you do not know who that is, plz do your own Googles.)

“WE ALL HAVE TO GO GET LOOMERED,” we said to each other, implying consent.

So we went there. And Rebecca went there. And I dunno what came over me but I said

"HOW ARE YOUR DOGS DOING?’

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I asked her that. I asked for a picture. Rebecca also got a picture. “YOU HAVE DOGS, HOW ARE YOUR DOGS?” I kept asking.

I was insistent this was how this was going to go.

I asked because during the Trump trial in Manhattan, Loomer (who is for the record batshit) was super pissed because nobody was out there protesting with her — I reckon this was before all the white Republican congressmen started to show up to taint-slobber for the King — and she made these tweets like (paraphrase) GODDAMMIT WHY Y’ALL FUCKERS NOT HERE, I GOTTA GO BACK TO FLORIDA TO LET MY DOGS OUT, SHIT GODDAMN MOTHERFUCKER SHIT, PROBABLY NEED TO BUY SOME MILK TOO, FUCK.

(Don’t ask me to look the tweets up.)

Point is that was the day I was like, “Oh maybe Laura Loomer is a human being on some level. People have dogs. People love their dogs.” She was REAL mad at Kristi Noem, for the dog murdering.

So I filed it away in my brain, because I figured if I ever encountered her, I’d ask, because even Hitler loved his dogs. (Allegedly.)

The following transcript is a paraphrase/summary of our encounter, because drinks were had by us, so hopefully we’re just capturing the spirit of the conversation, even if Royal We gets the order and exact words bonkers wrong:

HURST: HOW ARE YOUR DOGS?

LOOMER: WHO DO YOU WORK FOR?

HURST: OH THIS TERRIBLE WEBSITE YOU DEFINITELY HATE, IT’S CALLED WONKETTE.

LOOMER: OMG THAT WEBSITE WRITES THE MEANEST THINGS ABOUT ME! MAD MAD MAD MAD ONCE UPON A TIME THERE WAS A MAD, HASHTAG MAD.

HURST: OH DEFINITELY, WE ARE COMPLETE LIBERAL DICKS, BUT WE ALSO BELIEVE IN FREE SPEECH, BUT ALSO MOREOVER HOWEVER WHATSOEVER ADDITIONALLY LET IT BE SHOWN FOR THE RECORD THAT THE REPRESENTATIVE OF THE MEAN WEBSITE IN QUESTION ALSO LITERALLY RIGHT NOW JUST ASKED YOU HOW YOUR DOGS WERE, INSTEAD OF SAYING OTHER MEAN THINGS TO YOU.

HURST: AND SERIOUSLY, HOW ARE THOSE CUTE PUPPIES?

LOOMER: THEY ARE GOOD! I HAVE ALWAYS THOUGHT IF THE LEFT AND RIGHT EVER UNITED IT WOULD BE ABOUT DOGS!

And then she started following us. Not on Twitter, with her feet. I feel like she was maybe still yelling at us, or wanting to, she wanted a fight (or footage she could make look like a fight) but it was like meh. We were still hungry, and were we even going to be fun to donnybrook with at that point? Also we were on the way out, she was on the way in.

So it was not an Extended Loomer-ing.

Loomer did confirm that we (I, Evan the Wonkette) literally asked about her dogs and was nice. Couldn’t avoid that hard truth. Maybe there’s some part of her that was like oh I wanna see my dogs in that moment. Maybe the human part of her thought, “Oh maybe he has one too.”

I do not know Loomer’s capacity for nice, but it is a solid perhaps that was it.

(RELATED: Terriblest time to inform longtime readers, but I realized recently I never did. Lula went to be with the Lord a little over a year ago, April 6, 2023. I couldn’t bring myself to write about it at the time. But she was 18. Eighteen! A god-dang lab mix and she was eighteen! And also half blue heeler, like Bluey, which may have contributed to eighteen! And now it’s been over a year. So fill the comments with loves and hilariousness, but not sympathy and sads. I MEAN IT.)

Point is, let’s all do Laura Loomer a solid — yes! for fun and fellowship! — and instead of calling her a mean name — JUST THIS ONE TIME — post a picture of your cute dog or cat or fish or rodent, and that way if Laura Loomer sees this post she will angrily say to herself, “I AM NOT SURE HOW TO LOOMER THIS SITUATION AND AWWWW CUTE PUPPIES AND KITTENS” (she will be so mad when she says this) and then America will be saved, in Sarah McLachlan’s name, Amen.

ASTERISK ADDENDUM: I will letchall know the second the new dog comes along. Gonna be soon. She’s already named. Might surprise you what kinda dog it’s gonna be. At least the one that comes before the next blue heeler or heeler mix, which is also going to happen whenever the time is perfect. OK you pulled it out of me, I’m in the market for a long haired miniature wiener dog, and then I also want a new heeler baby, but I need a bigger backyard first.

Evan has a new side project called The Moral High Ground, you should check it out and subscribe there too!

Follow Evan Hurst on Twitter right here. 

BlueSky! 

@evanjosephhurst on Threads!

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