Lauren Boebert Just Wondering Why Congress So Full Of Horndog Beetlejuicers

Doctor Red Cross worker heal thyself.

It’s six months from Cocktober, and GOP Rep. Lauren Boebert has a question about Congress:

“Yeah, go to church, find Jesus. Like, I mean, why is everybody so horny here?” she asked.

And what did Lauren Boebert do the day after she Beetlejuiced her date at the touring production of Beetlejuice the musical? Was that the day she found Jesus?

We are just asking.

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So, we are sorry, but we need to take issue with Boebert’s comments here, because there’s a whole lot of bullshit in that six-second clip.

First of all, the scandals that led to the resignations this week from Congress are not horny. Horny would be, say, not being able to wait to get home before you start doing handys to your date right there at the touring cast production of Beetlejuice the musical in Denver.

That is horny.

Democrat Eric Swalwell has been accused of rape, sexual harassment, assault, and more.

Republican Tony Gonzales has been accused of sexual harassment and an affair with a former staffer, who later died by suicide.

There is a difference between sexual predator behavior — those guys, allegedly — and horny.

And spare us the fucking “they need to find Jesus” shit, because it’s a well-known fact that the most dangerous place for a child to be alone is with a member of conservative Christian clergy or ministerial leadership or youth ministry or AND SO ON.

You know. Statistically.

Is It 'Anti-Christian Extremism' To Note How Often Conservative Christian Leaders Abuse Kids?

Boebert is unique among her Republican colleagues in that she actually seems to want accountability for the men all over the Trump-Epstein Child Rape files. (We will this one time ONLY also credit Rep. Anna Paulina Luna.) That’s a good thing.

Of course, it seems likely from Boebert’s behavior when she gets a microphone that she may only be interested in that because she literally believes the most bugfucking insane conspiracy theories on the planet, all of them about Democrats. Whereas the rest of us understand that Donald Trump is the star of the Epstein Files, that the dead child rapist Jeffrey Epstein was his best friend, and that the still-hidden revelations probably have something to do with that, Boebert used her time deposing Hillary Clinton (who didn’t even know Epstein) to babble at her about Pizzagate. Were there things about Pizzagate in the Epstein Files?

No, really. She literally asked Hillary about the deranged conspiracy theories that when John Podesta would refer to pizza or hot dogs in his emails, that maybe he was speaking in code about child sex trafficking.

“Have you reviewed any 2025, 2026 Epstein Files that were released that you believe reference or relate to those specific 2016 claims regarding the Podesta emails, Comet Ping Pong Pizza, used as code, possibly?”

At which point Hillary Clinton made the most wonderfully hilarious faces, you should watch the video all over again. Then Clinton said, “Pizzagate was totally made up, it was an outrageous allegation that ended up hurting a number of people, that caused a deranged young man to show up with his assault rifle and shoot up a local pizzeria. I can’t believe you’re even referencing it.”

In another interview this very week with noted sane person Benny Johnson, Boebert babbled about Frazzledrip, the nutbag conspiracy theory Wonkette has explained before, wherein — Wonkette quoting Wonkette here — “QAnon idiots believe that there is a video somewhere, codenamed FRAZZLEDRIP, of Hillary Clinton and Huma Abedin cutting the face off of a child and then prancing around wearing it like a mask, and then consuming the little girl's adrenal gland for the adrenochrome.”

In the Benny Johnson interview, Boebert barfed out weird conspiracy words about how she thinks the Epstein Files are connected to the Anthony Weiner laptop that she’s pretty sure has the “frazzledrip” video, because oh my fucking God, it will never stop being 2016.

“These things don’t just originate out of NOWHERE,” said this stupid fucking woman. “Wow!” said Benny Johnson, a well-known liar and plagiarist who Russia used to (?) pay to disseminate propaganda. “It’s been said that FBI agents that went in and viewed this laptop, many of them are not alive anymore!” said Lauren Boebert, who went on to suggest that maybe these FBI agents committed suicide, because of how they saw the laptop!

OR DID THEY???? LOTTA PEOPLE AROUND THE CLINTONS “COMMIT SUICIDE,” DONCHA KNOW

Anything to keep from confronting all the actual child rapists in your own party and religious belief system, eh, Lauren Boebert?

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QAnon Idiots Think Quarantined Celebs Are Using Videos To Send Secret Messages About Eating Babies

How Did Evil Russians Manage To Fool Dave Rubin, Tim Pool, AND Benny Johnson? Wow!

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So that is the person who is asking why everybody in Congress is so “horny.”

To her credit, she is encouraging anybody who’s been victimized by anybody on Capitol Hill to let her know.

“If your boss is mistreating you, or someone else in the office, tell somebody—come to my office,” she told reporters Wednesday. “If you want to remain anonymous, remain anonymous. Let one of us loudmouths get it out there for you. I’m happy to issue receipts on behalf of anyone.”

Of course maybe she’s just saying that because she really thinks somebody is going to come tell her THE REAL TRUTH about the Frazzledrips and the Pizzagates.

Bless her heart.

[New York Post]

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