Let's See How James Comer's Impeachment Investigation Is Going. Is He Nailing It?

Hunter is testifying today, by the way. Early reports are that it's boring.

Feb 28, 2024

Hunter Biden’s penis is in Congress today. Don’t worry, he’s there with it.

Finally, Hunter is giving the closed-door deposition House Oversight Committee Chair James Comer and Judiciary Chair Jim Jordan have been demanding. We are sure he will reveal the smoking gun that proves that Joe Biden took ??? from ??? in exchange for !!!

Or at least Comer will leave the hearing and lie and tell reporters Hunter did, while he strums his banjo and picks boogers out of his teeth.

Considering Comer’s lifelong track record of failure, we are certain this will have absolutely no effect on anything. Comer’s star witness Alexander Smirnov — by which we mean his main conduit for Russian lies framing the Bidens, which he sucks up like mama’s booby milk — is in jail, and the mean judge won’t let him out until his trial, because he’s a flight risk. (And also a falling out of windows into a pool full of polonium risk, if we want to be super honest.)

As Playbook points out, Joe Biden’s brother James Biden testified the other day, and shockingly failed to reveal the smoking gun that proved Joe Biden took ??? from ??? in exchange for !!!

Comer hasn’t really even trumpeted the fact that Hunter’s testimony is happening. Instead the big news this week is that he and Jordan have subpoenaed Special Counsel Robert Hur for all his documents and scribble-doodles about how Joe Biden is old. We’re sure that’ll flame out spectacularly just like everything else Comer touches. (Hur will likely appear in public before the House Judiciary Committee on March 12. That’s the day we get to watch Democrats flay him alive while we clap our hands.)

So this will be just great. (Democratic Rep. Jared Moskowitz has already tweeted to say it’s boring.) We might get to see a transcript this week, we assume after Comer has had time to start telling some lies about what Hunter said behind closed doors. The White House is shaking in its boots:

The White House, one person involved told Playbook, will “push back on their bullshit attacks on him and his family. But there's just not a lot more juice left to be squeezed.”

Ayup. That’s about the right tone to use when your mortal enemy is James Comer, Kentucky Fried Pigfuck.

None of this matters, at least not in any substantial way. The investigations Comer and Jordan are doing are just cogs in the greater Russian/Republican disinformation campaign to smear and destroy the Bidens, especially in an election year.

At this point, especially with the indictment of Smirnov, it’s a joke to even suggest Comer, Jordan, Senators Chuck Grassley and Ron Johnson, and the rest haven’t been fully aware this entire time that they’ve been ass-vomiting disinformation about the Bidens cooked up in a KGB spy lab. The FBI has been giving these people and their comrades similar warnings ever since Rudy Giuliani first came back from Ukraine with his grandpa underpants smelling like borscht in 2019. (Here’s Liz Dye with a detailed retrospective “Behind The Music” episode that connects all the dots together, in case you’d like a refresher.)

Obviously, there’s no smoking gun to find in the “Biden crime family,” because it’s all projection, because they’re deathly angry Donald Trump and his actual crime family are being held accountable for their millions of crimes against the Republic.

Speaking of projection, the media bullshit game is still going strong, and as is so often the case, they’re funneling it in the direction of easily led squawking rage muppet Maria Bartiromo. (On Fox Business, the channel where the business happens!) A clearly braindead Fox News contributor named Miranda Devine told Bartiromo that Alexander Smirnov, the “valuable” informant, might get “Epsteined” in prison. (Only if a Russian intelligence officer gets in, dipfuck.)

Meanwhile, here is Comer telling Bartiromo yesterday that the FBI has no credibility, and how can yew indict this guy for workin’ with the Russians when “DAT’S WHAT DAY PAID HIMMMM FER OVER 10 YEARS TO DO!” Comer says he does not know anything about his own star witness, has basically never heard of him! “Everything I have had to do with the FBI has been very SOO-SPISH-ISS. The trust level that I have with the FBI is zero, Maria!”

He says Smirnov was never a key part of his investigation. (He was literally the linchpin.) “He was just one more confirmation for you!” said Bartiromo excitedly, because she’s fucking stupid.

(Note that chyron has a new name, that of Jason Galanis, who is Comer’s new star witness. This star witness, like three of them before him, is in prison right now.)

But sometimes you can’t even fool Maria Bartiromo. (Still most of the time, though.) Watch as something that looked mysteriously like skepticism seemed to come over her face as she kept asking Ron Johnson this morning if he has evidence that Joe Biden is guilty of corruption. “President Biden is the don of the Biden crime family. Oftentimes the dons kinda sit above all the criminal activity that occurs, but they're fully responsible for it,” he said like he was talking about Trump.

Good lord.

For a palate cleanser, Republican Rep. Ken Buck, who is just over all this shit, roasted Newsmax idiot Rob Schmitt on a spit this week over this impeachment bullshit. “There is no evidence that Joe Biden received money. When Senator Johnson talks about the Biden crime family, and talks about the ‘don’ of the Biden crime family, you have to have evidence that Joe Biden received money or took some act specifically as a result of Hunter Biden receiving money from these various countries.”

That was just the beginning of Buck making Schmitt look like a goddamned moron on live TV. We’ll end with this clip of Buck debunking the original Big Lie about Joe Biden demanding the firing of that Ukrainian prosecutor — the Big Lie that started this entire ball rolling! — right to Schmitt’s stupid face, and casually noting that Ron Johnson probably knows that, because wasn’t he involved in that foreign policy at the time? He’s not sure, he’s just saying. (He was.)

At the end of the clip, the Newsmax mouthbreather accuses Ken Buck of having a “different agenda” from the rest of the Republican Party.

A self-own for the ages if we ever heard one.

[Politico Playbook / videos via Aaron Rupar]

REFRESH YOURSELF ON THIS TOPIC!