LFG! Tabs, Election Day, November 5, 2024!
That stands for 'Let's fucking go' if you don't know any common abbreviations.
Oh lordy let this be a good day, let this be a good day, let this be a good day, and may we be done with the Orange Menace forever after this, in the name of whatever gods you pray or don’t pray to, a-fucking-MEN.
GO VOTE.
PBS/Marist’s final national poll has Kamala Harris up 51 to 47, outside of the margin of error. Fingers crossed some more! [PBS]
Some data nerds we actually like say that the Republicans’ early vote strategy has totally fucking failed. [Meidas+]
Want to be an informed voter who knows when to expect things on election night, instead of being that DUMB IDIOT at your election watch party, the one who is like OH I’M JUST GONNA HAVE ONE MORE DRINK WHILE WE WAIT FOR THE RETURNS FROM MARICOPA and then all your friends throw pie at your body because you are an idiot who thinks Maricopa will be done counting before next August? Check out this guide of when to expect things then! [New York Times] [Whoops sorry, there’s a strike on. Find a different place for “what to expect when you’re expecting, like Law and Chaos Pod.]
Nikki Haley wrote in the Wall Street Journal that though she is a craven hack, she is also a coward devoid of principles. So, you know, vote for Trump or whatever. [Wall Street Journal]
Tucker Carlson says hurricanes are caused by abortions. And here you thought it was just Democrats with weather machines, PSHAW. It’s Democrats with weather machines AT PLANNED PARENTHOOD. [JoeMyGod]
If James “Dildo Lube Boat” O’Keefe secretly films ballot-counting, is that legal or fuck you? [New York Times] [The Guardian instead]
Is Drunkballs McRudyNotALawyer thinking about running for mayor of New York City next year? Sure why not. Was fun the first time, 300 years ago. [New York Post]
Over at my Friday place this week, it was the last newsletter before the election, and I spent it giggling my ass off at Charlie Kirk and Jesse Watters and all these other loser MAGA bros terrified their wives might vote for Kamala Harris and lie to them about it. By the way, Charlie is STILL so mad about it. [The Moral High Ground]
Donald Trump’s spokesweenus Steven Cheung is a totally normal, totally classy guy. [Mediaite]
Well this seems extreme!
Is this white bean, rice and dill soup from the New York Times any good? Dunno, didn’t make it yet. You make it and tell me in the comments! Or make a peanut butter and jelly sandwich, like I care. [New York Times] Whoops sorry Evan forgot the NYT tech guild is ON STRIKE, NO NYT.
OK that’s enough tabs, jeeeeeeeeezus lord go vote.
But for the record, that guy doesn’t really have to cut off his own wangus if Harris wins Iowa. We know he said he would, but it’s not like we asked him to make that promise.
See how nice Democrats are?
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Election Day! Thank you for voting! Here is your sticker: https://open.substack.com/pub/martiniambassador/p/vote-like-a-wonkitty
And a meme chat: https://open.substack.com/chat/posts/d086b3fd-e32a-4cf9-a2e6-09e9b88653af?utm_source=share
NYT links removed, Evan forgot about strike. Sorry about that!