Lindsey Graham Loved Documentary That's Going To Make Him Look Like Galactic A-hole

A fitting tribute to the clueless goober.

Screenshot from “Lindsey’s Game”

Funeral services for bloodthirsty war ghoul Lindsey Graham will be held on Tuesday in Washington and Wednesday in his native South Carolina. Given all the hagiography we’re likely to hear, we are grateful to The Wall Street Journal of all places for reminding the public that the man was an amoral slimeball with the same restraint when faced with waging war and killing people that a toddler has when faced with an open package of Oreos.

The filmmaker Alex Holder, whom we may all remember as the guy whose behind-the-scenes footage of Donald Trump’s 2020 re-election campaign later became evidence for the January 6 committee’s investigation, had been working on a documentary about Graham when the senator’s ticker went BRRRR SCREEEE. (That’s how it went.)

Holder had extensive behind-the-scenes access to Graham, and so captured a lot of his glee when the president launched his war on Iran in February. Given how Holder’s earlier project somehow found a way to make the entire Trump family look even dumber and more venal than we already thought they were, we have to laugh that Graham thought people would come out with an understanding of his career deeper than Wow, what an asshole:

“Look what we’ve done here. I almost cried,” he tells the crew, laughing loudly just after U.S. strikes on Iran began in February. “How long have we been pushing this?”

Ha ha ha, remember when America killed who knows how many Iranians and, in particular, dropped a bomb on the heads of a couple of hundred Iranian schoolgirls? Lindsey Graham almost cried. With joy!

He then tells the crew that Trump was equally happy about the war. “I talked to Trump this morning, he’s jacked, he said, ‘best thing I have ever done.’ He loves blowing stuff up.”

The video of his moment is embedded in the Journal’s story, so you can watch it and wonder why Lindsey Graham is being honored at the National Cathedral on Tuesday instead of being fired out of a catapult into a pool of sharks off Hilton Head.

The story also makes clear that Lindsey Graham was utterly delusional about how the war was going to go. He, like Trump, seemed to think the Iranian people were going to rise up in anger and overthrow their repressive government for leading them to this point. At one point, in a conversation with Jake Sullivan, national security advisor to Joe Biden, he said this:

“In three to four weeks, we’re going to have them in a spot where they start losing control of some cities … get the Arabs more openly involved tomorrow, and then have almost irreversible momentum.”

As we all know, the exact opposite has very predictably happened. To the extent Arab countries have gotten more involved in this whole fustercluck, it’s because Iran retaliated by bombing them. Various reports have suggested those countries are mad at Iran, yes, but also at the United States for dragging them into this. And who could blame them?

Graham also got frustrated because more Republicans weren’t out there cheering on the fulfillment of all of Lindsey Graham’s dreams:

At another point, he expresses dismay that Republicans aren’t doing enough to back the war. “Very few people are out selling this war from the administration. I’m shocked,” he says to the crew.

This war, like Trump himself, is insanely unpopular with the American people. It is especially unpopular with the loudest voices of the MAGA base. Many of these Republicans Graham was mad at have tough re-election campaigns going on. Of course they aren’t going to loudly back a war that few of them seemed very excited about to begin with.

In addition to being an idiot about waging war on Iran in general, it would appear Lindsey Graham had the political instincts of a tomato.

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What comes through above all, though, is just how much Lindsey Graham reveled in all the attention he was getting. He told the filmmakers how “cool this was” that they were making a documentary about him. At one point, he bragged that he could “do a media show every two seconds” and asked his press secretary “if he had ever been so in demand.” We’re so glad all those Iranian schoolgirls died so Lindsey Graham could up his Q score.

It all reminded us of a story we heard once about Joe Lieberman musing in all seriousness about whether he was one of the five greatest senators of all time. He and Graham are probably together in hell right now, suspended inches above a pool of lava while laughing demons stab them with pitchforks and drink blood out of their skulls, screaming that there has been some sort of bureaucratic mix-up and they can’t believe heaven is being run by Democrats.

Holder says that Graham would call all of what he was doing a “game.” So the documentary will be titled Lindsey’s Game. Somehow, we don’t think the late senator would understand that the title is not meant as a compliment.

There is no way exposure to diarrhea lettuce could make us more nauseated than the eulogies for Lindsey Graham are going to. So we’ll be avoiding them more assiduously than we have been avoiding salad for the last couple of weeks.

[Wall Street Journal]

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