Darline Graham Nordone is Lindsey Graham’s sister who is not dead. And look, we are about to be mean to her, but there is a reason that if your brain surgeon keels over before your operation, nobody says, “Well why don’t we see if the dead doc’s sister wants to give the scalpel a whirl?” Not that Lindsey Graham was a man of such great skill, but you get the point.
In a debate this week in the Republican special primary runoff, Darline Graham, who has been appointed to fill out her dead brother’s term and decided to keep on truckin’, really fucked the goat. It was awkward when she said there were “50 million people” in South Carolina, for one thing.
And then there was the extremely horrifying moment when moderator Greta Van Susteren (yeah, sure, why not) asked if Taiwan is an important national security interest of the United States and if so, why. Nordone (she calls herself “Graham” for pandering purposes) responded with some embarrassing meandering bullshit about how she don’t know nothin’ about no national security, but she sure does support the military.
It was horrific.
“Does the United States care about Taiwan” is a question for Senate hopefuls that comes somewhere between “state your name” and “please provide the customary stool sample on the way out.” We assume someone has been briefing her on what she’s supposed to care about (more on that in a second) so the idea that she hasn’t gotten at least a 30-second primer on “What is Taiwan?” is appalling.
And not that Lindsey Graham was any great foreign policy mind, or that his thoughts on the matter went deeper than his eternal Cialis boner to inflict pain and destruction and bombs on anybody that he perceived as looking at America funny, but foreign policy was nonetheless kind of his thing. Or at least he thought it was.
“I’m not a polished politician up here,” explained Nordone, about why she couldn’t even attempt to answer the question.
And the audience was appalled. You can hear them in the video above, gasping when she said, “I’m just gonna be honest here. I’m not on national security — I’m not — I’m not that informed on national security. So … but I do support the military.” And that audience should have been appalled. Charlotte Clymer explains why this was such a gimme question here.
And people might say oh well bless her heart, but she didn’t know she was gonna need to be doing this. But that’s precisely the thing. South Carolina Governor Henry McMaster appointed her to keep her dead brother’s seat from going into rigor mortis, and she could have done that, while declining to run for a new term, if she doesn’t know where Taiwan is but also thinks South Carolina is America’s largest state.
If she was this unprepared — did her dead brother have an opinion on Taiwan? Pretty sure he did — then she should have said you know what? I’m sure somebody from South Carolina is more qualified to do this, like the Appalachian Trail humper guy or Trey Gowdy, or maybe Madison Cawthorn would be willing to move to South Carolina? He’s available! Literally anybody is more qualified than I am — she could have just done that, it would have been fine.
But she didn’t.
In an interview last night, Graham Nordone revealed that she has been crash-coursing, just not on anything a normal, half-sentient person would care about. Instead, she’s been brushing up on fake bigot issues that get the MAGA base juiced.
On Sean Hannity’s show, the host defended Graham Nordone, noting that most people are morons who can’t find Taiwan on a map. We guess that is fine for MAGA’s senators now too. But she explained to him that the reason she hasn’t brushed up on the intricacies of “Which one of the Chinas is our ally?” is that “I think people in South Carolina are more […] concerned about boys in girls sports.”
Oh, OK.
You see, she talked to people in South Carolina yesterday (dimwits) and some lady talked to her “extensively” about this imaginary problem that does not exist except in the fever dreams of fearful dumbfucks.
Yes, this kind of inbred shit is the best we can expect from Republicans these days. We mentioned above that Lindsey Graham’s undead dumbass sister is obviously crash-coursing on something. She’s just not learning about real issues. She’s learning about make-believe stuff that makes white supremacist Christian conservative clown pigs shit their beds at night. This is what we can expect from the average Republican these days.
At any given time, on the youth level, there is a mere handful of student athletes in the entire country who identify as trans, and yet Fox News-watching mouthbreathers and the stupidest people on the entire planet think it’s half of all student athletes these days. Same on the NCAA level. Same on the professional level. It’s literally not a thing, or more specifically, not a thing that would require senators in an educated country to opine on it.
But this is not an educated country, this is a failing country full of the stupidest, most debased, devalued and devolved humans the species has ever produced.
So of course, Dumbfuck Darline is making “men in women’s sports” a centerpiece of her campaign to replace her dead brother in the Senate.
Why learn about things when the modern Republican Party doesn’t require you to be anything more than a stupid fucking bigot?
In that case, Darline is ready on day one.
[videos via Acyn]
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I haven't heard such penetrating analysis of an issue from a South Carolinian since Caitlin Upton's Miss Teen USA geography knowledge question
<And then there was the extremely horrifying moment when moderator Greta Van Susteren (yeah, sure, why not) asked if Taiwan is an important national security interest of the United States and if so, why.>
"Anywhere in the world democratic governments face threats to their sovereignty from external forces is of utmost importance to the security of the United States. We will always go the diplomatic route and use peaceful means to resolve conflict but will be prepared to use more forceful tactics as a last resort. We never ever want to go that far but we will if we have to."
See? Easy. And I'm just some hick with a HS diploma.