Let’s start with the most upsetting news from last night’s primaries, which is that Madison Cawthorn lost his race. Did you know he was running for Congress in Florida because he moved there to run for Congress? And then he lost.
This was the seat Byron Donalds was giving up so he could run for governor, and as the Daily Beast explains, it was bonkers. There were two felons in the running in Florida’s 19th, and Donald Trump had pardoned both. There was a January 6-er underpants model. (One of the convicted pardoned felons, obviously.) “Among his backers are election denier Mike Lindell, Rep. Lauren Boebert and General Mike Flynn,” the Beast explains.
The other convicted felon was former Rep. Chris Collins, the insider trading guy from New York. Two convicted felons, two former congressmen, only one of whom started yelling about all the orgies he got invited to in Washington before he got kicked out the door. He left Congress in disgrace.
But he tried to come back, by moving to Florida! Just like all those other people did! And he lost.
Donald Trump endorsed somebody else who wasn’t even a convicted felon who screamed about orgies. Her name was Catalina Lauf, and she also lost. She had also run for Congress before, in Illinois. Instead, out of the 10 candidates running, the winner was a conservative radio station owner named Jim Schwartzel, we guess because Donald Trump’s endorsement isn’t worth shit anymore, especially now that all he really cares about is Natalie.
In fact, Trump endorsees losing was a running theme of last night.
Trump endorsed in the Wyoming governor’s race, her name was Megan Degenfelder, and she lost to somebody named Eric Barlow. NBC News notes that this is a bit of a pattern now in governor’s races, as previously “Trump’s preferred candidates also lost in Iowa, Georgia and Minnesota, and he issued a last-minute dual endorsement in South Carolina after the candidate he initially backed was headed for defeat.”
Then there was another congressional race in Florida where Trump’s pick lost, and that was creepy, scandal-ridden and under-multiple-investigations Rep. Cory Mills, who lost his primary in Florida’s 7th District to somebody else named Alex Elijah.
It’s just loser, loser, loser for Trump lately, as NBC News contextualizes:
Trump had a sterling 2026 House endorsement record entering August. But earlier this month, military veteran Amir Hassan lost the GOP primary in Michigan’s 8th District to a political unknown who had dropped out of the race weeks before, while Rep. Andy Ogles, who has faced a series of controversies, was defeated in Tennessee’s 5th District.
Will anybody even ask him who he prefers by the time the 2028 Republican primaries roll around? Probably not, if his old gross body has even made it that long.
Briefly some other results from last night!
In the upset of the night DEMOCRATIC SOCIALIST OOOOOH SCARY Angie Nixon beat Trump impeachment witness Alexander Vindman in the Florida Senate primary, who outraised her by a lot. She will go up against incumbent Republican Senator Ashley Moody.
David Jolly, a former Republican, won the Democratic primary for governor. (That’s two former Republicans in a row that Florida Democrats have run for governor, is that weird? That’s weird right?) He will go up against Byron Donalds.
Jared Moskowitz, one of the most conservative members of the Democratic delegation, who when he isn’t making zingers during congressional hearings was the first Democrat to eagerly join the DOGE caucus — yeah he sucks — won his race against democratic socialist Oliver Larkin by something like 30 points. He has responded to his win, of course, by gloating at Hasan Piker. Way to keep your eye on the ball, Jared.
Wait, we thought the DSA was an UNSTOPPABLE FORCE! and doing a TAKEOVER! If so how did David Jolly and Jared Moskowitz both win in the same state in the same night?
It is because pundits and DC journalists are assholes who are almost entirely creating this Democrats In Disarray narrative, because they don’t have any other marketable skills.
Debbie Wasserman Schultz also won her primary.
Good bullet points, us!
So all of that is very, um, Florida. And by the way, we just want to say right now that if you’re excited about Angie Nixon’s win, that is great, but Ashley Moody was going to win that race before last night and she still is. Larry Sabato’s Crystal Ball actually moved the race from “likely” to “safe” Republican last night. Florida is an extremely, extremely red state. Lots of other places that need your time and energy and money.
Here are some more off-the-radar wins, courtesy of wonderful poll analyzer “Taniel” (Daniel Nichanian) on Bluesky:
“M4L” is Moms For Liberty, in case you missed the lingo.
And that red PA house seat? As of this writing, the Democrat is ahead by 88 votes, and some are starting to call it. The AP might have done so by the time you read.
More color about that race, and the school board race above?
Know what else about that Pennsylvania state House district? That’s where Butler is.
Fun primaries, getting anxious for November to get the fuck here, how ‘bout y’all?
[NBC News]
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I think this is the funniest Trump cope of the night.
https://bsky.app/profile/ronfilipkowski.bsky.social/post/3mtffeo5hhk25
Dems flipping those school board chair seats in Florida is massive news. Florida may not have as much sway on the books as Texas or California, but they do still have a pretty heavy voice. Maybe they can slowly start to undo some of the damage over the last couple of decades and switch back to evidence based educational practices.