LIVE: The Honorable Marjorie Taylor Greene Hosts Excellent DOGE Sub-Committee Hearing For Intelligent, Not Crazy Humans!
Jasmine Crockett fucking save us.
Today the DOGE subcommittee in the House — yes, it’s a subcommittee, in the House! — will hold its first hearing. After Elon Musk’s performance in the White House yesterday where he babbled and lied and babbled and lied and claimed he had found fraud and waste that he hadn’t found (because he was lying) we are sure this will be a productive time for America.
Lawrence O’Donnell’s report on yesterday’s Oval Office meeting, where Elon, who like Trump is physically incapable of looking normal in a hat, brought his child in as a prop while he utterly dominated the nominal president.
So that happened. And this is happening.
Hey, did you know Marjorie Taylor Greene is the chair of this committee? Yes, because it’s very serious! That’s why we must cover this live, for America!
Anyway, Jasmine Crockett is on the committee too, and that’s the real reason we’re covering this live, because we want to watch Crockett hurt people.
Here is your video, below the jump is our liveblog!
10:03: You guys, MTG got to chair a subcommittee! We hope somebody is there taking pictures for her family and taking her to Chuck E. Cheese for a special treat afterward. Big day, big adult!
10:06: “Taxes are collected by law at gunpoint!” We feel like maybe MTG does her taxes wrong?
Anyway, this is an extended whine setting up how the American people are forced to pay for all the fake “fraud and abuse” that Elon and Trump are lying and saying they’re finding. As Lawrence pointed out above, if they had found some, it would be SOSOSOSOSOFUCKINGSOFUCKINGEASY to prove it. Instead they are just like “Well I FOUND a FRAUD AND ABUSE and it was to take GAY BONOBOS to DISNEY WORLD and they didn’t even get a THREE-DAY PASS! What a bunch of WASTEFUL WOKE WHORES!
Anyway, the ranking Democrat Melanie Stansbury is here to talk, she is like “Yes, let’s find some waste and fraud and abuse! OK!”
LOL.
10:11: Stansbury notes that it’s kind of weird be having this hearing while Donald Trump and Elon Musk are currently terrorizing and destroying the United States government and rifling through Americans’ personal information. Yeah that is kind of weird.
10:12: Also notes that it’s weird that we’re doing this “fraud and abuse” thing after Donald Trump Saturday Night Massacred all the inspectors general who investigate, you know, that.
Says it’s weird that the vice president is currently trying to rewrite the Constitution by tweet.
And that Elon Musk was blocked from appearing in front of this committee.
All these weird things!
10:14: OH LOOKIE HERE! JAMES COMER THE OVERSIGHT CHAIRMAN IS HERE! YOU RECKON HE GONNA TALK ABOUT HUNTER BIDEN’S PENIS?
WOOOO-EEEEEEEE LET’S DO HEE HAW DANCES!
Seriously, though, why is he here? Was Greene scared to do it by herself?
Just kidding, Gerry Connolly is here too, he’s the ranking member on Oversight (should have been Alexandria Ocasio-Cortez), and he’s talking.
10:19: Hahahaha, Greene is horrible at this. Connolly notes yet again that it’s kind of silly to be doing this after Trump just fired all the IGs. Greene is still being calm but she can’t hold herself back after he finishes from being like “The president has the authority to do whatever he wants! He is my lord and savior and king!” (Paraphrase.)
Anyway, Greene is introducing the witnesses she found in the phone book.
10:27: The first witness said a bunch of things about preventing fraud or whatever, it was boring, but I liked at the end when he said that the cartels and fraudsters were watching this hearing. Why? Because they think MTG is an idiot too and want to watch her trip on her face?
Now the next witness is about “welfare fraud,” you know, because that’s where Republicans have always thought all the fraud and abuse is, with those Richie Rich people on welfare, eating lobster bon-bons in Bali.
Any witness who is a “welfare fraud expert” needs to testify about who hurt them and what made them how they are.
10:33: The next witness is an FBI guy who hasn’t been fired by Trump, he is a Trump asslicker. He cannot believe people are against Elon Musk finding that we’re spending all our money on transgender comic books in Peru and Lunchables for Al Qaeda! These are the same made-up examples every asslicker cites when they are asked to show Elon’s work.
10:36: This loser jackoff wants to make all executive branch jobs at-will. Even more terrorizing of the civil service!
He is upset that the next president can make DOGE go away completely. Also the next president can make fun of DOGE in front of its mom and stuff it in lockers and then DOGE will cry. Says Congress needs to act to fix that.
10:39: The final witness, from POGO (a real organization), seems to be the Democrats’ witness. He is noting non-insane things like, hey, sometimes improper payments are not because a Bad Improper Payments Man starts cackling before he starts his day of Bad Improper Payments.
Says inspectors general and whistleblowers are amazing resources for the American taxpayer.
Says if you want to root out waste, fraud and abuse, you probably shouldn’t fire IGs in midnight purges.
This witness is the one who is there to help Democrats say “You want to fix things? Sure, let’s fix things! Oh wait, you don’t want to fix things and just want to give President Musk reacharounds? Got it.”
10:44: MTG recognizes herself to ask questions, because grownup committee chairs get to do this! They hold this gavel and they are in charge!
10:46: Marjorie Taylor Greene ‘bout ta discover that welfare is usually given to people WHO DON’T EXIST! This is an important discovery, by Marjorie Taylor Greene.
10:50: Democratic Rep. Stephen Lynch says if we are going after waste, fraud and abuse maybe we should go after abuse of POWER, by the two billionaire freaks currently looting and destroying the government.
11:00: Marjorie Taylor Greene is very good at saying “The gentleman’s time is expired.”
Democrat Robert Garcia starts by saying we shouldn’t be working with people (House Republicans) trying to eliminate the Department of Education.
Says it’s weird that MTG is chairing this committee since she showed a dick pic in a congressional hearing last year. (SHE DID.)
Says he’s got his own dick pic to show:
So now this hearing is cooking with gas!
Garcia ends by pointing out that the Elon Musk lackey who’s trying to rob you is probably “A MINORRRRRRRR.”
Republican Rep. Scott Timmons, some knob, is upset that the Democrats won’t take Marjorie Taylor Greene’s serious committee or serious Donald Trump or serious Elon Musk seriously.
11:07: It’s unforgivable! Unforgivable! That Democrats are filing all these lawsuits to stop these two white supremacist terrorists from leveling the United States government and looting it for parts. Unforgivable!
This Scott Timmons boy is a pissy little twit, should shut it.
11:09: Democratic Rep. Greg Casar is helping the witnesses answer questions about all the inspectors general the “Trump-Musk administration” has fired, how many of them were investigating Elon Musk and his companies (five). This New York Times article is a really good look at how efficiently Musk is looting the government for his own purposes.
11:12: Casar doing a great job explaining how ridiculous it is to go after your Nana’s Social Security and your kids’ education and cancer research, instead of finding waste where it is, which is inside Elon Musk’s butt.
11:14: “The American people are $36 trillion in debt. Somebody should be fired.” (Paraphrase of absolutely meaningless statement by Marjorie Taylor Greene.
Now bugfuck lunatic Tim Burchett is saying oh boy the gravy train is about to run out! Oh boy! THAR GOES THE GRAVY TRAIN! THAR IT GOES! THE GRAVY TRAIN! BOUT TA RUN OUT! THAR GOES!
11:17: Jasmine Crockett is coming up soon, BRB getting coffee.
11:19: Crockett notes that in the PREVIOUS Congress, in the committee that already existed to deal with this kind of waste, fraud and abuse, Marjorie Taylor Greene missed every hearing about that!
Crockett says it was weird to see President Musk in the Oval Office talking more than Donald Trump yesterday, and he isn’t even here this morning for this. (It was weird, Musk really put Trump in his subservient beta male place.)
11:26: Some smelly dildo from Missouri Eric Burlison is demonstrating how a person licks Elon’s boots the way he likes it. “It’s ridiculous that we would demonize someone who loves this country so much!”
Why are Democrats attacking him just because he’s rich! Waaaaaaaaaaah!
He better stop crying, he’s gonna miss a spot on Elon’s ass.
11:35: Some pus-filled sac from Georgia is whining that Democrats are talking more about Elon Musk than they are talking about waste, waaaaaaaaaaah!
11:38: This Republican obsession with moving agencies out of DC is so weird. The FBI bootlicker witness is talking about how it would be a better quality of life for employees if, say, the FBI were moved to Huntsville, Alabama, which is one of the things the Nazis are all babbling about these days.
Y’all, Huntsville isn’t very exciting. It’s a basic southern town, it’s near some cool stuff, but to assert that professionals with educations would be happier there than they would be in a bustling city like DC, it’s just … it tells you a lot about what boring people they are.
Guess fascists never really have been known for being cultured.
Anyway, committee ranking Democrat Melanie Stansbury is going off about all the incels Trump’s boss Elon Musk and what they are doing to rewrite code and put the American people in danger.
11:46: The kick-me sign from Missouri just entered the Constitution into the record, because we guess he didn’t realize it was already there.
Now we have this piece of shit Brendan Gill from Texas.
Wanna know about that bucket of piss?
He recently said Ilhan Omar should be deported back to Somalia. This is what she said in reply:
“How stupid you have to be to be a member of Congress and think your colleague who is a member of Congress can be deported,” she said. “What a dumbass. I’m not a nepo baby. I had to crawl my way into Congress, and I think these idiots who buy their seats have no idea what a privilege it is to be a member of Congress and what it takes.”
And that is all you need to know about Brendan Gill, an otherwise irrelevant waste of good space.
11:50: LOL, Brendan Gill talks like Ben Shapiro doing a funny impression of Ben Shapiro.
11:51: Stansbury gonna finish this up.
Says 1, Trump did not win on a mandate to let Elon Musk skullfuck the government. 2, the New York Times says inflation is up unexpectedly right now, did Trump forget to fix that? 3, Elon Musk is breaking the fucking law, 4, Elon come testify, you coward loser.
Greene finishing up, because she is the real chairman of a real subcommittee. Hey, everybody in MTG’s life who thought she was going to amount to nothing, which was probably most of you! Look at her now! She said “The gentleman’s time has expired” like five times! She is going to do gavels in a minute, like a real person!
Please address Marjorie Taylor Greene in the future as Serious Congressperson Greene, it is illegal to do otherwise.
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Fuck whatever else that dumbass yap clown says, we’re done.
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Harry: What is all this I hear about Doge? First off you spelled Doggie wrong and secondly they are getting into things they shouldn’t be in and breaking things because that is what Doggies do! Should have got a cat. https://substack.com/@ziggywiggy/note/c-92974589?utm_source=notes-share-action&r=2knfuc
From the people who brought you "do your own research" and "the government is backed by one specific billionaire we hate" comes "trust this one specific billionaire when he tells you things because he runs the government."