Losing Loser Andrew Cuomo Having Manly Meltdown About Zohran Mamdani
IT IS I, SON OF MARIO!
When we last checked in with former New York governor/bully/sex pest/independent candidate for New York City mayor Andrew Cuomo, he was trying to distance himself from a report from the New York Times that he had been having affectionate phone chitchats with president of the USA/bully/sex pest Donald Trump.
And Cuomo had been telling city business leaders that he and Trump would have a swell relationship: “I think he wants to be accepted by New York City, and I think there’s an opportunity there. I know, personally, he doesn’t want to fight with me. Personally, I don’t want to fight with him, right? So I don’t think he’s going to be eager to create a conflict with us.”
So much for being Trump’s worst nightmare!
The campaign of his opponent, Zohran Mamdani, came out swinging:
Andrew Cuomo isn’t just working with Donald Trump — he’s becoming him. Ranting to reporters, firing off unhinged social media posts, lodging personal attacks — all to avoid talking about the corruption, sexual harassment, and abuse of power that drove him from office. The only thing missing is a red hat.
Yowza! The two old perverts from Queens publicly deny being friends, of course, but the heady stank of Trump’s cheese touch lingers in New York City, where he is well-known and hated as a preening, frauding, six-times-bankrupt conman, and Kamala Harris got nearly 80 percent of the vote. And Cuomo is fanning voters hard with angry dramatics to blow away the stench.
Cuomo’s line of attack on Thursday: that Zohran Mamdani is TOO TIRED TO BE MAYOR. Yes, 67-year-old Cuomo (or whoever is running his social media accounts) invited the reader to compare Cuomo’s leather-handbag liveliness and his formaldehyde pallor with that of Mamdani, a much more handsome man who is 33.
That man looks like he could walk the entire length of Manhattan! And so he has.
But quit paying attention to that TikTok star, everybody, because Cuomo is ready for his closeup! He posted a video with one of his hangers-on burbling, “When you shoot your movie, is it gonna be Pacino or De Niro?”
Just what’s on voters’ minds, and a relatable conversation that will surely connect with the youths! What will it be called? Raging Narcissist? Dirty Grandpa II? The War With Grandpa: Covid Nursing Home?
Then Cuomo shit-talked Chicago:
Chicago is proof that incompetent leadership can turn a deep-dish city into a half-baked mess
From long before we built the Erie Canal to compete with Chicago, New York has always been about making things happen
I believe in government that works. I have done it time and time again for the people of New York. Let’s do it again.
And the socials yawned. Cuomo is really not good at capturing the likes.
But THEN! On Friday, Cuomo found a new line that got him some attention, at least with the X trollbots: Mamdani is very rich, because he and his wife make a princely $200,000 a year, and also a hypocrite because he pays $2,300 a month for an apartment instead of letting a homeless mother move in.
First of all, that is a rent-stabilized, not rent-controlled apartment. Mamdani did not move in before 1971 on account of not having been born yet, and one would hope that a would-be mayor of New York would know the difference. Especially because, as Governor, CUOMO HIMSELF was the one who signed the 2019 law that the Mamdanis are benefitting from, which took away landlords’ ability to remove a property’s rent-stabilization status if the tenant earned more than $200,000 in two consecutive years.
AND NOW, as of Sunday, Cuomo is pitching a NEW law, “Zohran’s Law,” to do just that. Trying to use the law to antagonize political rivals? Doesn’t get much more Trumpy than that.
Second, while $2,300 is “cheap,” the Mamdanis’ income makes them middle class in New York City, and you’d still need to make more than three times minimum wage for Cuomo’s definition of “cheap” to also be affordable there, where rents are among the highest on Earth.
And it is all EXTRA RICH coming from that fuckface, who is worth more than $10 million, and who also moved out of the city in 1990 and only moved back last September. Cuomo is now paying $8,242 for two bedrooms in Sutton Place, so why doesn’t he move somewhere else and subsidize this imaginary homeless mother in his apartment?
Because the solution is to work toward more affordable housing, and provide support to the unhoused. The opposite of what Cuomo did as governor! Instead he fought pro-tenant laws, and oversaw the elimination of a housing voucher program, which led to a 35 percent increase in need for homeless services. So, fuck him.
Meanwhile, Everyman Cuomo has been spending his energy in the Hamptons, with a fundraising appearance, and a PAC supporting him has been working to convince Hamptons residents to change their voter registrations to an address at one of their other houses in the five boroughs, but only if they legitimately have an extra home there, of course!
Cuomo is also a nepo baby, which he reminded everyone after his real estate GOTCHA saw him dragged all over the Internet. It’s-a him, Mario’s son!
Ooh, what a tough guy!
Princess Vespa energy!
Tough talk for a guy who doesn’t look flexible enough to bend over to pick up a pencil. And is it really a selling point that the Cuomo genes have had a paw in New York government since 1974, up until Andrew couldn’t quit groping women?
Look how much better a job Governor Kathy Hochul is doing at Cuomo’s former job, too, in just about whatever category you can think of, and especially when it comes to calling out Republican fascism. Cuomo is mighty quiet about all that, or decrying anything Trump or Republicans are doing, for that matter.
As it turns out, being a negative, sneering, Trump-hugging weenus doesn’t seem to be winning the hearts and minds of people of New York City. Cuomo already lost the fucking Democratic primary, after all. And Mamdani is ahead of him in the polls by double digits.
But maybe Cuomo will find some kind of a dig that will stick?
Better luck next time!
Bye!
"67-year-old Cuomo (or whoever is running his social media accounts) invited the reader to compare Cuomo’s leather-handbag liveliness and his formaldehyde pallor with that of Mamdani, a much more handsome man who is 33"
UM...he looks focused, not exhausted.
As someone on Bluesky speculated--are we sure the person who is running Cuomo's social media accounts isn't voting for Mamdani?
Obviously, Cuomo thinks he can make it on looks alone.