MAGA Alpha Males Get MAGA Alpha Asses Beat
Andrew Tate and Jake Paul had rough ones this weekend.
It is no secret that Donald John Trump is a big fan of watching men wail on each other. He wants to celebrate the country’s 250th birthday with youth Hunger Games and UFC fighting on the White House lawn. So it is with great satisfaction we report that two of his favored alpha-male wallopers, Andrew Tate and Jake Paul, got their asses handed to them in fights this weekend. And in Paul’s case, also several of his teeth and his jaw! Maybe all the ball-tanning sessions and Daily Wire sperm-boosting vitamins made the blood rush out of their arms.
Anyway, on Saturday in Dubai, Andrew Tate got beat by one Chase DeMoor. In pink boxing gloves and a MAN BUN, no less!
DeMoor is a former influencer and star on a show called Too Hot To Handle, a Netflix British reality competition for people trying to edge their boners. (Those Brits!) And he is not generally known as a great fighter. Hey, neither are we. Props to anyone who can even hold their arms up that long.
But clearly he’s improved! DeMoor walked out to “All I Want For Christmas Is You” to throaty boos from Tate fans, and then proceeded to rock that creep out of his stockings.
Full match:
Or just the best highlight!
Say it three times fast: PETITE BALD BETA BITCH LADY BEATER BEATEN, BABY!
(It’s OK to cheer about it, it’s sports!)
Meanwhile, in the UK, prime minister Keir Starmer is under increasing pressure to try to bring Andrew and his brother Tristan back to face 21 charges, including rape, assault, human trafficking, and controlling prostitution. Civil actions from four accusers await him as well. British police have a European arrest warrant for Andrew and his brother, and have seized $3.4 million of their money, but have agreed to let separate court proceedings in Romania for rape and human trafficking be completed first. But those two now strutting around the world consequence-free is a bad look.
The brothers are supposed to be under “house arrest” in Romania. But soon after Trump got elected, they got allowed to travel, somehow. And they did, arriving in Florida in February, where their electronics were immediately seized. But after intervention from Paul Ingrassia, DHS liaison at the Trump White House and huge fan (of the Tate brothers AND the Nazis!) they got their devices back. Now here Andrew is, in Dubai sporting a shiny sleeveless jacket with TOP G festooned on it.
So anyway, boxing! Here is a quick explainer: each round is scored by three judges (five at the Olympic level), on a scale of one to 10. Points are awarded for clean and effective punches that land and control of the ring, and points taken off for a knockdown or standing count. A TKO, technical knockout — up but unable to go on — or KO, down for the count, is a 10. And either opponent can stop the match at any time, and a doctor or referee is obliged to stop it if a fighter is in danger of serious harm. But in spite of precautions, serious injuries and even deaths do happen. A lot! About 100 since 2000.
Still a good confidence-boosting workout though.
In the end, Tate did stay on his feet, though bloodied up like a tampon, and DeMoor won with a majority decision.
Which brings us to Jake Paul and the missing teeth and broken jaw he got on Friday night in Miami, courtesy of one Anthony Joshua, 2012 Olympic heavyweight champion for Great Britain, and Black man!
In case Jake Paul is not on your radar, lucky you, he is MAGA (even though he lives in Puerto Rico), and a crypto-shiller, and just generally a douche, along with his YouTuber brother, Logan Paul. Last year he participated in that much-hyped fight with Mike Tyson that gave off Jim Jeffries vs. Jack Johnson “Great White Hope rematch” kinds of vibes.
And ugh, Paul’s entrance “walk” for that. Boxers are supposed to be arrogant, and show-people, sure, and he’s just … douchey.
His white-man victory over Tyson was just embarrassing. Mike Tyson was 58 years old, and Paul was 27. And still a lot of people said it looked fixed and like Tyson held back.
But this time, Anthony Joshua did not hold back. Finally, the punch we have been waiting a year to see, and he smiled while he gave it.
Joshua’s also got 27 pounds and a few inches on Paul. But Paul did sign up for this. Shoulda pumped more Muscle Milk and iron!
The highlights:
Shorter version, Joshua literally brings him to his knees! Again! And again! Again! Then he’s on the ropes! Paul doesn’t seem to dominate the ring ever. And then did a gross thing with his tongue. That was a BAD IDEA. A slack jaw is a breakable jaw! And so soon it was.
Socks, rocked. It’s a tough sport!
Hey, whatever happened to that Elon Musk and Mark Zuckerberg match? Guess it’s not going to happen. Oh well. Why not go find a local (sanctioned) bout and check it out with some friends? Boxing may be brutal, but it is never dull, unlike, say, American football, zzz!
OPEN THREAD!
[The Independent / Geezers Boxing / news report video credit: WBFF]
Thank you for being Wonkette’s friend! We have no paywall ever, and no ads, because we’re brought to you by people like you! The button below will let you donate one time or monthly, in any amount of your choosing.
Works out kinda different for Tate when it's not women he's beating up.
I think I've watched JP get his jaw broken about 20 times today.
Thems some damn good endorphins.