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MAGA Idiots Trying So Hard To Convince Us Jamaal Bowman's Fire Alarm Is More January 6 Than January 6
Also being super white supremacist about it, SURPRISE.
By now you may have heard the story. This weekend, Democratic Rep. Jamaal Bowman accidentally triggered a fire alarm in the Cannon building, next to the Capitol, where his office is, during a government funding vote. He says it was an accident, and that usually an alarm doesn’t go off when you exit through that door. Occam’s Razor agrees, since there’s no discernible purpose to triggering a fire alarm in the building next door during a vote. There’s no logical Democratic end goal to suggest it was a stunt, even one that landed extremely poorly. (Also if you look at a picture of where he did it, it was one of those exit doors where if you misread it you might think it’s not going to trigger the alarm, but oops, it did. The messages on that door are weird.)
This has set off a sustained fake conniption among right-wingers, just really inspired performances from them all. They want to distract from what an embarrassing debacle Speaker Kevin McCarthy created for himself with this government funding own goal, what a historically pathetic leader he is. Plus, they are always on a mission to pretend the January 6 terrorist attacks committed by average Republican Trump voters were no big deal, so they have decided to also call Bowman’s goof an “insurrection.”
McCarthy, always eager to show Eric Swalwell is right about him, is vowing to punish Bowman. Democratic leader Hakeem Jeffries would, on the other hand, prefer to see video of the incident before he blows his load like a common Kevin.
It’s not worth giving a lot of airspace to the planned histrionics from bleating MAGA goats, but this segment from Fox News is a good example of the genre. It’s host Rachel Campos-Duffy, sitting between two of the interchangeable, extraneous white men, and she just hit all the talking points she was supposed to say. It’s like she practiced.
“By the way, he is a former principal, so they know a lot about fire alarms, cause they do this stuff all the time.
Known Door Expert Jamaal Bowman knows doors because he was a principal, because all doors at all schools are the same. Who among us has ever confronted a weird fire alarm door and read it wrong and then an alarm goes off and you’re like “oh shit!” (Raises hand.)
“You can’t make this stuff up.”
Oh, but you are, Blanche.
“You know. And so he says he didn’t know. Look, why he would do this and think he could get away with it tells you he feels like he’s part of a protected class.”
Oh, is this going to go in that direction?
“Yeah he is above the law. He is the right party, the right race —”
Ayup, the white Fox News idiot told the decomposing sacks of racist garbage who watch Fox News on the weekend that Jamaal Bowman is getting away with it because he’s Black.
Don’t pretend you are shocked it advanced to pigfucking racism that quickly.
“And I believe the Republicans, by the way, should absolutely throw the book at him. Why? Because he disrupted a proceeding and there are Republican voters sitting in jail in D.C. right now for having done that.”
They are in prison for attacking the United States Capitol with weapons and killing and injuring police officers in an effort to overthrow a free and fair election where the other guy beat the absolute holy shit out of their preferred white nationalist candidate.
In other words, go fuck yourself, Rachel Campos-Duffy.
If you watch the full clip, it begins with the greasy one to Campos-Duffy’s left, Pete Hegseth — the one who always looks like he literally just left an orgy at Pepé Le Pew’s house and then they got matching hairstyles afterward — trying his damnedest to sell a version of the story that makes sense, to present a motive for Bowman’s nefarious alarm-triggering that makes sense. Then Campos-Duffy chimes in to say he’ll get away with it because Black people get special treatment.
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Congress got the government funded this weekend, temporarily and barely, but it was a humiliating embarrassment for Kevin McCarthy and his Republicans, who got exactly nothing they wanted out of it.
Media Matters has a nice roundup of the performances from MAGA mouthbreathers, dutifully distracting from all the Republican humiliations by advancing this story about Jamaal Bowman, Insurrectionist Of Doors At The Building Next To The Capitol Where The Vote Wasn’t Even Happening.
Noted Republican leader “Catturd2” bitched and whined that Bowman should be “held without bond for 3 years with no trial then given 22 years in prison — also, every person involved in the coverup story should get RICO charges, hauled into jail, and be given a mugshot.” LMAO.
Donald Trump Jr. really should cry more:
Right fucking now! says Junior. Y’all stop laughing, he is trying to be a tough guy.
Also he is trying to distract attention from the terrorist attack against the United States his father (who doesn’t love him) incited. The one his father reportedly cheered on from the White House, even going so far as to join in with the “Hang Mike Pence” chants, like a toddler watching Dora. (And if you think Junior’s being melodramatic right now, you should definitely check out his dad’s reaction.)
If we said we were surprised by these performances from MAGA dipshits, we’d be lying. This is what their movement is. They’re not serious people with serious lives and serious policy goals.
It is Putin-esque, though, as so many things Republicans do these days are. As we’ve been hammering recently, it’s not that these human urinal cakes don’t know what an insurrection is, or that they really believe Jamaal Bowman committed an act of insurrection. It’s that if everything is an insurrection, then nothing is. (They also referred to a recent peaceful protest in McCarthy’s office to keep PEPFAR funding going an insurrection.)
If all presidents are impeached, then impeachment is meaningless.
If Russia is a corrupt authoritarian state, so is Ukraine, and also everybody else.
If everybody gets accused of sexual assault, then it’s just a political tactic, and we can pretend Brett Kavanaugh’s accusers weren’t credible.
And so forth.
But sure, Republicans, Jamaal Bowman did Fire Alarm Seditions And Insurrections. Sure thing.
Get fucked, losers.
Here’s a good clip of MSNBC’s Mehdi Hasan and Ayman Mohyeldin LOL-ing at how hard Republicans are trying with this:
Evan Hurst on Twitter right here.
@evanjosephhurst on Threads!
I have profiles those other places but I think I forgot how to log on.