There are so few things we can really count on these days, but one thing that never fails to rear its ugly head is the yearly tradition of wingnuts freaking out over the Super Bowl halftime show and claiming it’s some kind of Satanic Illuminati ritual.
From what I can tell, this tradition appears to date back to one of their very few culture war “wins,” AKA the time they successfully chased Janet Jackson out of the public eye after a wardrobe malfunction revealed, uh, what was not actually her nipple, but rather a sun-shaped metal plate covering her nipple. They’ve been chasing that dragon ever since, hoping to once again feel the power that led to Jackson (but not Justin Timberlake, who was the one who actually pulled her top off) being disinvited from the Grammys.
Kendrick Lamar has won 22 Grammys and an actual Pulitzer prize for his 2017 album DAMN. He has been around for years and is not just revered in musical circles but in academic ones as well. His performance included an appearance from Samuel L. Jackson (as Uncle Sam) and a duet with SZA on "Luther" and "All the Stars." While performing his anti-Drake diss track “Not Like Us” (which featured a a crip-walking Serena Williams, Drake’s ex-girlfriend), he stared directly at the camera while saying “Hey Drake, I hear you like them young.”
The whole thing was utterly iconic, but, as usual, most of the Right was very, very unhappy about it. They wanted more white people, dammit! They wanted music they could sing along with! Like Journey! Why don’t the people who run the Super Bowl understand that what football fans in the year of 2025 want is to scream-sing along with “Don’t Stop Believin’?”
Did they even consider asking Pat Boone?
This year was somewhat different, however, to the point where there was some serious dissension in the ranks about whether Grammy and Pulitzer-prize-winner Kendrick Lamar’s performance even was a Satanic Illuminati ritual or not.
On the one side, you had the Benny Johnsons out here complaining that not only was it an evil Satanic ritual, but that said evil Satanic ritual left Republicans out entirely.
And where was Pat Boone!
Then there were those who actually decided that his performance was proof that “patriots are in control” (a QAnon saying), because of all the red, white and blue and the fact that Kendrick’s song “Not Like Us” called Drake out for going after underage girls.
Of course, doing a song about how it’s bad for adult men to prey on underage girls did not go over too well with folks like Matt Gaetz and Ted Nugent. Wonder why!
Perhaps next year they can invite Nugent to come up and perform “Jailbait,” his classic ode to creeping on 13-year-old girls.
You may be wondering, now, “Well, what do they even want? What would they consider acceptable music for a Super Bowl halftime show?”
And the answer really is exactly what you would think.
Yes. Creed. Who, by the way, never actually performed at a Super Bowl halftime show. (This, apparently, was from a Thanksgiving halftime show). Those of us who have always wondered who the hell it was that was into Creed now have an answer — the worst people imaginable.
Though, to be fair, they also like the Biebs and would like him to force God “down our throats.”
And, of course, The Village People. As long as they can pretend their songs are definitely not by or about gay people.
Let us take a moment and thank goodness that, even though these people have won an election, they will never be the cultural tastemakers they so desperately long to be.
PREVIOUSLY ON WONKETTE!
It’s Monday so time for a Bear pic. He may have gone over the Rainbow Bridge one month ago but his spirit lives on.
https://substack.com/@ziggywiggy/note/c-92504668?utm_source=notes-share-action&r=2knfuc
Ban the penny and get Nickelback?