MAGA Tears Contest Winner: ‘I Hate That Beret Of Yours And All Your F*cking Cats!’
And more of the most fun reax to last night's democracy!
How are we all doing? Still basking in the first good news that’s come to America since last November? Good, let’s take a bit longer to do that and then continue the fight tomorrow, because for our money, that’s the lesson of yesterday: The people who won were fighters. It didn’t matter if they were all the way to the left (or whatever that is in the US) or more traditional liberal. It mattered that they were ready on day one to be motherfuckers.
Also it turns out that when Americans really show up to the polls, they aren’t interested in people’s gross attacks on trans kids. Who knew! (Decent people, decent people knew.)
To mark the occasion, let’s bask in some delicious MAGA tears.
There was OF COURSE Donald Trump:
Huh, we thought he hated the fake pollsters. Guess they’re OK when it’s the pollsters he hallucinates.
And there was OF COURSE the New York Post’s cover, which wasn’t melodramatic at all:
And there was OF COURSE Texas Republican Governor Greg Abbott, who yesterday threatened to put a “tariff” on anybody who moves from New York to Texas in response to this. How does one “tariff” a person? We do not know. Anyway, he is doing a moment of silence and thoughts and prayers for a city that doesn’t give a solid shit what he thinks.
Poor former Trump ambassador Gordon Sondland, you remember that dipshit from Trump’s Ukraine impeachment? Well, Gordon Sondland compared Mamdani to Hitler, bless his heart. “Hitler was good at voter turnout too,” he exclaimed, like an idiot. (Trump is the one who is like Hitler, but he is way stupider.)
Errrr, what was New York mayoral race loser Curtis Sliwa saying here last night?
Not sure, but we know what recently jailbroken George Santos was saying TO Curtis Sliwa:
“Fuck you Curtis Sliwa I HATE YOU, your dumb wife, that stupid Beret of yours and all your fucking cats!”
What on earth did the cats do? Drama queen.
On Fox News, Martha MacCallum finds it “frightening” that all these young women are voting for Democrats and leftists. “We were raised in a generation of you can do anything. You can achieve whatever you want to. You can carve your way in the world. You can be the person who puts food on the table.”
And you do this? Fox News is appalled at all you women!
Sean Hannity whined that his New York friends are “officially depressed and scared.” Of what? They do not know. “If you would’ve told me 24 years after 9/11 that somebody that was that radicalized would win this dramatically, I wouldn’t have believed it.” Oh get a grip. These people are absolutely unable to process the idea of progressive Muslims, and you know why? Because they’re bigots.
Here are two that people can’t stop laughing at.
OK that one’s pretty good, but this one? Perfect.
It’s that last line about the Starbucks closing that gets us.
Riley Gaines was retweeting a lot of upsetness from back there in the fifth place swimming lane of life. For instance, she retweeted Daily Wire idiot Michael Knowles not understanding who New Yorkers are (we guess only the white racists count for him), and Jack Posobiec bemoaning all the “e-drama and cancelation efforts” among the MAGA Right. There also was Matt Walsh whining about conservatives “arguing with each other” — guess this is all about their fight over whether Hitler was a great guy or not? — while Virginia went ahead and elected the guy who sent the admittedly shitty and gross texts, because voters hate Donald Trump and MAGA that much.
All that matters is that Riley Gaines had a garbage night.
Here is Megyn Kelly bellyaching that none of the Republicans’ candidates were hot and cool and likable like Donald Trump, and seeing the writing on the wall that comes with Trump not being on the ballot again, at least not if they don’t make it to full fascism before 2028:
“Republicans, get off your fucking couches. Alright, that’s four in ten minutes, I’m sorry. But get off, get your fat ass off of the couches and get out there, work on candidate quality. I’m sorry, but Winsome Sears was never going to be able to do it. She hated Trump. She blew it. She campaigned against Trump. She was very anti-Trump. The Virginia coalition that did get off of its couch in 2024 — they didn’t put Trump over the edge, but it was tighter — loves Trump. Republicans can’t win without big daddy? Well, guess what? Then you’re going to lose forever because he can’t run again.”
Haha OK.
We always say this, but we certainly hope the message has been received by Americans this time that the work is only just beginning to take the country back. We have an incredibly long fight ahead of us to try to undo the destruction Donald Trump and his administration have caused, and will continue to cause.
But last night was a start.
There are so many more of us than there are of them. We just have to get off our own fucking couches and show it, every election, and also between elections.
We can use these MAGA tears as sustenance!
OPEN THREAD.
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All my fucking cats hate George Santos, but they also hate Curtis Sliwa, so..?
*shrug emoji, but with a cat*