652 Comments
User's avatar
Whale Chowder's avatar

All this time and no one made a hentai joke? It's like I don't even know you people.

Babe Paley's avatar

Jellyfish is VERY sweet, Martini!

Ever since I got stung by a Portuguese Man O' War I've been leery or the sea blob cohort, but this one is adorable.

Menotsure's avatar

I now see SpongeBob in a whole new light.

Corvid Opera's avatar

Super cute; love it! I think that jelly is using the Mocca-mer-ster coffee maker, which is perfectly suited for undersea caffeination.

Crip Dyke's avatar

even though it was not this, your gif today made me think of an octopus squirting away and leaving ink behind which resolves into words instead of a cloud. Obviously the first word that occurred to me was "TABS!" but immediately after that it occurred to me that I don't know the octopus alphabet and maybe when they jet off some of those octopoids are breaking up with their sex partner octopoids and using their ink to spell out, "So long, SUCKERS." Which would be a jokey pun, right? Is "suckers" maybe a nickname that certain octopuses give to each other? I have to admit I am not sure, but if I ever have sex with an octopus and then break up with her, I am definitely saying, "So long, SUCKERS," because that is the most mature way to break up with your octopus one month stand with which I am familiar.

The G-7 Experience's avatar

Sounds like 'Arrival'

marxalot's avatar

Hangon, I gotta look this up in my Cephalopodia

glenglish's avatar

I believe Octopish is in the Snailese language system. BTW if she's really slow, watch out, she may slug you.

+

Crip Dyke's avatar

You know that my entire internet presence is for the purpose of entertaining you, right? So while right now I am pumping my fist yelling, "Achievement Unlocked!" I am already craftily planning what I can write in my next comment that will earn a smile from the inestimable Martini Glambassador.

Maryland Bear's avatar

My parents told me that if I plagiarized myself too often, I'd go blind.

Maryland Bear's avatar

Joke I told during a D&D game once: if a paladin uses Lay on Hands on himself too many times, will he eventually need a Cure Blindness spell?

Linda1961 is woke and proud's avatar

You plagiarized yourself? You monster!

Land Shark 🇺🇦 🏳️‍⚧️'s avatar

"I plagiarized myself" Are you a republican?

Monsieur Grumpe's avatar

Jellyfish seem so laidback. They just go with the flow.

Shocktreatment's avatar

"Caffeinated Jelly Fish" sounds like an entree at a gastro pub far ahead of its time...

And I think that the bible tells me all I need to know about self-plagiary...

RefillingThorsBeer's avatar

Jellyfish coffee is AWESOME!!!!!!!!!!!!!

RefillingThorsBeer's avatar

damn shame you didn't come up with the concept a few decades ago.... and maybe a sponge instead of a jellyfish... :)

tehbaddr's avatar

Coelenterata!

Bobathonic, Dingus Crusher's avatar

Nice. Brownian motion, named for the brown of the coffee.

Snarfyguy's avatar

Luv the jellyfish getting coffee.

If I, as a human, wanted to drink coffee underwater, I might use a straw and have it out of some type of container rather than a cup, but I applaud that guy's inquisitive spirit.

Smibo's avatar

Found among the comments at the WaPo gift link (Thanks, 'trix!):

"The guy they claim to “kneal (sic) before” actually said in their book “feed my sheep.” You couldn’t find two actual followers of Christ to rub together in the Gang of Psychos." - Sick_of_phants, 1/11/2024

Bravo, Sick_of_phants, Bravo!

BlueSpot's avatar

Oklahoma opted out of the summer food program for kids because Governor Stitt didn't understand the program.

Fucking Republicans, how stupid do you think citizens are?

If you don't understand the program, then call the Department of Agriculture and they can explain it to you.

Bosco's avatar

I wish Anna Kasparian was running for president.

Sarah Smile's avatar

King Arthur is my standard flour, and their focaccia recipe helped me get over my weird fear of baking with yeast. I still recommend it to people just starting out with baking bread, because it's a good baby step between using chemical rising agents and making more complicated yeasted breads (no kneading, let it rise in the same pan you'll bake it in, etc.).

Mark Linimon's avatar

Re: the guy that does not understand the Streisand Effect: "public disclosure of private facts" oh why should I bother making the joke, it's so obvious.

(((What Fresh Hell Is This)))'s avatar

Every time you use stuff from Penzeys and King Arthur Flour, a RWNJ's head explodes.

Astinfert's avatar

Are there some cheaper generic brands that will also make their heads explode? If not, I guess it's worth the extra cost.

(((What Fresh Hell Is This)))'s avatar

I wish!

Penzeys prices aren't too outrageous, but their shipping charges are insane. I could drive up to Wisconsin for less!

Eva, Iron Goddess of Mercy's avatar

Regarding the King Arthur Flour story: OH FOR FUCK'S FUCKING SAKE.

Babe Paley's avatar

It started snowing here lightly at 7...very light. Nothing here was delayed or cancelled.

Two hours later HUGE flakes and HEAVY snow...I don't know what they're going to do--nobody should be out in this, but the kids are all at school and folks are all at work, but it looks really bad.

I REALLY hope it lets up sometime, because it's my night for dinner (and also we're low on alcohol).

ZorPern's avatar

Why? Why do you keep being low on alcohol? Damn, woman!

The G-7 Experience's avatar

"Helping build joyful, equitable communities that celebrate diversity is an important part of who we are as a company,” the email states, later adding: “We love baking with anyone and everyone. Our simple expectation is that everyone show respect for one another.”

How DARE they! /s

Nancy Naive's avatar

If Nancy Mace really wanted Hunter “arrested immediately”, there was always the House Seagent at Arms… if she had the stones.

Vermicious Kid, RN's avatar

I knew this King Arthur flap was coming when they changed their logo from a crusader to a cute lil stalk of wheat. Some commenter griped ‘the new logo is insipid.’ Ma’am, this is a bakery, I’m not sure why A WHEAT is an insipid logo

Napoleon's avatar

If they had still had an actual dude on a horse that would be one thing. But I don't care about a drawing.

Maureen's avatar

King Arthur be good shit.

cmd Human Scum's avatar

I like King Arthur’s flour for its quality. Did not realize it was worker owned.

Napoleon's avatar

Also excellent resource for baking recipes. Their tangzhong cinnamon took recipe is my go to now.

cmd Human Scum's avatar

Every time I see Bill Ackman’s name I think of Bill the Cat from Bloom County going “Ack, ack.”

Satanic Pancake's avatar

Jesus, that guy . . . so he's claiming, among other things, lost earnings? Was he charging for the opportunity to date him deep and hard? Surely there must be an easier way for him to announce that he is an untrustworthy, unlovable and incapable of loving narcissistic piece of shit.

ManchuCandidate's avatar

I thought being clingy and psycho was a surefire way to getting laid. Stupid me.