Marco Rubio Went To Canada. Unfortunately, Canada Sent Him Back.
Our lil' secretary of State is trying so hard at his big-boy job.
Secretary of State and saddest-looking guy at every one of his high school reunions Marco Rubio went to Canada this past week, which these days counts as bravery for any member of the Trump administration.
Rubio was visiting our northern neighbor for the annual conference of G-7 nations, which we imagine was extra-fun this year, considering how badly our convicted felon of a president has wrecked America’s relationship with the other six in less than two months. And a “nonenumerated member” of the G-7 is “the European Union,” so really, he’s wrecked our relationship with pretty much the entire continent in a mere 55 days or so.
There are no reports of Rubio’s motorcade being pelted with loonies or hockey pucks, but we wouldn’t blame Canadians one bit if they wanted to give their pitching arms some work. But there are plenty of other ways for Canadians to shower Rubio with the same level of respect that America has recently decided to throw at our closest neighbor and ally. Which is to say, none.
The less-than-subtle hints started with Rubio’s arrival at the airport, where he was greeted by the tiniest red carpet we've ever seen:
That’s not even a carpet, it’s a bath mat. And they spread the bath mat so it didn’t even cover more than a little bit of that puddle. So presumably his handsomely shined big-boy shoes got a good splashing.
We don’t know if the Canadians did this on purpose as a bit of a passive-aggressive “fuck you,” or if most places don’t roll out red carpets for visiting secretaries of State, or if it depends on the purpose of the visit, or what. We looked at a whole bunch of videos on YouTube of Rubio and his predecessor Anthony Blinken walking off their planes in foreign airports, and very rarely did any red carpet make an appearance.
When one did appear, however, it was a fucking carpet, not the floor mat from an ‘87 Jeep Cherokee. It’s also possible they saw that famous picture of Rubio in a giant chair and thought in real life he must be the size of a Raggedy Andy doll. He certainly casts about as imposing a figure.
We’re going to assume Canada did this on purpose, because that’s way funnier.
Rubio appears to have spent a great deal of time at the G-7 ignoring reporters yelling at him to ask if he respects Canadian sovereignty. Which, to be clear, is a fair question to ask of Donald Trump’s chief diplomat.
It’s a touchy subject for Rubio. When he did deign to answer a question, a reporter asked him if he understood why there was such “umbrage” in Canada over Trump’s talk of annexation and making the country the 51st state. You can see by the end of this clip that he’s getting kind of mad, an emotion that on Rubio reads as more sad than intimidating.
Blistering! We feel like giving him a little pat on the head and telling him he’s adorable. It’s like if Spike ever watched Tyke get mad at something.
Also, Rubio never answered the question. He simply restated the state of play in diplomat-speak: Trump thinks Canada should join the US, and Canada thinks Trump should shove that golf cart he’s always driving around one of his clubs up his ass sideways. Then Rubio very huffily said annexing Canada is not what the G-7 meeting is about, making it clear he was done answering questions about the issue.
To which the only proper response is: Buddy, get used to it, because if you last for four whole years in this job, you are going to spend a lot of time defending this kind of thing. And you are going to look as unhappy doing it anywhere else as you did in Canada.
Anyway, the coverage sure could make you think the US-Canada fight is what the meeting was about. The headlines on quite a few news stories said something along the lines of “G-7 Meeting Proceeds Amid Trump’s Taunting of Canada.” And Canadian Foreign Minister Mélanie Joly told Rubio that Canada’s sovereignty “is not up to debate, period.”
Canada's top diplomat feeling the need to reiterate that point to America’s top diplomat is quite something, even by the debased standards of our current era.
New Canadian Prime Minister Mark Carney was even more blunt:
Rubio capped off his three days of lousy statesmanship by expelling South Africa’s ambassador to the United States, in a most undiplomatic tweet, for the crime of not showing sufficient love for the demented lunatic in the White House:
No other tweet on Rubio’s feed reads like something Donald Trump would squeeze out at 3 AM while absolutely wrecking his gold toilet. Presumably someone on the White House social media team wrote this and Rubio was ordered to post it. Oh well, he didn’t have any diplomatic credibility to torch anyway.
The administration’s beef with the ambassador, Ebrahim Rasool, appears to be a speech Rasool gave this week in which he noted that Trump is “mobilizing” white supremacy both here and overseas. He also criticized JD Vance’s embrace of Germany’s far-right AfD party. He was pretty blunt:
And very clearly, it’s to project white victimhood as a dog whistle that there is a global protective movement that is beginning to envelop embattled white communities or apparently embattles white communities. It may not be true, it may not make sense, but that is not the dog whistle that is being heard in a global, white base. So I think we need to understand all of that.
We fail to see anything in that statement that is false. Because this happened last week too:
In fact, it seems like a pretty straightforward summary of the situation the world currently finds itself in. But it’s Trump’s Washington now, and insulting His Majesty is a jailable offense.
Anyone could have told Rubio that this job was the ultimate poisoned chalice. Anyone could have told him that he will go down in history as the secretary of State who was presiding when America blew up its relationship with every allied nation on Earth simply because our president is an old man whose brain is made of rice pudding.
But on the plus side for Rubio, he’s not even in the country he’s helping flush down history’s toilet half the time. If only the rest of us could be so lucky.
[CBC / Washington Post]
Wonkette is reader-supported, and none of that support is going towards a one-way plane ticket to Bali, why do you ask?
News reports from Canada are say Canadians are staying away from USA spring break locations in the southeast. Florida especially.
Well Done!
Rubio looks absolutely miserable. Surprised he's lasted more than a Mooch.