Markwayne Mullin Got 'Splainin' And 'Polgizin' To His Senate Colleagues To Do If He Wants That DHS Job
Maybe. The bar is low.
Yeehaw everybody lookit, it’s Senator Markwayne Waynemark Mullin! Wednesday, the smartest man in Oklahoma moseyed up to his colleagues trying to rustle up votes to get himself out of committee and confirmed in Kristi Noem’s old position as Department of Homeland Security secretary, now that she’s drifted along to be Special Pantyshield of the Americas. And to show how Oklahoma is 48nd in education! Smarts or a lack of ‘em are never not disqualifying in the Trump administration, but unfortunately, Markwayne has burned many of his co-workers’ britches with his flaming asshole personality, so it may be an uphill climb!
Reminder, Markwayne Mullin has never served in the military. He’s never managed anything bigger than his family’s plumbing company. He has an associates degree in construction, and made his name with a radio show on conservative 1170 KFAQ in Tulsa called House Talk, which he leveraged to get elected congressman in 2012, and then senator in 2023. He’s also a loudmouth pussy idiot who refuses to wear a seatbelt while driving his Jeep around DC because he’s scared of getting carjacked by Black boys on mopeds, and not wearing a seatbelt will help him do what, fly out and roundhouse-kick a gun out of some carjacker’s hands? Unclear. All belt buckle, no wangerdongle.
Remember the time Markwayne Mullin told the president of the International Brotherhood of Teamsters Sean O’Brien that as “two consenting adults” he should “stand his butt up and fight” and then O’Brien was like how about you stand up your butt and fight in the middle of a Senate hearing, because O’Brien typed mean Tweets that besmirched Markwayne’s fragile and tender man honor, and the whole thing was a little homoerotic? And then Senator Bernie Sanders told Markwayne to sit his butt down, yuah a United States senatah, and Markwayne obeyed him, all the while clucking to Bernie that O’Brien was a thug.
DO rewatch. Maybe it’s just projecting, but O’Brien looks like he’s trying hard not to laugh while Markwayne’s standing his flat little butt up like Buster Scruggs.
Sadly, Sean O’Brien never got the chance to knock Markwayne’s consenting-adult yokel bitch-ass out. And then Mullin told Sean Hannity that flapping his dumb baloney hole was what his Oklahoma constituents were counting on him to do. Given what we have seen and heard tell of the wits of his voters, that is surely true.
Markwayne’s Senate colleagues remember all that! That, and oh so much more, and they grilled him about his violent tendencies, his January 6 participation and 2020 election denialism, and some secret mission he went on in 2015 or ‘16 where he may or may not have smelled WAR. The entire three hours is chef’s kiss, and/or we’ll servicey-like pull the top best/worst clips from Bluesky for you!
Kentucky’s Rand Paul got right fucking to it and personal, using his opening statement to confront Mullin for reportedly calling him a “freaking snake” and how he said he “completely understood” why a neighbor assaulted Paul in 2017. Lather up and spread your loathsomeness upon one another like egg-white frosting! Fight! Fight! Fight! But with your tongues, boys, because poor Rand Paul’s bones have been through enough already.
Later, at around 26:30:00 Paul grilled Mullin some more and even rolled that O’Brien tape, pointed out Mullin’s lack of apology to himself and his general support for violence, while evoking 1851-1874 Senator Charles Sumner, abolitionist and founding member of the Republican Party, not to be confused with Gordon, and ... dueling and caning? Mullin thinks they’re still legal?
You will note that at the end there, Markwayne is silent. Almost as if he has been beaten into a coma. With a cane.
Must Mullin keep saying consenting adults? It gives us childhood flashbacks to pressing “play” on the rumpus room Betamax machine as a child, only to have the videotape not be Song of the South as expected.
Markwayne Mullin wants consenting adults to have a right to duel to the death and believes that they do? Like literally, and not nakedly with dicks? Has Markwayne shot someone and would like to use that as a defense? And why does he keep saying those two words?
Anyway, later Sen. Elissa Slotkin confronted Mullin for refusing to certify the 2020 election, and his election denialism. Which he never lost and still done do got! Joe Biden may have been certified, but what does that even mean?
Photo flashback to that pussy loser bitch cowering while Ashli Babbitt was fixing to get shot in the head.
And anyway what is this MYSTERY SECRET CLASSIFIED MISSION for training that Markwayne Mullin didn’t disclose to his co-workers until recently, that was secret yet official, where he touched, tasted, and smelled the smelly smells of war, savoring them as one would a lover’s bouquet?
It was US Navy survival training, he claimed! Real hard! But why would him doing some fitness bootcamp be classified? And if it was, why didn’t he report it and check the “classified” box that is there on forms that were provided to him for that specific purpose?
Our inquiring minds would also like to know, who were the other four consenting adults along on this training mission to that certain special secret area? Was there dueling and/or caning?
Why are there so many key party vibes and/or Fight Club vibes coming off this guy? He’s definitely not in the Eyes Wide Shut class. Or if he is, who would even want to join any more?
Maybe the scene is different in Tulsa. Anyway, Rand Paul says he, for one, sure as shit won’t vote to confirm that asshole.
Will anybody else (besides Democrats) climb onto Rand Paul’s peace train? We’ll see!
[NBC]
LOL, “ Special Pantyshield of the Americas.” Things like this are why a Brit friend I told about Wonkette says “I can hardly wait to see what Marcie wrote about this” whenever we discuss American insanity/politics.
"Must Mullin keep saying consenting adults? It gives us childhood flashbacks to pressing “play” on the rumpus room Betamax machine as a child, only to have the videotape not be Song of the South as expected."
I have been following Wonkette since the early Ana Marie Cox days, and THIS is one of Wonkette's finest prose moments.