Matt Gaetz Pulls Out
For once.
Wow, that Ethics Committee report must be baaaaaaad. (The one the Committee deadlocked on releasing yesterday, but agreed to finish and then reconvene in early December. Also the one that Democrats were going to force a vote on next week.)
Matt Gaetz has just withdrawn from consideration to be Donald Trump’s enforcer at the Justice Department, tasked with weaponizing the institution to punish all the people who ever hurt Trump’s feelings and said his crowds were as little as his hands. Also all the people who ever prosecuted Trump, for the fake crime of constantly committing crimes.
He announced on Twitter:
Obviously we’re still gonna want to see that Ethics Report.
When Gaetz resigned from Congress he said he would just not take office again in January — he resigned from the 118th Congress, but was just re-elected to the 119th — and considering how we’re pretty sure he resigned to get away from that Ethics report, we probably believe him! So basically, Gaetz has just fucked himself out of government.
It’s a Thanksgiving miracle! We don’t have to see his face anymore ever again, at least until he finds a new way to invade us non-consensually!
Also, does anybody have eyes on Kevin McCarthy right now? We want to see how hard he’s laugh-gasming.
In response to Gaetz’s announcement, Mitch McConnell said, “I think that was appropriate.” Barking Foghorn Leghorn moron Senator John Kennedy of Louisiana, meanwhile, said, “When I was shown the tweet, I asked the gentleman who showed me, double-check it and make sure it’s not one of those fake news tweets.” OK.
The writing was on the wall this morning. The Hill reported that Republican senators really wanted him to pull out, with one saying it would be the “most humane way” to resolve the process. The same senator said, though, that maybe the idea was to sacrifice Gaetz loudly and publicly so that others like Tulsi Gabbard and Robert F. Kennedy Jr. — who that senator says some Republicans have concerns about — might squeak through the confirmation process. We guess while everybody was listening to stories about Gaetz and an underage girl, and paying women $10,000 for sex, and crushing Viagra and Red Bull and whatever else.
Like this, which CNN is just reporting right now:
The woman who says she had sex when she was a minor with then-Rep. Matt Gaetz told the House Ethics Committee she had two sexual encounters with him at one party in 2017, sources familiar with her testimony tell CNN.
The woman, who was 17 years old at the time, testified that the second sexual encounter, which has not previously been reported, included another adult woman. She also testified to both sexual encounters in a civil deposition as part of a related lawsuit, sources said.
Wow. Guess GOP Senator John Cornyn was right when he said a Gaetz confirmation hearing would be like “Kavanaugh on steroids.” Hey! That’s another guy Donald Trump nominated who was credibly accused of being a sexual predator. They’re everywhere!
This comes after JD Vance humiliated his own self sherpa-ing Gaetz around the Senate yesterday, as if JD has any friends there, that fucking loser pile of human butthair. So that’s sad.
Know who else showed up to stick up for Matt Gaetz yesterday? George Santos showed up to stick up for Matt Gaetz yesterday.
In response, Donald Trump posted on Truth Social that Matt Gaetz has a “wonderful future.” Maybe he’ll land softly at a think tank. Maybe he’ll go sell used cars in Florida and try to find new girlfriends at high school homecoming games. Maybe he will get some more fillers. The possibilities are endless!
With this, the first act of Trump’s second presidency has ended in utter humiliation. May this be an omen that follows him until the day he waddles out of the White House for the last time.
Time to focus even harder on Gabbard, Kennedy, and Hegseth.
[CNN]
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Well, that’s one jerk off the cabinet list.
Gaetz uses Venmo for all his minor purchases.