Matt Schlapp's Junk Pummeling Its Way Back Into News Cycle
Be grateful for the Schlapp puns we typed and then deleted before publishing.
We were wondering when more gross creeper news was going to dribble out about CPAC’s Matt Schlapp, the one who sports the absurdly coiffed white hair that just screams out “I’m a man of God and I’m here to take you to my private rectory.”
There were all those allegations at the beginning of the year, and a lawsuit from a former Herschel Walker staffer named Carlton Huffman, who accused Schlapp of unwanted “grabbed my junk and pummeled it at length.” The story, then as now, is the hypocrisy, because oh look, a family values Republican white man, a representative of a movement that exists to hurt LGBTQ+ people, has been accused of going behind his Christian wife’s back to get some cock on the sly, in a predatory way.
What a giant fucking surprise again, happens all the time.
Anyway, he denied it, and then he and his Christian wife Mercedes “Mercy” Schlapp, who worked for the bigoted fascist Trump White House, did a special Valentine’s Day appearance on Newsmax to explain how they keep their marriage SCHLPICY after all these years — mmhmm you betcha — and then the news kinda seemed to fade into the background.
Until now.
First there was a Washington Post article over the weekend, what said CPAC was being encouraged to look at more sexual misconduct claims against Schlapp. SPOILER SURPRISE, it was dudes again.
The encouragement was coming from a guy called Charlie Gerow, who was vice chairman of the board at the American Conservative Union, which puts on CPAC. (Schlapp is the chair.) Gerow resigned Friday, and in his resignation letter said hey, more investigations are needed into Schlappy Schquirrel over there with his hand down his pants. (In so many words.)
In particular, WaPo says he wanted the board to “authorize an investigation including any additional allegations that they or staff have become aware of.” Oh! Like what, please?
[S]ome board members and staffers have been told about other incidents involving Schlapp, 55, and two younger men, multiple people with direct knowledge of the situation said.
Uh huh.
In one incident, a staffer said Schlapp attempted to kiss him while drinking late after a work function in 2017. The staffer also provided documentation from that night to The Washington Post showing physical contact that the staffer said was unsolicited.
In another incident, Schlapp allegedly made unwanted physical advances on someone else’s employee during a CPAC business trip in Palm Beach, Fla., in early 2022, according to multiple people informed of the incident.
Well, well, well. There’s always more, isn’t there?
When the lawsuit happened earlier this year, the Schlapps and ACU both went on this weird tangent blaming the Daily Beast for somehow orchestrating the whole thing. Now, a current ACU executive board member named Matt Smith tells WaPo this is all because Gerow, the resigning vice chair, is mad he wasn’t going to be re-elected, yadda yadda yadda. “These allegations are completely fabricated and represent a blatant attempt by Mr. Gerow and disgruntled individuals to force Mr. Schlapp to step down.”
Mr. Gerow sure does fabricate some interesting and detailed stories, if so! Also weird that just above it says a staffer gave WaPo receipts in support of one of the allegations. And:
Gerow noted that he made no allegations in his resignation letter. “I simply said there needs to be an investigation into any allegations that staff and board members are aware of,” he said Sunday.
Last night we were watching a “Narcos: Mexico” and a corrupt official was like “IF YOUR NEWSPAPER SAYS ANY FALSE ALLEGATIONS ABOUT MY MONEY LAUNDERING YOU’LL BE SORRY” and the journalist was like LMAO I didn’t ask about money laundering, just “financial ties.” But ¡gracias!
Anyway, we are sure this is all an attack on entirely heterosexual Matt Schlapp from big gay Satan.
And speaking of big gay Satan (Daily Beast), not only have they confirmed the WaPo’s reporting, they’ve got a new scoop too!
The original lawsuit against Schlapp, from Huffman, is in its discovery phase. And again, Schlapp has sworn up and down to Jesus that he did not pummel that guy’s junk.
But back in March he reportedly tried to settle with Huffman:
The offer from Schlapp was in the low six figures, according to the sources. But Schlapp’s accuser—Republican strategist Carlton Huffman, who filed the lawsuit against Schlapp and his wife, Mercedes Schlapp, in January—turned it down and countered with a substantially higher sum. Schlapp did not accept the counterproposal, the sources said.
Innnnnnnaresting! The Daily Beast says the ACU board knew about this but wasn’t formally apprised. Meanwhile, the Schlapps say nuh uh, they did not offer to settle with that guy’s junk.
“From the outset Mr. and Mrs. Schlapp have been and remain prepared to go to trial and are confident of prevailing in court,” says their publicist Mark Corallo. Bullshit, says Huffman’s lawyer.
Reading both the WaPo and Daily Beast articles (they are both loooooong) it sounds like there’s a lot of unpleasantness in CPAC/ACU-land. This is the Beast:
These back-door negotiations are among a number of developments that have raised internal concerns at the ACU in recent months, as Schlapp has persistently kept the board out of the loop in discussions related to Huffman’s allegation, the lawsuit, funding for his legal defense, and the ACU’s own bookkeeping, according to sources with knowledge of the events and previous news reports.
The Beast moreover notes that the vice chair who resigned, Gerow, was a major defender of Schlapp’s when all this drama started. We guess a lot can change in a few months:
Multiple sources described Schlapp’s behavior in response to the allegations as “bizarre.” He continues to reject calls for an internal investigation, and ACU board meetings have been structured in a way that has precluded any discussion of the allegation. Those moves have only deepened concerns, even among longtime allies who initially defended him, according to the sources.
Huh. By the way, according to the Beast’s sources, the ACU may well get added to Huffman’s lawsuit as a defendant. So that’s interesting. And there is so much more at those two links, so just read them all if you’re interested.
ACU/CPAC are still blaming the Daily Beast, by the way:
In a 362-word statement, ACU and CPAC spokesperson Alexandra Preate falsely claimed that The Daily Beast was “on a partisan mission” with Huffman and his lawyer to “destroy ACU/CPAC, one of the most effective and respected conservative organizations in the country, and its leader Matt Schlapp.”
Definitely.
Thoughts and prayers, we are sure we wish everyone involved here the very best!
[Washington Post / Daily Beast]
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...suddenly there came a schlapping, a schlapping at my backdoor. Only this and nothing more...
"his Christian wife Mercedes “Mercy” Schlapp"
Stephen Colbert said that she was "named after the sound of a luxury car hitting a poor person."
I miss Colbert