Mike Johnson Just Intuitively Knows Illegal Aliens Stealing Trump's Precious

That's his elections. Probably also his bodily fluids.

Video screenshot, Forbes on YouTube

On Wednesday, House Republicans proudly unveiled an actual pile of horse shit that they’re calling serious legislation, a pointless election-year fearmongering bill with a title that spells out SAVE, as in SAVE-ing America from scary foreigners voting in federal elections.

Oh wow, that should definitely be illegal! Which is why it is already a felony, and Johnson knows it. But no matter! He came up with an excellent reason for making it extra-double illegal with sprinkles, which is that if just one out of 100 foreigns living in the United States voted, why, that would be a lot of votes!

Of course, you’d need to find hundreds of thousands of noncitizens who are willing to commit a felony that would send them to prison for five years, after which they’d be deported. There’s no evidence immigrants — even undocumented folks with little education! — are that stupid, but it’s something Republicans believe fervently.

Then again, Republicans believe a lot of stupid shit fervently, like Barack Obama being born in Kenya, global warming being a hoax, the COVID virus being harmless, and the 2020 election being stolen, which is why Johnson and many of the Republicans appearing at Wednesday’s presser wanted to overturn the actual outcome of that election. Not sure their election security bill has anything in it to prevent that.

After introducing the absolutely gleaming pile of horse shit America needs to prevent a thing that’s already vanishingly rare, Johnson took questions, and while it wasn’t audible, the first was apparently something like “what proof do you have that noncitizens are voting anyway, you filthy lying rodent felcher?” (We intuitively know that was the question.)

Here’s Johnson, explaining that of course it’s happening because he just knows it is, and feelings don’t care about your facts:

Johnson whined that states are “not allowed” to demand proof of citizenship for voter registration (again, never mind that it’s already a felony to falsely register to vote), so there’s simply no way to know how often it happens (apart from all. the. research). However, Johnson explained, it has to be pretty common, because

“We all know intuitively that a lot of illegals are voting in federal elections, but it’s not been something that is easily provable. We don’t have that number.”

Okay, Donald Trump had a made-up number of like three million or five million illegal votes for Hillary Clinton, but he disbanded his stupid “voter fraud commission” because everyone was laughing at what a farce it was. So we really can’t know!

Behold the beauty of faith-based legislating. Republicans just know that LOADS of undocumented immigrants are voting, because it is a thing they know in their hearts, and because they are constantly telling each other that is the case, and the rightwing media they watch says so.

Never mind that every time they insist they’ve found irrefutable proof, it turns out to be bullshit. Remember a few years back, when Texas’s then-Secretary of State David Whitley announced (incorrectly) that he’d found nearly One Hundred Thousand Noncitizens who were registered to vote, clearly illegally?

But he hadn’t, although the story was hyped in rightwing media. His “research” consisted of looking at driver license data, where legal residents with green cards have to note that status on their application, then comparing it with voter rolls, and assuming that all the people on both lists were illegally registered. Turned out that over and over again, he’d found people who were legal residents when they got their drivers’ licenses, who then became naturalized citizens and registered, very legally and in fact admirably, to vote.

Repeat that story and others just as shoddy a few hundred thousand times in rightwing media and social media posts, and no wonder Johnson and other Rs “know intuitively” that their cherished — and politically useful — myth has to be true. It’s every bit as true as their belief that tens of thousands of dead people vote, which is why Republicans sometimes have no choice but to do voter fraud themselves to even things out.

Once again for Republicans in the back — who never pay attention anyway so why do we even bother? — research and trial courts have found time and again that it simply doesn’t happen beyond a handful of cases, and even those cases tend to involve permanent residents mistakenly registering to vote.

Happily, the bill will be DOA once it gets to the Senate, and Mike Johnson sucks, the end.

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Federal Judge Thinks Kris Kobach Is An Asshole Too

Texas Jackwad Lied About 'Illegal' Voters, Part 43

Trump Disbands Fake Voter Fraud Commission, Now We'll Never Know How Many Millions He Won By

What? Elon Musk Just Lying His A** Off About Illegal Aliens, 'Treason'? How Can This Beeeeee?

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[NBC News / Reuters / Brennan Center]

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