Mike Lindell To Prove Machines Stoled Kari Lake's Rightful Election Win. Again.
No, it won't be like last time. Or the time before that. Or the ti—
Demented Mr. Potato Head doll Mike Lindell promises that he is finally going to blow the doors off this whole election fraud thing with evidence so persuasive that all of America will be convinced that the voting machines in 2020 were rigged.
And unlike the approximately 322,476 other times Lindell has made this promise, this one is absolutely, positively, no doubt about it, grab-your-ass-and-hold-on-for-the-ride-Poindexter going to work.
Lindell has spent the week yelling about this new case that he’s taking RIGHT TO THE SUPREME COURT with EXPLOSIVE NEW EVIDENCE that will BLOW THE DOORS OFF THIS WHOLE GOLDANG THING. He has been yelling it at his audience of suckers on Twitter:
“We’ve been waiting three long years to a breakthrough on the Supreme Court, and now we have it. The evidence we’re gonna drop that you’re gonna see on Friday is the most explosive evidence you’ve ever seen. So what a blessing we finally made it. We’ll see you Friday at 3 P.M. live from the steps of the Supreme Court.”
And here he is yelling about it on Steve Bannon’s War Room podcast:
“The evidence we’re going to put in this case has never been seen before. And the only reason we’re able to do it is because they kicked this case out on standing. Had they not done that, we would not have been able to add this new evidence. […] You’re not gonna see this on Fox News. You’re not gonna see it on Newsmax. You’re not going to see it on any of these stations because they don’t want this out there for some reason.”
We’re guessing for some reason is more like 787 million reasons, like Fox and Newsmax not wanting to have to pay a $787 million judgment when they get sued for libel by whichever person or voting machine company Lindell’s going to accuse of being accessories to election fraud. Just a thought!
What Lindell actually was planning was a lot less revolutionary than what he was claiming, of course. What was actually happening was his lawyers were filing a routine writ of certiorari in Lake v. Fontes, one of Kari Lake’s innumerable lawsuits related to her 2022 election loss in the Arizona governor’s race. Lindell has been backing Lake in this case, frantically selling dozens of his terrible pillows to cover the legal fees.
PREVIOUSLY:
Lake is appealing a Ninth Circuit ruling from last fall tossing her case into a wheat thresher on the grounds that she did not have standing to sue the state of Arizona because her arguments “were limited to potential future hacking [of voting machines], and not based on any past harm.” Lake and Lindell would now like SCOTUS to take up the case and save America.
On his website, Lindell has a whole history of this case that sounds a bit like the scene in Monty Python and the Holy Grail where the King of the Swamp Castle is yelling about how all the castles he had built sank into the swamp:
Maricopa County Judge Peter Thompson dismissed the lawsuit initially based on standing and assertions that our claims were “speculative”. It then went to the Arizona Court of Appeals which affirmed the dismissal. An appeal to the Arizona Supreme Court also ended with affirmation of the dismissal. The case was then appealed again after this ruling to the 9th Circuit Court of Appeals where the dismissal was once again affirmed. The LOF attorneys who continued to pursue the case, including Alan Dershowitz, were sanctioned.
Lindell either does not know or is hoping his audience does not know that a writ of certiorari does not introduce new evidence in a case. It is a “request that the Supreme Court order a lower court to send up the record of the case for review.” Which is a lot less exciting than what Lindell told Dobbs, which was that the new evidence is “so explosive that it will have to be another 9-0 vote.”
Oh sure, this isn’t like all Lindell’s earlier bullshit cases, like the one where he was so confident that he offered a $5 million reward to anyone who could prove that some data that he claimed showed China interfered in the 2020 election was bogus. A software engineer who took up the challenge and proved that Lindell’s data was, yes, very bogus, had to take the pillow magnate to federal court to collect the $5 million.
PAY THE FUCK UP!
No no, this time he’s got the goods.
Lake and her lawyers have already been granted two extensions to file certiorari in her case by Justice Elena Kagan, who oversees the Ninth Circuit. The deadline set in the second extension was March 14, which is presumably why Lindell, later in the week, announced he’d be going to the Supreme Court on Thursday instead of Friday. Then he cancelled the whole appearance because of security issues and replaced it with a Twitter Spaces on Friday.
Give Lindell this, he’s quite the salesman/cocaine junkie. His pitch sounded like he’d be doing a march on SCOTUS, and there would be some cinematic West Wing But for the Insane moment when he throws some papers into John Roberts’s lap and yells, “A-ha! And you all called me crazy! But there’s all the evidence you need right there!” While John Roberts stares in stunned shame that he did not listen to this heroic lump of Gold Medal flour the first thousand times.
Lindell thinks we’ll all be sorry. But joke’s on him, we’re already sorry.
[Newsweek / Twitter / Steve Bannon’s War Room]
Weirdly enough, Mike Lindell refuses to give us $5 million for proving that he’s a nincompoop. But you, our dear readers, can help.
That guy still has money for lawyers?
These people just have way too much fucking money.
I'm living paycheck-to-paycheck, trying to balance rent and food and medical bills and prescriptions and...and these assholes are throwing fistfuls of cash at lawyers to pursue baseless nonsense.
Capitalism blows.