Federal Judge To Mike Lindell: Time Toupee $5 Million To Guy Who Met Your $5 Million 'Challenge'

Guess 'Prove Mike Wrong' proved Mike wrong.

Feb 23, 2024

And now let us check in with Mikhail Donaldovich Lindell, everyone’s favorite screamy recovered(?) crackhead conspiracy theorist, who you may have last seen rambling about AI robots on Steve Bannon’s “War Room,” getting his phone seized by the FBI at Hardee’s, or in that deposition where he was frothing and hollering at the lawyer for Dominion Voting Systems employee Eric Coomer that he was an AMBULANCE CHASER EVIL ASSHOLE for saying that MYPILLOWS were LUMPY.

You may recall that at his “Prove Mike Wrong” contest in 2021 at his hilarious “Cyber Symposium,” he offered a reward of $5 million in U.S. PillowBucks from his company’s coffers for anyone who could prove that “packet captures” of “data” he released at his 2021 “Cyber Symposium” was not 100% bonafide genuine automatic hydromatic greased-lightning proof that the Chinese stole the 2020 election from Trump, using their inscrutable ancient-Chinese-secret methods of capturing packets. Said the contest rules:

“Participants have one goal. Find proof that this cyber data is not valid data from the November Election. For the people who find the evidence, 5 million is their reward.”

As it turns out, the “data” was not hard to scrute at all. It was not from the 2020 election. In fact, it was “no recognizable data in any known data format,” potentially making it the easiest $5 million Nevada computer forensics expert Robert Zeidman ever made, if he ever gets it (lucky for Mike that he was the only one who apparently tried).

Natch, Mike and the bigwigs of Lindell Management LLC (which is also Mike) did not want to forfeit that Hardee’s money. He took the case to arbitration, claiming that there had too been data, but oops, he lost it when a guy taking a selfie jostled his arm (or was it a government plant assaulting him?!)

Lindell testified at arbitration that he did not share what he had described as his key data to support the foreign intrusion claim during the conference. He held off, he said, after a man seeking a selfie poked him in the side as the symposium was nearing an end — an act that Lindell called an assault and said he took as a signal the government might tamper with his central information if he made it public.

Mike then appointed his own data team, called “The Red Team,” and none of his Red Team cyber experts were able to open the files. Next, Mike claimed it was just a big gotcha, he didn’t actually give out all the data, because there was just too much data, so he only gave them a “slice” to see who among the rabble of boys in attendance were real he-men when it came to computers:

First, he said, there was too much data to provide it all to participants. So, they were given a “slice” of the data. Second, he testified that he believed they needed to be sure to avoid providing sensitive private information, which could include passwords and sign-ins. That could be illegal. Third, he said that they put a “simple cipher” in place for at least one file to “separate the men from the boys.” That is, to have participants demonstrate their “sleuthing” skills. Fourth, some data was presented in encrypted form that apparently could be opened only using cExtractor, a software tool designed for that purpose. A video excerpt of someone using cExtractor was provided to participants, without explanation. cExtractor was not provided as part of the Contest data.

Unsurprisingly, he lost. And unsurprisingly he did not pay up, as he was too busy stiffing his lawyers and selling his massage tables and auctioning off his pillow-making supplies, with not much coming in since he got cancel-cultured by that woke leftie emporium, WalMart. So Zeidman sued Lindell in federal court in Minnesota, and now here he is, losing again! (Washington Post guest link)

Also still ongoing, the $1.3 billion defamation lawsuit filed against him by Dominion Voting Systems, and one from Dominion employee Eric Coomer, the one he was deposed for with all that screaming, which is a video that is better than “Cats,” and we can watch it over and over.

ASSWHOLE! YOU’RE AN ASSWHOLE!!

Of the $5 million, Lindell huffed in text to a WaPo reporter, “of course we’re going to appeal it. This guy doesn’t have a dime coming.”

With what money, who knows? I’m sure the many fine Trump lawyers would love to help out their dear friend, too bad they’re all just a little busy right now.