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Most Important Issue Facing Congress: Stopping John Fetterman's Body Double From Wearing Shorts At Senate
The pussy grabbing party has thoughts about 'decorum.'
Republicans don’t do well with personal choice. That’s hardly a shocker considering their abortion policy, their LGBTQ policy, and their COVID-19 policy. However, their twisted perspective was put in sharp relief this week when Senate Majority Leader Chuck Schumer relaxed the dress code for members.
This was seen as specifically enabling the shorts- and hoodie-forward fashion tastes of Senator John Fetterman of Pennsylvania. However, Krysten Sinema consistently dresses like it’s Halloween and Republicans weren’t pitching a fit. You get a lot of leeway when you help screw over poor people.
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Congress is just a few days away from a government shutdown — brought on by Republicans unable to agree with each other — but Senate Republicans swiftly moved to condemn the relaxed dress code in a stern letter to Schumer. Ugly yacht owner Joe Manchin, a Democrat, personally stopped by Fetterman’s office to swear his allegiance to business attire.
“John, I think it’s wrong and there’s no way I can comply with that,” he reportedly informed Fetterman. “Wanted to tell him directly that I totally oppose it and I will do everything I can to try to hold the decorum of the Senate.”
I suppose the millions of children driven into poverty after Manchin helped Republicans kill the expanded Child Tax Credit can at least appreciate that he was wearing a suit at the time.
It’s interesting that Manchin used the word “comply,” as he can still wear a suit and show off his pocket square game. If I still worked in an office, I’d probably object to a mandatory shorts and hoodie dress code. After all, I dressed like Barney Stinson (even on weekends) before I moved to Portland, Oregon.
No one is forcing Manchin to “comply” with anything, but it’s Manchin and other Republicans who want Fetterman to comply with what they believe maintains “the decorum of the Senate.” Apparently, everything’s fine as long you wear a suit while stealing Supreme Court seats, blocking military promotions, and attempting coups. But bare (male) legs on the Senate floor is a direct attack on our institutions.
Republicans are very insecure in their own choices unless everyone else is forced to make the same ones. They can’t just choose not to have abortions. No one must have them, even in different states. Their resistance to vaccine and mask mandates quickly became total opposition to vaccines and masks for anyone, anywhere.
Rep. Dan Crenshaw went off on a revealing rant about the Senate dress code. (He’d opposed Nancy Pelosi’s mask mandate for House members, and wearing a tie doesn’t stop the spread of infectious disease.)
The US Senate lowering its dress code standard to appease the lowest common denominator is emblematic of a far greater problem spreading through society.
Rules matter. Standards matter. They’re what separate the civilized from the uncivilized and they’re what lay the foundation for constant human improvement and progress. Tell people that standards don’t matter and they’ll stop trying, because their efforts no longer make a difference. If everyone stops trying, stops caring, then civilization becomes uncivilized.
So no, it’s not hyperbole to suggest that Senator John Fetterman is emblematic of the downfall of society.
No, that is literally hyperbole. Fetterman was on the front lines, in his short sleeves, fighting back in 2020 against Donald Trump’s election lies. The well-dressed Republicans, including Crenshaw, who remained silent are more “emblematic of the downfall of society.”
I could probably respect such moral scolding from Tom Nichols, who freaks out when people don’t wear shoes on airplanes. But Nichols has been a consistent Never Trumper. He didn’t give Trump a pass on his loathsome personal behavior just because it was politically expedient. However, Crenshaw has done nothing but make excuses for Trump. He refused to join the just four House Republicans who in 2019 voted to condemn Trump’s racist tweets. He made no moral stand against indicted serial liar George Santos, and that sweater vest and blazer look is arguably worse than hoodies.
Senate Republicans have abandoned actual rules and moral standards. These are the same people who refuse to let Democrats replace an old, sick woman on the Judiciary Committee. They’re the same cowards who wouldn’t convict Donald Trump after his mob almost killed them.
Crenshaw seems to think that Fetterman is the Pied Piper of hoodies, and he’ll lead everyone in Congress to casual wear ruin. That’s not how this works. Individual senators can continue to wear suits. No one’s stopping them, and if the people who actually elected Fetterman find his attire objectionable, they can choose a more dapper candidate when his term is up. He campaigned as the big tattooed guy in the hoodies, and suddenly transforming into Don Draper would probably reinforce the narrative that DC fundamentally changes people.
However, Fetterman has expressed a willingness to “suit up” if it will help Republicans focus on what their actual jobs:
“If those jagoffs in the House stop trying to shut our government down,” he said, “and fully support Ukraine, then I will save democracy by wearing a suit on the Senate floor next week.”
You’d probably want to wear loose-fitting clothing when delivering these epic burns.
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