Mullah Said There'd Be Days Like This. Tabs: Mon. March 23, 2026

News and things to read and watch!

Gif by your friend Martini Glambassador!

Oh, hello there! I am back from three days in Stanley, Virginia with no internet connection, getting out of the liberal bubble, touching grass and puzzling over the mystery of the ages! How can it be, people who seem so sweet and hospitable to a stranger’s face (a white one, anyway), smart enough to make a living from the soil and fill out the forms for all those government farm subsidies, are still running Trump and Confederate flags up the pole?

And now big STOP THE STEAL ones too.

That goat is over it. Virginians, vote yes on redistricting on April 21 if you want to dilute them-alls votes! (NBC)

So what did I miss, any other wars still going on?

That Iran one: at least 2,200 troops of the 11^th Marine Expeditionary Unit have departed from Camp Pendleton aboard the USS Boxer, an amphibious assault ship. Is that the sound of boots preparing to pound some ground? Reported NBC San Diego: “The deployment of the Marine Expeditionary Unit is notable because they are trained for crisis response, like evacuations from dangerous areas and protecting embassies. They are also trained to be the first ones in on the ground to set up areas for other forces, like special operators, to enter a region and conduct a mission.” (NBC San Diego)

WSJ Opinion Board: “The U.S Ammo Shortage Is Worse Than You Think.” Welp, uh oh. (WSJ gift link)

Iran struck the Diego Garcia base in the Chagos Islands in the Indian Ocean, meaning they’re theoretically capable of hitting Europe. Trump said he’d attack Iranian power plants, and Iran said if so they’d attack other regional infrastructure. Iran has been giving Hormuz Strait passes to some ships, like India’s and Japan’s (coincidentally right after Trump was a flaming asshole to their Prime Minister), and has let about 90 ships pass through so far. But about 20 ships who did not get an official MULLAH SAYS GO have been hit, including a Malta-flagged one. (Al Jazeera / The Telegraph / Euronews)

Robert Swan Mueller III — Vietnam vet, Bronze star and Purple Heart recipient, appointed by George Dubya Bush as FBI director and by Trump’s DOJ/Rod Rosenstein as Special Counsel to the DOJ for Russia, Russia, Russia, man the WSJ now characterizes as Trump’s bête noire — has died at 81 of Parkinson’s disease, a cruel death not to be wished on a worst enemy by any decent person. (New York Times)

Yet how the specter of his black beast still stalks one particular indecent man! The President of the United States of America, as is his way, immediately made the story all about himself, TS-ing “Robert Mueller just died. Good, I’m glad he’s dead. He can no longer hurt innocent people! President DONALD J. TRUMP,” thus juicing up his goons and forcing any breaking obituary to mention what a disrespectful shit he is, and how Trump’s haters are mad about it. (Daily Beast archive link)

Sunday mornin’ comin’ down:

Father of serviceman 28-year-old Master Sergeant Tyler Simmons, who died in the refueling-plane crash that killed six, says he never told Trump or Pete Hegseth to “please finish the job sir” in Iran. (Independent UK)

A jury in California found that Elon Musk defrauded Twitter shareholders, and he could be on the hook for as much as $2.6 billion in damages, which Grok informs us is is about 0.31 percent of his net worth. (CNBC)

“He took my son’s life for nothing”: Rachel Rayes, the mother of Ruben Ray Martinez, the 23-year-old American citizen shot and killed by an ICE agent in Texas in February, has hired a lawyer and is looking for answers after bodycam footage proved ICE has been lying about the circumstances. (PBS)

Pam Bondi is trying to pull an Alina Habba in the Eastern District of Wisconsin with election loser and ousted interim US Attorney Brad Schimel, remember him? His 120 days are up, he refuses to GTFO, and now criminal cases might be in jeopardy. Partyolawndorder! (WPR)

Click the ProPublica link if you want to freak out about all the nuclear-power regulators the regime has fired, or the Verge link if you want to learn about eugenics ghosts in the AI machine. (ProPublica / The Verge)

Brave Rutherford County, Tennessee librarian Luanne James told the county system board that if they want her to go put 190 youth titles with LGBTQ+ people in them into the adult section, they’re going have to go get themselves a court order. (Advocate)

Epsteiniana:

Files give more enraging, sad backstory to Epstein’s sweetheart deal, sigh. Federal sex-crimes prosecutor in South Florida Marie Villafaña spent a year interviewing more than a dozen girls who were raped by Epstein, and collecting evidence of his potential money laundering too, then pleading in vain for Alexander Acosta, then the US Attorney for the Southern District of Florida, and his criminal-prosecutions chief, Matthew Menchel, to do something in March of 2008: “We just finished interviewing three of the girls. I wish you could have been there to see how much this has affected them...’’ (Bloomberg archive link)

Melania Trump’s former modeling agent / presidential special envoy / father of the year Paolo Zampolli has been accused of asking Melania to ask ICE to deport his Brazilian ex-girlfriend and father of his son to end his child custody battle. (People Magazine)

Grab Bag:

The Gridiron Dinner this year sounds a touch spicy! Journalists (or rather their bosses, one would hope) paid $450 to watch Illinois Governor JB Pritzker and Sarah Huckabee Sanders’ attempts at comedy. Shuckles the Clown evoked that time Michelle Wolf mocked her eye shadow: “I’m proud to note that color has really taken off — in fact, it’s the exact same thing worn by Vice President JD Vance.” YA BEEN HUCKED! (Washington Post gift link)

We All Know That One Couple: Researchers have identified a species of Japanese cockroach that pair bonds after chewing each others’ wings off. (NPR)

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Homeroom Announcements:

Please note that Evan has the week off, so do not be alarmed!

Support Rebecca’s girls’ Detroit public elementary school and buy some pizza (pizza)! Little Caesar’s will ship the incredibly convenient pizza kits right to your home, then you can freeze them and never be without pizza! (Pizza Pizza)

Then how about some Girl Scout Cookies for dessert, supporting Scouts scared to leave their houses because they are trans or look like an immigrant? And, or, send pizza and cookies to your parents and friends, because who wouldn’t be happy to get surprise pizza and cookies? (Erin In The Morning)

Did you know Wonkette has a Bookshop? Check it out! (Wonkette Bookshop)

And a Spotify playlist too! We don’t make money off of it or anything, it’s just to complete the party. Now you are fully stocked and prepared for guests and/or the full breakdown of society! Yay, everything’s fun when we’re together, even a Kris Kristofferson-level hangover. But you gotta BYOB for that. (Spotify link)

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