Nice Time! Democratic Governors Let F*cking FLY.
Tim Walz, JB Pritzker, and Wes Moore are coming out swinging!
All this bad news of the country going to hell is so depressing and relentless. Let’s have a nice time: Governors giving Trump the what-for! And against the advice of consultants from their own party, even.
A leaked memo from David Shor’s Blue Rose Research shows research from a web panel testing 21 Democratic messages, and short version, what the panel “found” most effective to talk about was tariffs and Medicaid. Messages about the authoritarian takeover of Washington DC did not — they claimed — test well.
Should Democrats really take that advice? Because there’s what people say they want, and then there’s what they actually vote for. After all, in 2024 voters said that they cared about The Economy and the prices of The Groceries, and then they elected a guy who bankrupted six businesses, including two casinos, and was found liable for millions in fraud. That’s the guy you want to trust when The Groceries are the most important thing in the world to you?
And there’s also what’s actually important, even if it is painful to think about, which is losing our democracy, the rule of law, our human rights, the economy, our free speech, and everything else that makes America great. Talking points about Medicaid and the tariffs, while indeed important, seems beyond tone deaf at a time like this. But not everybody is taking the advice, thank goodness, so let’s enjoy some of the politicians who refuse!
First up, Minnesota Governor Tim Walz.
The Democrats held their three-day Democratic National Committee Summer Meeting in Minneapolis, and it was not without sturm und drang. The AP reports that DNC chair Ken Martin may be barely holding on: “[A]t least a couple of DNC members privately considered bringing a vote of no confidence against Martin this week in part because of the committee’s underwhelming fundraising.”
We know what might help with fundraising, and it is not pissing off your base and donors by being fucking weenuses. You know who wants Democrats to fight? Donors whose wallets are currently sewn the fuck shut.
The DNC had $14 million in the bank at the end of July, compared with the Republican National Committee’s $84 million. That’s pretty bad! Maybe they should consider changing direction!
But anyway, let’s go to the highlights of this ballbuster of a speech from MN Gov. and former vice presidential nominee Tim Walz:
“[T]he privilege of my lifetime was to stand beside someone we know was the most qualified and would have been a fantastic president in a President Harris. And look, we wouldn't wake up every day to a bunch of bullshit on TV and a bunch of nonsense. We would wake up to an adult with compassion and dignity and vision and leadership doing the work. Not a manchild crying about whatever's wrong with him. May his fat ankles find something today.”
Sorry, can’t think about what might have been or will have nervous breakdown. Also not totally sure what he means about the ankles, maybe banging them painfully into a piece of furniture? Ugh, that is the worst, the old shin-to-the-coffee-table.
“We're proud to be a diverse party. We are proud of the diversity of this country. We're not shying away from diversity as a strength and equity as a goal and inclusion being the air we breathe. That's what we should be doing. But what we have to be clear about is don't take the bait. It boggles my damn mind that in the midst of a military takeover our cities and the attempt to go into others, the flaunting of the rule of law, the cruelness and the unconstitutional nature of the way they're attacking our neighbors that the press finds the need to talk about, oh, there's a division in the Democratic Party. There's a division in my damn house and we're still married and things are good. That's life.”
True.
“Think of how easy it would be to be a damn Republican. Oh, what? What should I wear today? This stupid freaking red hat. What should I say today? I don't know. Just make sure it's cruel. Who do we listen to? That guy. Oh, the felon in the White House. Yeah, listen to him and that will be fine.”
If you could switch off the thinking part of your brain and become MAGA, like some kind of Eternal Sunshine of the MAGA Mind, would you do it? It’s probably like floating in a sensory deprivation tank all the time!
Also, does anybody else ever think about how it’s harder to imagine yourself having the brain of somebody dumb than it is to imagine yourself being smarter? Smarter is easy! I would do my own taxes, learn a couple more languages, my Wonkette pieces would have no typos, and I’d understand what Walz meant about the ankles. But trying to imagine yourself MAGA-level dumb, worshipping Trump and jizzing with joy every time he opens his mouth? It’s easier to try to imagine what a dog is thinking.
Anyway, Tim Walz continued:
“I always get in trouble for it and I'll continue to say it, I don't think we do any favors when we don't name it — these are fascist policies.”
Yes, they are. Get in trouble for saying it, though, really? If you get “in trouble” for being honest with who you’re married to, probably you should go to couple’s therapy, at the least.
Next up, Illinois Governor JB Pritzker, who told Trump to stay the fuck out of Chicago. Trump announced on Friday that Chicago and New York were next on his National Guard invasion list, and The Washington Post reports that the Pentagon has drawn up actual plans to invade Chicago. Boy is that wild to type!
Watch the whole thing, he’s 🔥, and here is the transcript:
“What President Trump is doing is unprecedented and unwarranted. It is illegal. It is unconstitutional. It is un-American.
“No one from the White House or the executive branch has reached out to me or to the mayor. No one has reached out to our staffs. No effort has been made to coordinate or to ask for our assistance in identifying any actions that might be helpful to us. Local law enforcement has not been contacted. We have made no requests for federal intervention. None.”
This is starting to sound like an “if I go missing or dead” letter.
“This is about the president of the United States and his complicit lackey, Stephen Miller, searching for ways to lay the groundwork to circumvent our democracy, militarize our cities and end elections.”
YES! More people should call out that waxy little freak!
The top points to bring up with your MAGA mom on your next road trip: Eight out of 10 states with the highest homicide rates are governed by Republicans. And Mayor Brandon Johnson also noted that Chicago does not rank among the top 25 most dangerous cities in the country.
Let’s move on to Maryland Governor Wes Moore’s social media feud with Trump! Love him, great governor, but if he gets my city of Baltimore invaded by a bunch of chodes in 14-ton trucks because he pissed off Trump by Tweet … well, still couldn’t blame him for that, really. It seems inevitable that it was going to happen anyway, it has been Trump’s game plan since 1.0, and we said so ourselves in January.
PREVIOUSLY!
But man is that going to be wild. Twelve O’Clock Boys, stand back and stand by! We’ve civil-warred before, and can do it again. Fire up the Shot Tower! Man the crab cannons and spray up your beehive!
The Daily Beast headline sums it up: “Trump, 79, Melts Down at Being Challenged to a Walk by Dem, 46: The president fumed that Maryland Gov. Wes Moore’s invitation to perform light cardio was ‘nasty and provocative.’”
Moore’s been expertly calling out Trump’s fascist takeover on TV and online for a while, and he most recently triggered Dear Leader by sending him a letter inviting him to come take a walk in Baltimore.
Trump took to his glitchy hellsite to fume:
Like it’s Trump’s personal money! And crime is down in Maryland and Baltimore and etc etc.
And then…
That man’s brain is falling apart in front of our eyes.
Deathbed! It’s a deathbed! I already died three times today! The old man sure has deathbeds on his mind a lot lately.
Anyway, we are still waiting on a ruling in federal court in California on whether the regime violated the Posse Comitatus Act. Which they very clearly did. And then after the judge almost surely rules in California’s favor that the military should get the fuck out of the state, we will see how a certain Supreme Court Six either puts this shit on ice or (sadly more likely) makes up new laws to let the dictatorship keep on doing whatever it wants.
But Medicaid, Medicaid, tariffs, tariffs!
[AP / Daily Beast archive link / Washington Post gift link]
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I live in Baltimore and I was murdered twice last week, three times today in fact.
So glad to see Wes Moore getting some flowers too, it's been hard finding commentary on him. Also good to see them step up and not cede the airwaves to Newsom.
In addition, it is important to note that the pricktator is specifically attacking cities with Black leadership that are opposed to him. Note he's not attacking Eric Adams or waving a bloody shirt about him; he's going to be joined in the fight against Mamdani.