The Supreme Court did release one good opinion on Friday, not that it makes up for even a tiny fraction of all the crap, but we’re taking our victories where we can get them. (Which at the moment, which due to the vagaries of the publishing continuum is Friday afternoon, is on the porch with a nice cocktail.)
Late on Friday afternoon, SCOTUS rejected Steve Bannon’s long-shot bid to stay out of prison pending any more appeals he can file on whatever specious grounds he and his lawyers can dream up in between his daily kitten flensings.
The walking crusted ass lesion must report to FCI Danbury in Connecticut by Monday to serve his four-month sentence for defying a congressional subpoena, and quite frankly, being a real dick about it. Expect plenty of breast-beating and declarations of martyrdom right up to the moment he walks through the prison gates.
The Daily Beast reports that Bannon is actually nervous about his upcoming time in the pokey. Maybe not “I’m a poor and terrified migrant who may never see my children again after Border Patrol tore them away from me thanks to that inhumane family separation policy Bannon helped dream up, may he rot in hell” nervous, but nervous nonetheless:
Bannon is set to spend four months at FCI Danbury—a low-level prison in Connecticut where he’ll be housed alongside criminals convicted of sexual and violent crimes. The source said that’s something Bannon is “quite concerned with.”
Bannon has to go to this low-level prison instead of some even lower level camp like Peter Navarro is cooling his heels in for four months. That is because Bannon is a criminal defendant in an upcoming trial over charges he defrauded investors in his “We Build the Wall” scam and so has a separate criminal detainer on him. Maybe he can think of this as a sort of practice incarceration
He’s expected to surrender to prison on Monday with the help of his prison consultant, Sam Mangel, who also counts Trump’s locked up pal Peter Navarro as a client.
HA HA HA HA, Steve Bannon watched Get Hard and thought it was a documentary.
Of course Bannon could have avoided all this if he had simply cooperated with the January 6 investigation. Hell, he could have avoided this if he’d simply shown up in front of the investigating committee two years ago, pled the Fifth to every single question, and walked back out. Then he could have gone down the street to the basement lair where he records his War Room podcast for like 117 hours a week and bragged about how he spit in the face of the Deep State until his heart exploded.
It’s not as if there was any principle behind his actions beyond puffing out his chest and hooting like a syphilitic gorilla. But no, he wanted the martyrdom so he gets the martyrdom.
Do we sound as if we’re enjoying this? We are not enjoying this. We would be very happy to have never heard of Steve Bannon, to live our entire life in blissful ignorance of the existence of this sentient infected pustule who seems to think he is some sort of freedom fighter fighting the oppressive regime of … Joe Biden.
But he keeps insisting he is going to force his fascist vision on America with his Stupid Guy Fawkes routine, so we have to keep paying attention. And cheering when he suffers even a teeny, tiny amount of consequences for being criminal garbage.
Wonkette cannot hire our prison consultant without the generous support of our readers.
Geeze, martyrdom sucks when there are actual consequences, eh Puffy?
"Jesus, man up. I didn't need any goddam 'prison consultant.'"
-Martha Fuckin' Stewart