Supreme Court: F*ck You (The Unhoused), F*ck You (The Government), F*ck You (You). Jan. 6 Rioters ... You're Cool.

There is no way to polish these turds.

Gifts from SCOTUS. Photo by Kenny Eliason on Unsplash

Oh boy did the Supreme Court leave some smelly turds in the litterbox today. Already this week we’ve had dirty air, dirty money, federal agencies losing regulatory powers, gee, how much worse can it get? Welp, it’s always the darkest before it turns pitch black. It’s now okay to criminalize homelessness. Fuck the regulatory powers of government agencies. And those January 6 rioters, they weren’t obstructing an official proceeding, because they did not touch documents or records, or some bullshit. This whole term has been a Project 2025-ers wet dream, and the rest of it including Trump Shooting Biden on 5th Avenue vs. No will come on Monday. Christ, we’re so tired.

The first case they dumped was about fining and/or imprisoning people for being unhoused, and you know a certain six justices are all for that. In City of Grants Pass Oregon vs. Johnson et al., on Behalf of Themselves and Others Similarly Situated, the city wanted the power to fine unhoused people for violating its “public camping” ordinance, and imprison them for 30 days after they racked up a certain number of violations, even if there’s no shelter space for them.

In Grants Pass, Oregon, there’s too few beds for the city’s unhoused population of about 600, so they’ve been camping. Johnson et al. argued that the fining and/or imprisonment was a violation of the Eighth Amendment’s whole “cruel and unusual” thing, and that unhoused people were being punished for their status. In a 6-3 ruling (you already know which six), the Court said no it wasn’t, because people get fines and go to jail all the time, that’s NBD. Wrote Gorsuch, “it makes no difference whether the charged defendant is currently a person experiencing homelessness, a backpacker on vacation, or a student who abandons his dorm room to camp out in protest on the lawn of a municipal building.” Oh, they would definitely love to lock up some student protestors. BUT WAIT! Shouldn’t unhoused dudes and ladies have to get a jury trial before they are fined? We heard that somewhere, yesterday, it was the Supreme Court.

Supreme Court: This Place Could Use More Fraud And Pollution!

Next, OH FUCK, now Chevron deference is overruled, in a massive power grab for the judiciary, and a huge crap on decades of precedent. Say goodbye to government regulatory agencies being able to regulate anything! Even with the lowest expectations for this corrupt court, this is still disappointing. Fuck your federal agencies, fuck your precedent, and don’t forget to tip your six conservative justices, who were definitely not swayed in this opinion by luxury fishing trips with billionaires, and definitely did not discuss this at any retreats at Bohemian Grove! It’s only bribery if you write “THIS IS A BRIBE” in the subject line of the check! 

Loper Bright Enterprises v. Raimondo and Relentless v. Dept. of Commerce asked whether federal agencies are the experts at determining federal law, or are judges? Is the National Labor Relations Board an expert on labor relations? Is the National Marine Fisheries Service an expert on fishing? No, we’d better leave the details to Judge Ho of the Fifth Circuit, or better yet Matthew Kacsmaryk. 

The absolute balls-out pomposity of Chief Justice John Roberts here:

“Chevron’s presumption is misguided because agencies have no special competence in resolving statutory ambiguities. Courts do.”

Sure, if going out on a billionaire’s yacht makes you an expert in marine wildlife! How convenient that they just made bribery by post-dated check legal on Wednesday. And this will go nicely with the air pollution that they gifted us yesterday.

Justice Elena Kagan’s ass-scorching dissent says it best:

“Today, the majority does not respect that judgment. It gives courts the power to make all manner of scientific and technical judgments. It gives courts the power to make all manner of policy calls, including about how to weigh competing goods and values. (See Chevron itself.) It puts courts at the apex of the administrative process as to every conceivable subject—because there are always gaps and ambiguities in regulatory statutes, and often of great import. What actions can be taken to address climate change or other environmental challenges? What will the Nation’s health-care system look like in the coming decades? Or the financial or transportation systems? What rules are going to constrain the development of A.I.? In every sphere of current or future federal regulation, expect courts from now on to play a commanding role. It is not a role Congress has given to them, in the APA or any other statute.” 

Welp, if Trump gets elected and fires every bureaucrat who doesn’t sign a purity pledge, guess there really won’t be any experts left anyway.

INTERESTINGLY this position is a 180 for Thomas, who wrote the exact opposite in his opinion for National Cable & Telecommunications Association, et al. v. Brand X Internet Services, et al., holding that Chevron was great and the FCC should follow it. Surely his vote was not bought and paid for, his opinion just coincidentally evolved, sometime after his billionaire friends started funding his entire lifestyle.

And JESUS FUCKING CHRIST, next they overturned Fischer vs. US. Joseph Fischer is a former Boston police officer, and here you can watch him trying to beat Capitol Police officers with a flag while screaming in their faces. Sure looks like he was trying to obstruct something there! But he didn’t tamper with any records, so it’s fine. Roberts wrote this 5-4 decision, in which Amy Boney Carrot, oddly, wrote the dissent.

Joseph Fischer, taking a peaceful tour

Roberts:

“To prove a violation of Section 1512(c)(2), the Government must establish that the defendant impaired the availability or integrity for use in an official proceeding of records, documents, objects, or as we earlier explained, other things used in the proceeding.”

We’re going to go to the Google and copy-and-paste Section 1512(c)(2) for you right here, because we can fucking read:

(c) Whoever corruptly—

(1) alters, destroys, mutilates, or conceals a record, document, or other object, or attempts to do so, with the intent to impair the object’s integrity or availability for use in an official proceeding; or

(2) otherwise obstructs, influences, or impedes any official proceeding, or attempts to do so,

shall be fined under this title or imprisoned not more than 20 years, or both.

Did you catch that up there? It says “or.” You don’t have to hide Trump’s stolen nuclear secrets to be guilty. You can also “otherwise obstruct[,] influence[,] or impede[] any official proceeding, or attempt[] to do so.”

John Roberts is unutterably full of shit.

This is a gift to more than 350 rioters who were charged under this statute, including 27 who are sitting in prison right now. And of course it’s a big gift to the obstructor in chief, that rapist fraudster former president.

The rest of the turds shall be sharted Monday, and is it too early to start drinking? We don’t even drink any more, but maybe now would be a good time to take it up again. Okay, no, it wouldn’t be, all of us decent and sane people are going to need every one of our remaining brain cells and all of our energy to fight the hellscape that is to come. As long as we’re alive there is hope! Right? Right??

I will not drink with you today! I will sigh a lot, and then I will get back to work being my best self to fight evil!

SIGH.