Nikki Snyder Might Keep Singing At Innocent People Until You Make Her Michigan's Senator

Michigan is faced with a tough choice here.

Dec 12, 2023

Republicans aren’t sending their best to Michigan’s US Senate race. There’s James Craig, former Detroit chief of police who ran for governor but was disqualified because his campaign allegedly submitted fraudulent signatures on the nominating petitions. Former House Rep. Peter Meijer has entered the race but his own party wants to hang him like a common Mike Pence. Mike Rogers, another former Congress member, has gone full MAGA in pursuit of the nomination. Next up is Nikki Snyder, a registered nurse and a member of the Michigan State Board of Education.

Furthering my commitment to providing you with all relevant news, no matter the personal cost, I watched her campaign launch video. After a full minute of the typical “Washington is broken” boilerplate, Snyder finally asks, “Who the heck am I?” (This recalls that classic debate moment with Adm. James Stockdale.)

Snyder is your usual terrible Republican who presents herself as a champion of “individual rights” while promoting policies that would marginalize individuals who aren’t like her. She probably needs to distinguish herself a bit more from the other Republican primary candidates, so she dropped this spot on the generic social media site last week where she literally sings (in the loosest definition of the word). “Shield your eyes, Frank.”

The obvious question is why is she singing and what did anyone do to deserve this?

Here are the lyrics, in case your ear drums exploded before you could process them.

“I’m just a small town girl from a UP town …”

(She grew up in the Upper Peninsula town of Marquette, which is considered up-and-coming.)

“Daughter of a union man and a mom with a plan.”

Republicans are overtly anti-union, and they aren’t that into “plans,” either, unless they’re coup-related.

“I’ve been beat broke down and assaulted too.”

Snyder was reportedly sexually assaulted by a former boss, which is awful. That’s all I have to say. (No, please don’t comment about how Republicans are awful about sexual assault, etc.)

“Just go home little girl though they all know it’s true. It’s a damn shame what the powerful do.”

OK, so this is apparently her spin on “Rich Men North Of Richmond.” It’s even set to the same tune if you are generous enough to believe the original had one. While that song’s author, Oliver Anthony, didn’t have much of a coherent political philosophy, Snyder is attempting to dress herself in the false robes of a working-class champion. It is a “damn shame what the powerful do,” but when Michigan’s State Board of Education took a stand against book bans in June, Snyder and Tom McMillin were the only members who voted against the resolution.

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“If they’re coming for me, they’re coming for you.”

This self-obsessed paranoid delusion is a logical fallacy that Donald Trump and his Republican enablers have turned into a rallying cry. It’s unclear who is “coming” for Snyder, whom you probably only just learned existed.

“I’m just trying to stand up and make it not true but it is.”

Then she goes on about “fat catales in congressional seats.” I don’t know what that means. I assume she meant “fat cats,” but that doesn’t rhyme with “seats” so she just faked the funk. (That’ll make your nose grow!) The “fat catales” are “pimping on corporate welfare” and “wanna know what you think and want to know what you do.” Here’s where I drop the hardly shocking twist that Snyder is a member of Moms for Liberty, a far-right group that definitely wants to control what you think and do.

Snyder’s campaign spokesperson, Michael Stroud, claims the central Michigan mother “lives on a dirt road with three kids, 26 chickens and a whole lot of American pride.” I’d like to think no one would fall for this BS, but I’m not that optimistic.

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