Nobody Loves Raymond's Wife. Tabs, Tues., Apr. 28, 2026
Shut up, MAGA.
Good morning, here are these tabs!
The loser mom from Everybody Loves Raymond, Patricia Heaton, who is famously MAGA, has some real dumbass thoughts about the WHCA shooting.
Oh shut the fuck up, Patty Heaton, you white conservative asshole. We call Donald Trump and MAGA fascists/dangerous/threats to democracy because they fucking are those things, verifiably, according to the real definitions of words, you fucking brain-addled lunatic. And saying that out loud isn’t tantamount to “hoping someone would assassinate them.” Fuck you.
And don’t you dare goddamned tell us what would make our country better.
And that is what we have to say to Patricia Heaton about that.
Speaking of unfortunate people who are MAGA, the New York Times has a whole story about how Google co-founder Sergey Brin is even more of a piece of shit than he used to be, due to his newfound MAGA. [New York Times]
Here is Jimmy Kimmel’s full response to Melania getting mad about a joke he told on TV last week and trying to blame him for what happened at the WHCD.
Wonkette will have a full post on all that first thing this morning, like right after this!
After that, Jimmy did an interview with Jon Lovett from Crooked Media and it was entertaining.
If you have not gotten around to this amazingly mean Vanity Fair article about Bari Weiss’s biggest failure so far at CBS News, namely her star anchor Tony Dokoupil, it is full of HISSSSSSS from CBS staffers, and it is awesome. We will probably write more about it later. [Vanity Fair]
Guess who hates Drunky Pete? The Republican senators who voted to confirm him. No one could have predicted he’d turn out like this! [The Hill]
Opposition forces in Israel are joining up to try to get rid of the tyrant Netanyahu in the next elections, later this year. They’re not great, but Netanyahu is a complete and utter monster, so fuckin’ finally. [New York Times]
Meanwhile, Israelis are back in the streets protesting Netanyahu. “Overthrow the dictator!” they are saying. [Haaretz]
Smart law person Chris Geidner is having a hard time picking his jaw off the floor in reaction to the Truth Social post of a legal brief Trump’s DOJ just filed in his ballroom case. [Law Dork]
Here’s your new newsletter at my other joint! “Trump Reading Bible Aloud Is Exactly The Asshol-ish Behavior Jesus Was Talking About.” Come read and subscribe! [The Moral High Ground]
Prefer a non-Substack subscription? The button below will take any amount of your choosing at Paypal — let me know if you want the newsletter subscription too! they’re separate! — or we have a Patreon too.
Texas Tech has banned talking about LGBTQ+ topics, researching them, studying them, and … yeah. In related news, apparently Texas Tech isn’t a real college anymore. [The Advocate]
Are Russian soldiers eating each other in Eastern Ukraine? Um, well. Sounds like it! Vladimir Putin can’t feed his military, Secretary Shitfaced can’t feed his military … [Kyiv Post]
New Tori Amos record comes out Friday, y’all. Number … 17? And from what we’ve heard, it is GOOD. It’s called In Times Of Dragons, and as usual for her, it is heavy on myth and allegory, following an alternate path where “Tori” marries somebody who sounds an awful lot like Peter Thiel — a “lizard demon,” she calls him — and has to find her way to navigating through these dark political times, which includes leaving his ass. Read this Paper interview with her. [Paper]
And watch this interview with Noah Michelson from HuffPost, who one of the characters on the record — the gay witch — is based off of. (He is like the original Tori fan, not counting me, of course. But they are friends and such.)
And then watch these videos of the songs that have been released so far:
OK, enough tabs!
Want to read more Evan than just what’s at Wonkette? Visit The Moral High Ground and subscribe to it!
Follow me on Instagram!
And on BlueSky!
And on Facebook!
Heh-heh-heh... 69. But like seriously, that's how old Fatou (hed gif gorilla) is this year. https://martiniambassador.substack.com/p/fatou-celebrates-69
And here is your hed gif: https://open.substack.com/chat/posts/72c5c87d-ac3f-4858-b59f-59ac91d22053
What pisses me off most about that stupid man trying to shoot the orange cancer is that it gives all kinds of ammunition to bad faith arguments about how "the left is the real Hitler." I mean, they were always going to gloss over the fact that rightwing extremists are responsible for the majority of violent politically-based actions in the US, but still... Whatever that guy thought he was going to accomplish, he fucking failed and apparently doesn't understand how martyr creation works (see Kirk, Charlie).