Nobody Sadder About Hunter's Conviction Than Trump
Quashed conspiracy theories bad for grifting business.
Hunter Biden’s federal conviction on gun-paperwork charges has created a massive HERP DERP WHUT in Rightwingistan, undercutting that whole RIGGED JUSTICE SYSTEM conspiracy theory they’ve been grinding so hard at for years now as a way to deflect from how their fraud-rapist-felon Lord and Savior Donald J. Trump is a one-man crime spree.
LIKE SO!
The nice thing about conspiracy theories is that no facts can ever prove them false. Hunter gets off? DOJ IS WEAPONIZED! Hunter gets convicted? DOJ IS WEAPONIZED! How? Yawn, we never cared that much about Hunter anyway. Oh hey, look over there, is that a bird?
“The Hunter Biden gun conviction is kinda dumb tbh,” Tweeted Matt Gaetz, known Man of Honor and Integrity. But some conspiracy theories get old ladies to open their pocketbooks more readily than others, and Team Trump knows Hunter actually going to prison ain’t it. How’s Trump going to rout out all that Biden corruption when Biden is doing it already?!
The New York Times (gift link) paints a picture of the Trump campaign deflated by Hunter’s convictions like “a shriveling balloon,” ensaddened that they didn’t get a non-guilty verdict to spin into conspiracy-theory-grift gold:
A person with knowledge of the Trump campaign’s fund-raising plans, who spoke on the condition of anonymity, said there had been discussions about how much an acquittal would help Mr. Trump, potentially raising tens of millions of additional dollars as they planned to cite it as more evidence the justice system was rigged.
They put a whole lot of eggs in the Hunter Biden conspiracy-theory basket, but now those eggs are in a pickle.
During the final 11 days of the 2020 campaign, Mr. Trump referred to Hunter Biden more than five dozen times at rallies, during interviews and in social media posts. Instead of focusing on an argument for why he deserved a second term, he repeatedly posted the question, “Where’s Hunter?”
“It’s treason, or whatever you want to call it,” Mr. Trump said on the last day of the 2020 race. “We caught the whole thing. The son — where’s Hunter? Where’s Hunter?”
Now that he knows where Hunter is, the 34-times-convicted felon has been unusually muted about Hunter’s conviction, making no comments himself and only posting a video to his failing website of a manically flailing Don Junior ranting about how Hunter’s case was a “decoy” to “make it seem like there’s equal justice under the law, but it’s all nonsense,” and posting a statement from campaign secretary Karoline Leavitt.
Oh look, it’s the Goebbels projection playbook all the way down, as usual! Do we need to repeat how Hunter quit his consulting job in early 2019 to avoid even the appearance of impropriety, while Trump tried to extort Ukraine for Hunter Biden dirt in a quid pro quo for weapons, and we had a whole impeachment about it? How Ivanka negotiated 18 fast-tracked trademarks with China, including for coffins, voting machines, and sausage casings, at the very exact same time her daddy was in the middle of trade negotiations with them? Who’s she married to again, and how many billions with a b did he get from the Saudi government six months after leaving the administration? And Russia? Maybe it’s best to not get us started.
Suffice to say, “government access for personal profit” is Trump’s motto. Anyone who paid $200,000 to join his Mar-a-Lago golf motel got access to him, the omelet bar, and the government secrets stashed onstage in the ballroom, and we will never know how many anyones did. Jared got $2 billion from the Saudis right in everybody’s face, but Trumpworld has an active fantasy life about Hunter, so, those two things are practically the exact same!
Even worse for felon Don, the elder Biden seems to genuinely love his son, an unflattering contrast for a guy who told Barbara Walters that he saw little Junior about “once a week,” and reportedly slapped the shit out of him in front of his college friends for not wearing a suit to a baseball game.
Trump may be sadistic, psychotic, unable to enjoy baseball games, and with nothing but anger to contribute to any given conversation, but he does have enough horse sense to know that shitting on former-addict Hunter and his father for tough-loving him is distasteful public-relations-wise, especially in a county where two-thirds of people say they have been affected by addiction. Better to whinge some more about how the DOJ didn’t prosecute Hunter enough for the things that the Trump children actually did.
Hey, speaking of crimes that the Bidens didn’t do and a certain felon actually did, guess who may be committing yet another Class E felony right this minute! Why, it’s old man Trump himself! New York temporarily revoked his gun license when he was arrested in March 2023, and now it’s officially totes all-the-way revoked, on account of him being a felon and all. He was supposed to turn in his three guns, or transfer their ownership, and two have been turned in, but Trump reportedly freely admitted to probation department officials on Monday that the other one is with him in Florida. Being a felon unlawfully in possession of a firearm sure does seem a lot worse than checking the wrong box on a form, just saying.
But, you know them, if it weren’t for double standards, they’d have no standards at all. Oh well, better luck next conspiracy theory.
Wednesday, June 12th, 2024 and the number of threats to jurors, prosecuting attorneys and court employees in the Hunter Biden trial is still zero.
The whole Hunter saga is a great litmus test for people. Normal, decent folks would see it and feel sympathy for the Bidens, particularly Joe, for seeing his only living son self-destruct, while also understanding the pride he feels in his son's recovery. They'd see Joe's showing love for his son, while not showing any special favor towards him with the power of the presidency--he let that shit-heel Garland prosecute his son over a bullshit technicality, FFS, same asshole who couldn't be bothered to go after Trump until he was forced, years too late--and have some sense of contentment that this is the sort of man they have in the White House. Whatever their politics, decent people would feel that mix of sympathy and respect after watching this.
Republicans, of course, took a very different route, because they are instead the sort of people so damaged that any display of familial love is suspect, any sign of restraint is weakness, because they are forever the kid whose face was shoved in a toilet, or the kid doing the toilet shoving, and forever that is how they think.