21 Comments
User's avatar
Spurning Beer's avatar

Scalia, Thomas, and Alito are "hobby lobbyists."

Gherkins d'Resistance's avatar

"Police and a suspect were involved in a lead-based argument today"

Gherkins d'Resistance's avatar

Not aneurysms, no.

"Extreme Vascular Brain Yoga"

Gherkins d'Resistance's avatar

The only thing stopping him is his fear of a good guy with a gun.

Gherkins d'Resistance's avatar

"And while we're at it, calling them '<i>lone</i> gunmen' almost makes it sound like the gun doesn't give them all the joy and love and companionship that we gun owners know guns give us. We should no longer say such things."

Gherkins d'Resistance's avatar

"Why isn’t he equally referred to as the stabber "

Because the overly powerful lobbying group called the Knife Owners Association managed to write all of those really effective editorials.

Gherkins d'Resistance's avatar

When they make a 100 yard long knife can stab kids from all the way across a parking lot, then I'll consider worrying about knives, you word-cheapening murder-apologist enabler fuck.

ViveLaProtestPayments's avatar

I would make a tiny-Johnson joke here but I do not wish to invoke the wrath of any gun-humpers who might be stalking the Wonkette comment section that does not exist.

But if it pleases the penis-challenged among us to refute the conventional wisdom that gun fondlers tend to be under-endowed, by all means go ahead.

Dashboard Buddha's avatar

Or take a break, Driver 8.

Chris Grrr's avatar

We have also been conditioned to fear despots with nuclear weapons...

Spurning Beer's avatar

Mass shootings will henceforth be known as "crowd piercings."

artem1s's avatar

NRA, today of all days? really, you are trolling us now, right? trying to give us all aneurisms?

Spurning Beer's avatar

Shooters will be termed "entry wound installers."

Spotts1701, Taking Bible Guns's avatar

From this point forward, "guns" will be "injectors" and "shootings" will be "injections". So sayeth the Ministry of the NRA.

PubOption's avatar

And from whence he speaks.

Spurning Beer's avatar

Cool. I'm a "liver athlete."