21 Comments

Scalia, Thomas, and Alito are "hobby lobbyists."

Expand full comment

"Police and a suspect were involved in a lead-based argument today"

Expand full comment

Not aneurysms, no.

"Extreme Vascular Brain Yoga"

Expand full comment

The only thing stopping him is his fear of a good guy with a gun.

Expand full comment

"And while we're at it, calling them '<i>lone</i> gunmen' almost makes it sound like the gun doesn't give them all the joy and love and companionship that we gun owners know guns give us. We should no longer say such things."

Expand full comment

"Why isn’t he equally referred to as the stabber "

Because the overly powerful lobbying group called the Knife Owners Association managed to write all of those really effective editorials.

Expand full comment

When they make a 100 yard long knife can stab kids from all the way across a parking lot, then I'll consider worrying about knives, you word-cheapening murder-apologist enabler fuck.

Expand full comment

I would make a tiny-Johnson joke here but I do not wish to invoke the wrath of any gun-humpers who might be stalking the Wonkette comment section that does not exist.

But if it pleases the penis-challenged among us to refute the conventional wisdom that gun fondlers tend to be under-endowed, by all means go ahead.

Expand full comment

Or take a break, Driver 8.

Expand full comment

We have also been conditioned to fear despots with nuclear weapons...

Expand full comment

Mass shootings will henceforth be known as "crowd piercings."

Expand full comment

NRA, today of all days? really, you are trolling us now, right? trying to give us all aneurisms?

Expand full comment

Shooters will be termed "entry wound installers."

Expand full comment

From this point forward, "guns" will be "injectors" and "shootings" will be "injections". So sayeth the Ministry of the NRA.

Expand full comment

And from whence he speaks.

Expand full comment

Cool. I'm a "liver athlete."

Expand full comment