Oh Fiddlesticks, Did Trump Find Out Alina Habba Was Only Faking Smart?
Oh Fiddlesticks, Did Trump Find Out Alina Habba Was Only Faking Smart?
And did he just fire her in a tweet?
Why do we ask if Donald Trump found out Alina Habba was only faking smart, and wasn’t in actuality the experienced litigator she seems like on TV?
The text, which needs to be appreciated in toto (that’s funny Latin talk, not a confusing reference to The Wizard Of Oz):
I am in the process, along with my team, of interviewing various law firms to represent me in an Appeal of one of the most ridiculous and unfair Witch Hunts our Country has ever seen - The defamation Sham presided over by a Clinton appointed, highly partisan, Trump Hating Judge, Lewis Kaplan, who was, together with certain other Radical Left Democrat Judges, one of the most partisan and out of control activists that I have ever appeared before. He was a “bully” who demanded two trials, rather than one, denied me Due Process, would not allow me to put forth vital evidence (of which there was much!), and only allowed me to be on the witness stand for minutes, telling my lawyer what to ask, and telling me to only give one word answers, as his wife and friends sat in cordoned off front row seats watching with glee. This entire HOAX is a disgrace to our American System of Justice. Any lawyer who takes a TRUMP CASE is either “CRAZY,” or a TRUE AMERICAN PATRIOT. I will make my decision soon!
Oh damn. Does that mean what it seems like it means?
But didn’t Habba say she was “just getting started,” right after the $83.3 million E. Jean Carroll verdict came down? And did she mean she had only begun to lose cases for Trump? Will she still be able to do that?
We guess Trump could be trying to find lawyers of equal caliber to Habba to join her on his Elite Strike Force. But one thing we know for sure is that Trump starts with dogshit lawyers and then trades down. Nobody who’s anybody or who is good at life wants to work for him, and if they don’t know it now, they figure it out eventually. So Trump “interviewing various law firms” is about as valuable as saying he’s opened up the yellow pages to see which lawyers have a full-page ad and then narrowing them down by which ones have boobies.
We guess we’ll find out if Habba is totally fired. She deserves it, obviously, after the shit she just pulled.
It took literally about two hours yesterday for Habba to completely back off her bullshit about there being an imaginary “conflict of interest” between Judge Lewis Kaplan and E. Jean Carroll’s lawyer Roberta Kaplan (no relation). Roberta Kaplan had sent a letter to the court saying Habba could fuck off, in response to Habba’s dumbshit letter to the court that she had found some more homework she’d like to turn in late, in the form of these allegations that over 30 years ago, the judge and the opposing counsel were CAHOOTSIN’.
Habba’s flimsy evidence, which she SWORE was real, was that some source allegedly told the New York Post’s intrepid journalism department that Lew Kaplan was Robbie Kaplan’s “mentor” when they were both at the same gigantic law firm. And some abject idiots like Greta Van Susteren and Byron York appeared to buy it. But everybody else was like LOL fuck off.
Kaplan’s letter to the court at least highly highly insinuated that Habba herself might have been the bullshit source for the New York Post’s intrepid journalism department. In her own frantic new letter, two hours after Kaplan’s, Alina Habba was like NO NO NO NO NO NO, what I meant to say is that I will fuck off now and climb into a sewer.
She flatly denied being the secret fake source for any Watergate-grade scandals uncovered by the New York Post, which is in the business of uncovering things like that. (See: LaPtOp.)
She backed all the way away from accusations of an improper relationship between the judge and Carroll’s counsel.
And she said, well, since Roberta Kaplan denied it, “this issue has been seemingly resolved.” Alina Habba will see herself out and go to hell now, may it please the Court!
Did we mention that in Kaplan’s letter, she threatened to invoke her right to seek sanctions against Habba, for aggravated trifling bullshit? That seems pertinent.
And that was that!
So did Trump just fire Alina Habba in a tweet? And if so do we think he’s already paid her any of his legal fees in advance? No, or hahahahahaha Jesus fuck no?
The punchline will be written sometime today, we reckon.
YESTERDAY!
Evan Hurst on Twitter right here.
@evanjosephhurst on Threads!
I have profiles those other places but I think I forgot how to log on.
If you're shopping on Amazon anyway, this portal gives us a small commission.
He is aware that Lionel Hutz is a cartoon, right?
"Trump “interviewing various law firms” is about as valuable as saying he’s opened up the yellow pages to see which lawyers have a full-page ad and then narrowing them down by which ones have boobies." HAHAHA, good one!