Our Old Friend Hairball Joe DiGenova Is Back, Y'All
And it’s about to get real trippy.
So, U GUYS, remember the pair of married lawyers once known around here as The Hairballs? A couple of very-pro-Russian-position-shall-we-say lawyers, Joe DiGenova and his flame-haired wife Victoria Toensing, whose Trump involvement goes at least all the way back to owning the law firm that employed Lev Parnas and Igor Fruman, Rudy Giuliani’s close pals who in 2019 got arrested on campaign finance charges en route to Vienna, Austria, to help set up an interview between Sean Hannity and Viktor Shokin, the corrupt former Ukrainian prosecutor at the heart of the HUNTER BIDEN BURISMA DONG campaign?
Hang on to your tinfoil beanies, because those two are BACK! The mister, anyway, who was sworn in on Monday as a counselor to the attorney general. His official role shall be as the voice of reason for Trump’s 2020 RIGGED STOLEN ELECTION space laser 2026 Revenge Tour, soon to be featuring Burisma and who knows what all else, lumped together and now and from henceforth to be known to all as “The Grand Conspiracy.”
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DiGenova made this announcement to Greg Kelly on Newsmax, for whom he is a frequent contributor, and the fart-sniffing was peak.
HOST GREG KELLY: We have congratulations to share with Joe diGenova. Good luck, Joe. Did you hear? He’s got a big gig at the Department of Justice. One of our favorite guests on this show will be counselor to the attorney general. That is a big-deal role.
No lies detected so far.
Now, formally, what does it actually entail? He’ll advise on legal policy and enforcement. He’s going to work out of Florida. The US attorney is down there. Fort Pierce, Florida, courthouse.
Sounds like good place for a guy to be so he and Judge Aileen Cannon can work to protect the minions of a certain resident there from any consequences of their actions!
He was a US attorney himself in the 1980s under Ronald Reagan.
He is 81, older than even Trump! But 80 is the new 60 when you LONGEVITYMAXX, we hear. And whatever he’s been taking, he can push George Soros-y Deep State stolen-election conspiracy theories with the strength of a man half his age, with such virility that even Fox News got freaked out about liability after more than 90 of his appearances. Not Newsmax, though.
KELLY: He is a superstar, and he knows about the corruption. He knows about the swamp. He knows what they did to President Trump.
DiGenova sure knows even more than most anybody else about what kind of quid pro quo Trump tried to cook up in Ukraine, because his own filthy fingers were all up in it! Trump was even going to hire Joe and his missus to be lawyers for his first impeachment over that PITCH PERFECT PHONE CALL, until it became clear that Joe’s involvement in the whole affair created a conflict.
KELLY: You know what I love about Joe? He thinks creatively, ethically, honestly, but creatively. And he’s aggressive. Too many people here — oh, no, Trump is crazy. They don’t want to touch him with a 10-foot-pole. However you feel about President Trump, he was a victim. And Joe is so fired up for this role. All right. He’s going to be in the middle of it all. And he was very frustrated with Pam Bondi, who’s no longer going to be his boss.
It sounds more like Bondi didn’t care to have him, but whatever.
Other Joe DiGenova hits include apologizing after telling former Homeland Security Department cybersecurity chief Chris Krebs that he should be “taken out at dawn and shot”; for ranting nonstop in 2024 and appearing to threaten the jurors in Trump’s criminal fraud trial; and in 2019, he urged Fox viewers to go buy guns because there was going to be civil war. Newsmax never stopped lovin’ it.
And so, just as trendspotter Evan McGillicuddy Hurst foretold back in January was to be, so it shall: The media, the world, your ass, none of them are ready for whatever Obama Switzerland John Brennan CIA FBI cash pallet stollen Dominion voting machine toad-licking African-shrub-chomping WIRETAPPPP madness is about to emerge next, now that Trump is getting increasingly desperate to steal the midterms by any means necessary so Congress doesn’t come along with clippers to neuter his Democracy-fucking agenda.
1-900-TOLD-YOU
Gerrymandering, trying to poke into state voter databases to hand-pick their voters, trying to bully the Senate into passing the SAVE Act, Tulsi Gabbard’s toenails stomping around Fulton County Georgia and demanding 2024 election records from Wayne County Michigan … whatever it is, Trump will have one of each! And Joe diGenova is fixing to be the babysitter for whatever collective trip we’re all about to embark on.
Man, we thought shit was crazy enough back then, but Trump 1.0 was just a few roaches working their mandibles on the toothpaste and lolling in the sink compared to what was behind the walls. First term, Trump had to keep a certain cadre of legitimate-seeming people around him to maintain the reluctant support of establishment Republicans, who had been at the cusp of dumping him as their candidate a mere month before the 2016 election after his leaked locker room talk with George and Jeb’s cousin Billy. The freaknut nominees Trump surely would have preferred would never have gotten confirmed by Congress, and stymied if he back-footed them in. Now the idea of Rudy Giuliani as head of the DOJ (if he had a law license, that is), given the clown show that is today, we would almost cradle that freak to our bosom. Well, no, but point is, different times, and back then Trump had to make do with the relatively more uncreative, unaggressive likes of Attorney General Bill Barr.
So many greasy little skittering feet! When we saw Michael Cohen frantically arranging a legal squaredance wherein Daryl Dongerson and Peggy Peterpumper and David Pecker and Karen McDougal all do-se-doed with some money in exchange for the life rights to a certain secret that they all had shared, then allemanded away to go be a two-time president, a magazine lifestyle columnist, and a stripper/brave witness, all respectively, and said to ourselves, that was some of the craziest shit we ever saw.
Oh, how we had no idea. And with lawyers Victoria Toensing and Joe diGenova saddling up their hairballs to ride down for a final shootout, the yugest batch of crazy of all time is headed to town.
Meanwhile on 19th Century Fox...
Sen. Joni Ernst: "He is the president of peace"
https://bsky.app/profile/atrupar.com/post/3mk3j4astjj2u
Gee Phony Joni...I got a feeling those 160 slaughtered kids would disagree about that...
What a cute couple! Darling!