Pam Bondi And Lindsey Halligan Say Judges Not Their Real Dad, Cannot Tell Them What To Do
New law filing from the law knowers just dropped.
In November, US District Judge Cameron Currie threw out the politically motivated, poorly written, and thinly predicated indictments of James Comey and New York Attorney General Letitia James, because the appointment of Lindsey Halligan as US Attorney for the Eastern District of Virginia (EDVA) was flatly illegal. They didn’t even get as far as judges laughing at the indictments themselves where the US attorney from Baywatch tried to sound out some words she had somehow gotten a grand jury to sign off on saying Comey and James were guilty of BIG CRIMES she made up to accuse them of.
As we noted at the time, if there had been a prosecutor in THE ENTIRE BUILDING willing to sign their names on Halligan’s “My First Prosecution” Dream Indictments of Comey and James, they might have survived this. Unfortunately the only people there that day were real lawyers with self-respect.
So the question was, would Halligan continue showing up for work wearing the US Attorney Barbie clothes her mom bought for her, driving her official US Attorney-mobile, clack-clack-clacking around the EDVA office and pointing at stuffed animals and saying “You’re indicted!” and “Go to jail, buster!” and all other manner of things real US attorneys do? Or would she, haha, just kidding, you already know she did the thing with the stuffed animals.
An angry DOJ, the one led by incompetent windsock Attorney General Pam Bondi (who Donald Trump hates now because she is so stupid and bad at covering up the Epstein Child Rape Files), has just angrily responded to a judge’s demand that they explain how it is not a false statement that Lindsey Halligan is in their courtroom wearing a hat that says “World’s Best Blue Ribbon US Attorney,” considering how that is factually not true. Their response? IS TOO TRUE! You see, DOJ says when that judge ruled Halligan’s appointment was illegal, they only meant for those two cases.
Which makes absolute total sense, if you are an absolute total dipshit.
Why does Halligan keep signing her name as US attorney on court filings, and why is it all in big bubble letters with the “I”s dotted with hearts? US District Judge David Novak wanted to know. The judge also wanted to know how this should not open Halligan up to being subject to discipline by the courts. The response was due yesterday.
And Bondi and Halligan — yes that dream team — responded that because they said so, and judges are not allowed to say Lindsey Halligan is not a US attorney, and additionally Judges Currie and Novak are stupid and dumb and should definitely shut up. Deputy Attorney General Todd Blanche and his “Who me?” poopy face also signed the response, we guess he wasn’t too busy visiting puppy breeders to find presents/puppy bribes for Ghislaine.
“To answer the Court’s inquisition directly: ‘the basis for Ms. Halligan’s identification of herself as the United States Attorney, notwithstanding Judge Currie’s contrary ruling’ is that, in the Government’s view, Ms. Halligan is the United States Attorney,” the Justice Department wrote. “Judge Currie’s ruling did not and could not require the United States to acquiesce to her contrary (and erroneous) legal reasoning outside of those cases.”
Uhhhhhh LOL, “in the Government’s view.” Lotta things happening right now “in the Government’s view,” like for example that Jonathan Ross didn’t murder Renee Good, even though we all watched him do it from multiple angles. And kind of the whole point of the government going before a judge is you tell them their view, but the judge is then free to say they were clearly snorting drugs off Donald Trump’s naked grundle when they came up with that view, Pam Bondi and Lindsey Halligan.
The entire opinion can be boiled down to Bondi and Halligan saying that these judges are not their real dad, and it is a piece of flaming dogshit as you might imagine. Another sample:
This Court appears to be under the misimpression that because Judge Currie’s rationale for dismissing the indictments was her conclusion that Ms. Halligan was unlawfully appointed, the United States must acquiesce to that rationale in all other cases or else it is “ignor[ing]” Judge Currie’s orders.
Read that in Pam Bondi’s “My name is Karen, I invented Post-Its, I have had a cold since 1997, and I would like to speak to the manager about that” voice for the full effect.
As Politico notes, the case in front of Novak isn’t even one of the ones Trump is ordering his specially appointed stupids to pursue for political retribution reasons, but rather a totally unrelated bank robbery. So this is Pam Bondi and Lindsey Halligan fucking up a routine bank robber prosecution by insisting that Lindsey Halligan IS TOO still the US Attorney from Baywatch, even though she clearly doesn’t have the legal ability or experience to prosecute fuck about shit, and judges are now well aware that she doesn’t have the legal standing to waltz into their courtrooms and say “Hello, Judge Your Honor, I am Lindsey Halligan, and I am a fairy princess star football quarterback cowboy spaceman wizard Miss America real lawyer, and I have been appointed to prosecute crimes!”
In related news, the government’s attempt to re-prosecute James Comey in Virginia for crimes the government invented has hit a new snag. They have just had to fire the current number two at EDVA, a veteran prosecutor named Robert McBride, because he, like all real lawyers whose law degrees mean something and who want to remain lawyers in good standing after Donald Trump’s Fourth Reich Coup, Genocide And Hootenanny Talent Show are over, refused to help DOJ with a new Comey prosecution.
He had only been performing that job for a month.
But how can McBride prosecute a fully made-up case against James Comey and be the boss of the office where Lindsey Halligan isn’t even supposed to be working at the same time? He is not a superman like Marco Rubio, who is able to juggle being the secretary of State and National Security Advisor and head of the National Archives and president of Cuba and director of changing the president’s badpans! Let’s be reasonable.
Robert McBride, 64, a Justice prosecutor and former Navy lawyer, was brought into the prominent satellite office of the Justice Department to serve as first assistant to U.S. Attorney Lindsey Halligan and took a more prominent role as her status was in question and after a judge ruled in late November that she was not legally appointed to run the office.
McBride, a prosecutor and former supervisor in a U.S. attorney’s office in Kentucky, had been asked in recent days to run the Comey case, and told top Justice officials he felt it would be difficult to do that and also run the office, according to the people.
Halligan is also reportedly mad that McBride met privately with judges from EDVA without telling her, which undermined her nonexistent authority greatly. (Reminder from every other paragraph in this post: A judge calmly explained in November that Halligan’s entire appointment and job were illegal, regardless of whether she continued to stink up the EDVA’s bathrooms with her great big morning shits.)
Will Judge Novak change his mind after reading Pam Bondi’s and Lindsey Halligan’s brilliant legal reasoning and continue to hear Halligan’s bank robber case? Which one of Donald Trump’s political enemies will Lindsey Halligan and her dream team of stuffed animals try to swindle a grand jury into indicting for fake crimes next?
Tune into the next episode of MAGA Law Show of Real Lawyers Who ARE TOO Allowed To Be In This Courtoom, Your Honor!
For now, OPEN THREAD.
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