Happy Monday, May the 4th. Let’s boss the force to reverse these tabs up in order from Joyful to The Worst! Life is hard enough, so for once That Man’s demented blather goes to the bottom, where belongs, it always does!
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Tabs, Best To Worst!
Hey Evan, new Tori is out!
Long live The Onion! Hail Global Tetrahedron!
Almost everything about this piece by Olivia Kan-Sperling with photos by Chase Stevens sparks joy: “Queen of Kitsch: Carlotta Champagne and the Art of Being Otherwise: Inside Vegas’s Ho Château, a total artwork of American decadence.” But Livvy, Hon, in Baltimore we all just call it decoratin’! (ArtForum)
Jack Thornell’s historic 1966 photos from Mississippi. (Mississippi Free Press)
If you’re lucky enough to be in Northern California right now, the Museum of Sonoma County has an exhibit on Christo and Jeanne-Claude’s work Running Fence. (ArtNet)
Quebecer Dora Alcover, super, woman, walked from Barcelona, Spain to Craiova, Romania — 1,864 miles, over 280 days, and through five pairs of platform heels — to raise awareness of sex trafficking and raise funds for the victim-services nonprofit Reaching Out Romania. (CBC)
New Jersey Dem. Gov. Mikie Sherrill is considering hopping into the redistricting fight and trying to rustle up some more blue seats, yeehaw! (Democracy Docket)
The Met Gala fundraiser is tonight, and though Jeff Bezos and the missus may have bought themselves honorary chair-ships, the actual chairs and life and soul of the red carpet and party shall be Anna Wintour, Beyoncé, Venus Williams, newly-single Nicole Kidman, and the respective chain-smoking and chain-gasping ghosts of Diana Vreeland and André Leon Talley. Creativity flowers in a parched beauty desert! (Air Mail / archive link / Washington Post gift link)
No one has ever been able to find the mysterious Satoshi and his $83 billion in Bitcoin. (Wired)
Elon Musk has been in court trying to finish off ChatGPT’s Sam Altman in a battle for a charity they’re both trying to steal, have some tasty whine and cheese with a side of cries:
“Musk sued OpenAI, claiming that company executives, including Altman and President Greg Brockman unjustly enriched themselves by straying from OpenAI’s non-profit mission. Musk contributed about $38 million to OpenAI in its early days, when it was structured as a non-profit. OpenAI has since transformed to a hybrid structure, with its for-profit arm raising tens of billions of dollars. Musk founded a competing for-profit AI company, xAI, in 2023. Musk is asking for $134 billion in damages and for OpenAI to return to a non-profit structure.”
Wonkette has already heard enough, orders both ChatGPT and Grok to now be run as nonprofits, and for Musk and Altman to be handcuffed together for a month while being served and lectured by a dry, zingy English butler about awl of the things in life money cawnt buy, and furthermore for it all to be filmed, edited and uploaded copyright free for everyone’s amusement. (Oligarch Watch)
We now enter the grey zone, first to ponder Michael Wolff: journalist or pedo co-conspirator? Yes, and also wears cute slippers. (Ellie Leonard)
Why are naughty Hawaiian birds stealing from their neighbors? Researchers at UC Riverside would like to find out. (Futurity)
Look who woke up and smelled the guano! Now that his seat might be in peril, US Rep. Don Bacon, Republican of Nebraska has noticed Donald John Trump has been failing on the “standing up to Russia” thing, and noticing the US invading Greenland Maybe Bad Idea thing. (AlterNet / Omaha Herald archive link)
People Are Talking how following President of USA DJ Trump’s I Am Not A Pedophile Rapist spit-show to 60 Minutes’ Norah O’Donnell on the Sunday before last, the Democratic National Committee coulda shoulda oughta sue CBS/Paramount/the Ellison boys, and ask for at least $16 million clams for their own library. So why is DNC chair Ken Martin not doing this? ¿Dónde están los huevos? (Off Message)
PIRATES!
The residents of Dunwoody, Georgia, are wondering why public records appear to show that employees of the Flock Camera Safety System corporation have been given and evidently been using secret, untraceable access to camera systems in spaces such as the gymnastics room and pool of the local Jewish Community Center, in children’s swimming and gymnastics classes, and have also been live-monitoring the women’s restroom doors at parks. Flock says the fact that some of that was in the public record means they’re the most transparent and pure company in the world, so, gotcha, haters! (404 Media / Jason Hunyar Substack)
The Department of Justice under (Acting) US Attorney General Big Head Todd Blanche DuBois Devereaux has filed a petition for enforcement in the Northern District of Texas, the cloud-cuckoo-MAGA-iest federal court thingy of them all, in an attempt to compel the Rhode Island Hospital in Rhode Island to hand over patient records from its transgender youth care program. An administrative subpoena was served on the hospital last July under HIPAA authority as part of an investigation into alleged violations of the Federal Food, Drug, and Cosmetic Act, and the hospital has been telling Texas to fuck off for 10 months with their requests for private medical information. Let’s see how this plays out for them. (Erin in the Morning)
Other Todd tidings: on Sunday he claimed there’s more evidence in the prosecution of James Comey than seashells (there isn’t) and that you have to show ID to walk to a restaurant (you don’t). (NBC / Joe My God)
We have now arrived at The Worst of Worst.
“USF murder suspect asked ChatGPT about tossing body in trash, records say.” Also “last spring, Florida State University student Phoenix Ikner wanted to know how many classmates he needed to kill to become notorious,” and you will never guess what AI said next! (Orlando Sentinel / Wall Street Journal gift link)
We order AI’s demon soul BACK IN THE BOWL!
That is all we have to say about that.
And don’t think we forgot the world’s oldest and most powerful and senile joker, That Guy!
Over on Trump’s Truth Feed over the weekend, breaking news, oh no, not Rudy! He was sent to a hospital in Florida with a case of apoplexy over liberals! (NY Times gift link)
As for the rest of his garbage feed, quick recap, Trump is mad at Germany and NATO and pulling 5,000 US troops out of Germany, and at Chuck Schumer, Bill Maher, Fox News, Obama, Iran, Hakeem Jeffries (Thug! Danger!), but likes Andy Biggs and some other people a lot, yawn … and, but, eh, wot’s this? Trump lerves King Chaz Trey so very much, Trump shalt take His tariffs off of His own peasants’ Scottish whiskey!
Commonwealth of Kentucky, I pardon you and you may now say “thank you,” while weeping with gratitude. Alas, King Charles III, he did his sporting best. Nice of him and Cam to have popped over with some words encouraging Trump to have mercy on us serfs.
Now play us out, ghost of Tom Petty, and sheet music of John Williams.
Your hed gif info: https://martiniambassador.substack.com/p/black-panther-kittens
And meme chat: https://open.substack.com/chat/posts/59f53b71-ba9a-4860-a348-9a8f66f5569d
And for May the 4th, an extra link to some space photos, from the NASA 'nauts: https://eol.jsc.nasa.gov/
“The notion that a radical is one who hates his country is naïve and usually idiotic. He is, more likely, one who likes his country more than the rest of us, and is thus more disturbed than the rest of us when he sees it debauched. He is not a bad citizen turning to crime; he is a good citizen driven to despair.” - H.L. Mencken