Pete Hegseth Can't Hire Employees Because Everyone Hates Him
Prestigious jobs going unfilled because one of the duties is 'Working for Pete Hegseth.'
It is so hard to find good help these days. It is even harder when you are Pete Hegseth, a smirking baboon anus who couldn’t successfully run a banana stand at a monkey whorehouse, but whom Donald Trump nonetheless chose to be in charge of the Defense Department and its nearly 3 million employees for the next four years, or until Hegseth resigns to spend more time with his third wife and seven kids, or until God Himself looks at our nation, thinks Okay, this wasn’t the worst idea You have ever had but now they are really out of control with the live-action Disney remakes, and tosses a comet smack into the middle of North America to put us out of our misery.
Until the day of one of those blessed events, however, Hegseth needs some qualified people around him to help with his enormous job. But he has hit a snag, and that snag is that no one with any experience or competence wants to be anywhere near him and his execrable management skills.
Hegseth is in need of a new chief of staff and a couple of top advisers to replace the ones he fired almost two months ago in the midst of an intense search for leakers in his office. (What, two twentysomething interns couldn’t fill in the gap?) Two of those guys were friends whom Hegseth had worked with in the past, albeit in much smaller posts. Yet he still had security walk them out of the Pentagon without giving them a chance to defend themselves even though he had no evidence that they were the leakers.
The three men went public decrying their treatment and have sued over being fired. Since then, no evidence has turned up that points to them as leaking to the press. The White House has since taken the investigation away from Hegseth and assigned it to his deputy defense secretary, a strong signal that Trump administration officials don’t think Hegseth is up to the task.
Still, working at the Pentagon can be a prestigious gig, so no problem for Hegseth finding replacements for the friends he rashly fired based on no apparent evidence, right?
Wrong, sayeth NBC News:
Top Defense Department jobs, including the defense secretary’s chief of staff, are normally considered prestigious and typically attract multiple qualified candidates. But at least three people have already turned down potential roles under Hegseth, according to a former U.S. official, the defense official and a person familiar with the matter.
And this is with JD Vance and White House Chief of Staff Susie Wiles working the phones to try and convince people that working for Hegseth isn’t that bad, it mostly consists of feeding him aspirins and hiding the jugs of corn liquor he keeps trying to stash in his office.
Also any assistants need to be able to change Hegseth’s Signal login and not tell him the new password. We can’t stress enough how much of a national security issue this is.
How badly does the administration not trust Hegseth? Last month they ordered him to cancel a trip to Israel to meet with Bibi Netanyahu and sent Kristi Noem in his place. Imagine sucking so badly at your job that your bosses would rather give your duties to Kristi Noem.
In the midst of all this chaos, Hegseth has been very busy with the important issues of the day, such as renaming ships named after liberal icons. Last week, on the anniversary of D-Day, he posted a video of himself running with some soldiers on Omaha Beach, site of one prong of the bloody Normandy invasion in 1944. Ironically one of the liberals whose name he reportedly wants to strip off a Navy ship, Medgar Evers, actually went ashore at Omaha Beach on D-Day as part of a noncombat Army logistics battalion. Evers’s unit was segregated, and about the best thing we can say about Hegseth’s tenure as Defense Secretary is that at least he hasn’t brought that practice back. Yet.
Hegseth then spent a chunk of this past weekend threatening to send the Marines into Los Angeles if people there don’t start letting Immigration and Customs Enforcement deport every day laborer they can find hanging around the parking lot of Home Depot. Quite the shit-talker, is America’s favorite DUI hire Pete Hegseth:
Christ, he’s like a little kid on his birthday. Mommy! Mommy! I got to deploy the Marines to intimidate some Guatemalan busboys! Probably typed those tweets with his tiny erection.
Needless to say, Hegseth’s tweet is overdramatic horseshit. The United States has not been invaded by “Criminal Illegal Aliens” at the behest of a bunch of secondary characters from “Ozark.” These are just the rantings of a frustrated little boy who was always sad that his GI Joe dolls couldn’t shoot real bullets at each other.
We’re not sure what Hegseth and President Brainfart think 500 Marines are going to do in a metropolitan area of 10 million people. They’re just flexing. No one even needs to pretend to be impressed.
There is a cheesy action movie called Battle: Los Angeles, in which killer space aliens invade the city and start slaughtering its inhabitants. A platoon of Marines led by Aaron Eckhart goes in to fight them. That was an alien invasion. If it happened in real life, Pete Hegseth would be useless, because everyone hates him.
[NBC News]
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I realize that sending in the Marines is a fascist move but it also looks really stupid. They now have 4700 military personnel covering about 3 square miles of LA where nobody actually lives. It’s like putting an F-16 on your front lawn to scare away burglars. You would be a laughing stock.
Oh, I'm sure there are PLENTY of Russian and Chinese assets who would just *love* to work at the U.S. Dept. of Defense.