Pete Hegseth's Pentagon Still Very Well-Lubricated We Mean Oiled [Hic!] Machine
Maybe it's still a bad idea to have an unqualified boozehound running the US armed forces?
Secretary Shitfaced can’t seem to go a week without another major fuckup leaking, geez!
And so what do you know, turns out there was ANOTHER Signal group chat happening on March 15, with 12 MORE people following along while buffoon Pete Hegseth texted them details about how he was bombing residential buildings with children in them in Yemen, in addition to that group chat with the editor of The Atlantic in it.
![THOSE War Plans? Pete Hegseth Didn’t Know You Meant THOSE [hic] War Plans](https://substackcdn.com/image/fetch/w_140,h_140,c_fill,f_webp,q_auto:good,fl_progressive:steep,g_auto/https%3A%2F%2Fsubstack-post-media.s3.amazonaws.com%2Fpublic%2Fimages%2Fbb01e885-c6e1-4841-8d3d-4e2eb2dad8a8_1068x606.png)
Trump’s DUI hire reportedly made a chat on his personal phone for his third wife Jennifer (who has been bizarrely tagging along with him everywhere, including meetings she should not be allowed in); his little brother Phil who he keeps finding nepo jobs for; his personal lawyer Tim Parlatore; his then-chief of staff Joe Kasper (who has since quit); Darin Selnick, his deputy chief of staff (suspended); retired Army sergeant major and advisor Eric Geressy; a legal adviser to Hegseth and a Navy commander in the Judge Advocate General’s Corps, and also a senior adviser to Hegseth for the Department of Homeland Security. The other people on the chat are still a mystery. His Instacart shopper, his dog groomer, his AA sponsor? Mommmmmmmy? Who knows! And, but, at least four of those people felt compelled to blab to the New York Times about it, and three also confirmed it to CNN.
Maybe the leaker was the aide who specifically “warned him to be careful not to share sensitive information on an unsecure communications system,” and got ignored?
Why does SecDef Boozehole feel such a need to share military secrets with people who have no need to know whatsoever? Why does he communicate outside of official channels, on his personal phone, on an app that the Pentagon specifically warned against using because of its vulnerabilities? It’s like the guy is itching to break the law and commit war crimes and doesn’t want anyone to know about that, but at the same time can’t resist bragging to his brother and wife so they know what a big boy he is, and they can say “wow, you’re so cool, Pete!”
Hey, you know who DIDN’T leak war plans on Signal to their wife, an Atlantic editor and a golden retriever? All of those military lawyers, Secretary of Defense Lloyd Austin, or any of the other “DEI” people that Hegseth fired. Just saying.
Everybody, all together now, BUT HER EMAILS!
SecDef Boozehole’s response to all this was very dignified and normal, of course.
Oof. And hey, wait, DOJ lawyers in Talbott v. Trump have been saying in court that there IS no trans ban in the military! How nice of SecDef [HIC HIC HIC] to bring that up when there just happen to be oral arguments scheduled tomorrow at the DC Circuit Court of Appeals!
Anyway, on to the NEXT scandal! Speaking of people who have left the Pentagon, former chief Pentagon spokesman John Ullyot quit his job last week, and then tapped out a damning opinion piece for Politico about how the Pete-a-gon has had a “month of total chaos” and is in “disarray,” and experiencing “a full-blown meltdown.”
Ullyot was ride-or-die for Hegseth, he wants you to know (“he was the best man to shake things up at a Pentagon in need of serious reform”). But he can’t get with the “strange and baffling purge” of employees, and how Hegseth tried to smear his own aides anonymously to reporters. Ullyot is worried that such chaos might tarnish Dear Leader’s glorious name and the beauty of his many “wins.” LOL:
One reason the American people gave Trump a conclusive victory last November is that he’s not a go-along, get-along creature of the Beltway like many of his recent predecessors, but rather a shrewd businessman who expects results and holds his team accountable for serious mistakes that occur on their watch.
LOLOLOL.
In addition to Kasper leaving, least three other people have been purged from SecDef Gang Tattoos’ domain: senior adviser Dan Caldwell, Hegseth deputy chief of staff Darin Selnick as mentioned above, and Colin Carroll, the chief of staff to Deputy Defense Secretary Stephen Feinberg. Not because they were using Signal or something, but reportedly because in March somebody leaked that Elon Musk was about to meet at the Pentagon in a secure room to get secret war plans for China, and Hegseth suspects them of being the leaker(s).
PREVIOUSLY!
After the news of the meeting broke in the New York Times, and was confirmed by the Wall Street Journal, the Pentagon scrambled to change up the meeting to just be a photo op of Musk sitting at a table and sauntering around the halls in his unflattering skinny jeans and giant belt buckle, and Hegseth frantically backtracked on Xitter: “This is NOT a meeting about ‘top secret China war plans.’ It’s an informal meeting about innovation, efficiencies & smarter production. Gonna be great!” Apparently Dear Leader also heard about the meeting in advance, though, and was not pleased, fuming, “What the fuck is Elon doing there? Make sure he doesn't go.” What the fuck is he doing anywhere? Oh right, he spent millions to help Trump get elected.
But never mind all that purging and quitting, Hegseth has new help now! According to their social medias there’s two new kids in his office: 23-year-old Royce Chamberlin, and 2024 Clemson financial management grad Amjed Yacu, who went from interning to the SecDef’s office in four months, a meteoric rise! Yacu was so thrilled he celebrated his hiring with one of those LinkedIn gifs of people dancing around a giant cupcake, and Chamberlin cooed on Facebook: “I am excited and honored to announce I have been appointed to the Office of the Secretary of Defense at the DoD. Helping ensure our country is viewed as a force not to be reckoned with. ”
Chamberlin’s rise is even more impressive; before this he was a video producer. That’s it, that was his only job. Bet THOSE guys won’t opine to Hegseth that he maybe shouldn’t use Signal chat for military operations.
Having Royce on board will make the Pentagon respect Pete more, sure definitely!
Speaking of, after Signalgate II broke, naturally the White House re-upped its loyalty to Pete. Spokes-spackle Karoline Leavitt went on “Fox & Friends” Sunday morning to reassure everyone that Trump “stands strongly behind Pete Hegseth,” that he “is doing phenomenal” (sic), and all of this scandal is “what happens when the entire Pentagon is working against you.” Er, if the “entire Pentagon is working against” Pete Hegseth, might that be a sign that the people he’s supposed to be leading don’t respect him? Maybe they’re a little mad that Hegseth keeps getting away with doing things that would have gotten any one of them kicked out of the military or even put in prison?
Welp, if there is to be any saving grace in this spitting, cussing, sloppy Tasmanian Devil of an administration, it’s that these people are utterly incompetent. Maybe we’re less likely to get attacked by terrorists because the terrorists are too busy sitting back and watching the collapse of the United States?
Just trying desperately to be optimistic, here!
UPDATE: Pete Hegseth has responded.
You know, what a big surprise that a bunch of, a few leakers get fired and suddenly a bunch of hit pieces come out from the same media that peddled the Russia hoax, won’t give back their Pulitzers. They’ve got Pulitzers for a bunch of lies, Pulitzers for a bunch of lies, and on hoaxes time and time and again, and as they peddle those lies, no one ever calls them on it.
Never mind that it was four of Hegseth’s own people who ratted him out, LOL.
SECOND UPDATE: NPR is reporting that an anonymous source says that theWhite House is shopping for Hegseth’s replacement. We shall see!
[New York Times archive link / Wall Street Journal gift link / Politico]
You guys
https://bsky.app/profile/thetnholler.bsky.social/post/3lndde5ajrc2j
Please watch the video of Hegseth being totally not mad.
This is at the Easter Egg thing. He is so pissed off. I am fairly sure he's drunk also.
[ ot ] Dum De Dum-Dum. "The story you are about to see is true . . . "
Is this yet more ICE Barbie cosplay – so she can try to claim that "crime in DC is out of control" or something? And who walks around with $3,000 in Ka$h? And *where* was her bag, "where" was her security detail? And "who" was her dinner guest?
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Homeland Security Secretary Kristi Noem’s bag, including $3,000 in cash, is stolen from DC restaurant
https://www.cnn.com/2025/04/21/politics/homeland-security-kristi-noem-purse-stolen/index.html
" The Secret Service, which provides security for Noem, reviewed security camera footage at the restaurant and saw an unknown white male wearing a medical mask steal her bag and leave the restaurant, a law enforcement source said.
The thief got away with Noem’s driver’s license, medication, apartment keys, passport, DHS access badge, makeup bag, blank checks, and about $3,000 in cash."
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