PLEASE STOP BEING MEAN TO TRUMP'S $400 MILLION BRIBE AIRP'ANE, THANK YOU FOR YOUR ATTENTION TO THIS MATTER!
AIRP'ANE! AIRP'ANE!
There is a special genre of Donald Trump Traitor Criminal Temper Tantrum that we don’t think is always appreciated as its own thing. It’s not just like when he’s intent on committing crimes and he doesn’t care what the laws say. That’s baseline, defiant Trump. But then there’s this other level, where Trump is legitimately excited for whatever he’s about to do, and he’s really toddler-grade angry at anybody who is trying to steal his joy. It’s very, well, toddler.
Lots of people have been enjoying this “truth” from Trump, where he sounds like he’s about to cry and shit his pants all at the same time. Only the first part of that is different from how he always sounds.
So much protest, so many angry!
Airp’ane is present for military, NOT FOR HIM!
Airp’ane is Qatar way of SAY THANK YOU!
Airp’ane is Qatar way of telling America PROUD OF YOU!
Airp’ane is FREE, who wants to BUY AIRP’ANE when you can have FREE AIRP’ANE?
Airp’ane is THANK YOU FOR YOUR ATTENTION TO THIS MATTER!
Whew. A true tantrum. You can imagine him in a corner of stinky old no fun regular Air Force One on all fours with his head underneath a blanket and his butt up in the air, protesting that he’s never coming out to suck one more sheik dick until America says he can keep the fun great big new Air Force One.
So yes, Trump is really excited about new airp’ane, can you all please stop criticizing it and saying big words like “emoluments” and “grifter” and “traitor”? You’re all being very cruel to him, when all Qatar wants to do is tell him how proud they are of him and what a good boy he is.
Good old Qatar, always doin’ stuff like that.
Taking us all out for ice cream after our piano recital, just to let us know Qatar was out there in the audience cheering us on while we played "Für Elise.”
Teaching us the true meaning of sportsmanship after the first time our Little League team lost. “It’s about how you play the game!” says Qatar, our friend. Taking us out to the movies afterward, just us and Qatar.
Giving us $115,000 a month to point at Qatar like it’s a new car on a revolving platform at an auto show and ooh and aah over what smooth leather seats Qatar has. Wait, that might just be Pam Bondi they did that for. Not sure exactly what-all the terms of her lobbying contract entailed.
Trump whined to Sean Hannity about everybody being mean to him about this. He whined that “The plane that you’re on right now is almost 40 years old.” That’s way too old to date, much less fly in the sky on!
“When you land and you see Saudi Arabia, and you see UAE, and you see Qatar, and you see all this, and they have these brand new Boeing 747s mostly, and you see ours next to it, this is like a totally different plane.” Trump is jealous of the Arabs’ planes.
“It’s much smaller. It’s much less impressive—as impressive as it is. We’re the United States of America, I believe that we should have the most impressive plane.”
Trump is worried the crown princes and the sheiks have muuuuuuuch bigger planes than his.
Is he embarrassed about the weird little Mario Kart mushroom head on his “plane” whenever he sees it next to MBS’s “plane”? He seems embarrassed about it.
Alas, because Donald Trump is so breathtakingly stupid, there are a couple things about this Qatari sky palace that miiiiiight cause some problems, even aside from the fact that a bunch of Republicans are so thoroughly icked out by it that they’re actually speaking out. (Don’t worry, he’s still got true blue ass-suckers like country-fried Tommy Tuberville, sucking his ass and flaring his little hick-billy pig snout and blocking Senate resolutions condemning it.)
Even Fox News characters are being mean about it, for one thing. Legal analyst Andy McCarthy said accepting the nice plane is totally illegal, and on top of that MADE FUN OF PAM BONDI. He said, “You’ll have to forgive me if I’m not just blown away by Pam Bondi’s legal analysis here. But it’s laughable.” Know what’s real laughable? When you GO TO JAIL FOR MAKING FUN OF PAM BONDI, who is a very serious legal scholar.
Then, as Benjamin Wittes notes, there is the whole matter of the plane itself, and how that bitch is used, and he’s worried that Trump (as usual) is getting suckered.
Let’s consider the stats on this plane that Pam Bondi is used-car-modeling for her old car show bosses, the Qataris:
13 years old
Needs LOTS of work, and may take YEARS to do the work needed, like long after the new shiny Boeings that are supposed to be the new Air Force Ones, which are supposed to be delivered in 2027, or maybe a tiny bit longer? Boeing swears it’s trying. Why, Trump might be out of office and/or dead by the time they finish retrofitting this stupid USED Qatari plane for him.
Can you imagine how long it’s going to take just to sweep the damn thing for old food crumbs and condom wrappers and high-tech surveillance systems that hostile powers plan to use to beam the sounds of Donald Trump’s cacophonous toilet farts to every spy agency in the world?
Is there nobody else who could bribe Trump with a better plane, like maybe the UAE or the Saudis or a tech oligarch? Is Trump poking his lipstick out for the first sheik to find a shiny new AIR-PANE behind his ear? Pathetic.
Um, this plane might have been built in the United States, but now it’s a foreign plane. Wittes notes that it could be subject to Trump’s tariffs, thanks to Trump, who puts big beautiful tariffs on things.
Again, this is a USED PLANE. Newsweek reports that Qatar has been trying to sell the fucker since 2020. Now they’re trying to pawn it off on Trump so they can take it off Facebook Marketplace, we guess.
Is this the plane Mr. and Mrs. Qatar bought for their teenage daughter 13 years ago and said “LISTEN, MISSY, this is not YOUR PLANE, we are simply a THREE PLANE HOUSEHOLD NOW and if you act right and keep your grades up, this is the plane you will have the PRIVILEGE TO USE”?
Did Trump pull the Carfax on it? He should really pull the Carfax on it.
But here we go again, being mean and saying upsetting things about the nice present Qatar wants to give Donald Trump, just because they’re so proud of him and they recognize that he is excessively stupid and excited by shiny things and easy to bribe.
We should stop being so mean about that, THANK YOU FOR YOUR ATTENTION TO THIS MATTER.
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I have had it with this motherfucking snake droning on about this motherfucking plane!
A thirteen year old used plane from Qatar.
Only used by an elderly sheik to fly to Monaco for gambling afternoons every Sunday. A real steal.